manage to finish painting a certain fidget. We speculate that she has gone to visit Robert: Rose has become awfully independent these days. We are relieved of our conversation when Tiddy Rex comes running by.
Eldric looks at me. “Shall we?”
“Is it dry?”
Eldric nods.
I call Tiddy Rex onto the porch. “You are just the boy we want to see. We hope you will agree to join our secret society.”
“The Fearsome Four,” says Eldric.
“The mission of the Fearsome Four is to fight for justice,” I say.
“To go on quests,” says Eldric.
“I never been on no quest,” says Tiddy Rex. His eyes are wide and exactly match the color of his freckles.
“In the olden days,” I say, “people set off on quests by horseback. But in these modern days, heroes go by motorcar.”
“Motorcar!” Tiddy Rex’s voice is just a squeak.
“The existence of the Fearsome Four is a solemn secret,” says Eldric. “Will you join us and dedicate yourself to our mission?”
Tiddy Rex flushes. “Aye, aye!”
“Kneel, then, Tiddy Rex, that you may be sworn into the secret society of the Fearsome Four.”
Tiddy Rex kneels. I glance up as though this is a holy moment. The sky is all stretchy clouds, like elastic lace. “Do you solemnly swear to face all perils in order to rescue those in need? Do you swear to be relentless in the eternal quest for justice?”
“Aye, aye!”
“Do you solemnly swear to motor from one end of the world to the other, rooting out evil wheresoever you may find it?”
“Aye, aye!”
Eldric rises. He sets a leather cord around Tiddy Rex’s neck. “I now pronounce you a member of the Fearsome Four. Welcome, Tiddy Rex! Rise and walk among us.”
Tiddy Rex’s face is a starry map. He touches the fidget hanging on the cord.
“Mister Eldric!” he says, for the fidget is a brilliant copy of the motorcar, right down to the tiny brass eagle. The eagle’s not made of brass, of course, but it’s painted gold, and you can see its beak and its every talon.
I look at Eldric and he looks at me. That was fun! For a moment, we actually had fun.
I’m expected to rest after supper, to prepare myself for the next grand adventure in life, which is sleep. Father and Eldric think they’ve bullied me into this with the suggestion that I shan’t be well enough to study with my new tutor. Yes, Father has engaged a tutor for me, just as brilliant as Fitz. James Bellingham. I haven’t yet told him his pet name. I wonder if he’ll like it?
But neither Father nor Eldric is particularly skilled at bullying. I sit on the upstairs landing until I hear Pearl bid Father good night. I think about Jim Bellingham. What would have been better? To have allowed Father to send me away to school, or to have remained in the Swampsea, to have met Eldric?
But I had no choice, had I? Stepmother saw to that, making me believe I called Mucky Face and injured her. She knew I couldn’t leave her then, not for school, not for anything.
I slip downstairs. I have an excuse ready, should anyone see me, but I don’t need it. I slip out the kitchen door, over the bridge.
I step in the hoof prints of the Shire horses, as Eldric and I used to do. But I’m lonely, and I’m already tired. I shuffle along, I ignore the hoof prints. All I want is to see the green mist. Tears come to my eyes.
Honestly, Briony, enough of the self-pity. What a baby you are!
Stop, Briony: Amend that thought!
What a darling baby, and such delightful apricot ears!
I clamber up the riverbank and cut across the Flats. But it’s harder to walk on the sloppy ground. Where’s wolfgirl? She never minded a bit of slop.
I’ll have to reinvent wolfgirl too. But she won’t be so hard to reinvent. I’ll have to stomp out muscle paths for her, not brain paths. Muscle paths are easy; the brain is a tricky thing.
I think of the moment I discovered that Stepmother was a Dark Muse. I remember my hand moving across paper, my pen leaving a trail of ink. I remember myself, sitting in a sea of crumpled bedsheets, beside the do-not- cross line. I remember that I was ill, that the pen was heavy.
I wrote that Stepmother brought me writing materials. I wrote that the more I wrote, the sicker I got. I wrote about Father’s illness and of his immediate recovery once he abandoned the fiddle and left the Parsonage. I wrote myself into understanding. I wrote myself into realizing I had to make sure I could write nothing anymore. I knew I hadn’t enough power to refuse to write. I couldn’t resist Stepmother’s spell.
I wrote myself into understanding I had to burn my hand.
But the brain is tricky. I couldn’t allow myself to remember what Stepmother really was. I made myself forget. I scuffed out my own real memories while Stepmother trod in false memories.
“Such a vasty time to bide away, mistress!”
I have come upon the Reed Spirits. I’ve not been to the swamp since All Hallows’ Day.
“I’ve been ill,” I say. “I’ll come back and talk to you properly when I’m recovered.”
“An’ tha’ll fetch our sweet story along with thee?” How sweet their voices are, and how mournful. Careful, Briony, or you’ll cry.
I understand better, now, the appetite of the Old Ones for their story. The Chime Child has told me. She may have made a mistake with Nelly Daws, but she is terrifically clever and knows ever so much about the Old Ones. It’s only the mortals, she says, who can write down a story, so that it doesn’t vanish with memory. And of course, it’s only we, the Chime Child and I, who can hear the Old Ones and set their story down.
“When I am better,” I say, “I shall come to set down your stories.”
How they sigh and sing. “Mistress!
“Mistress!
“Our thanks to thee, mistress!”
And when I’m better, I shall apprentice to the Chime Child. Sometimes the Chime Child says she’s made so many mistakes of late, she should apprentice to me. But I don’t know. It’s a difficult job. There is much she has to teach me.
I walk on slowly. I am tired, but I am also thinking. I think about the Old Ones, that they have a past but no history. I think about the inevitability of death, and whether it’s not that very inevitability that inspires us to take photographs and make scrapbooks and tell stories. That that’s how we humans find our way to immortality. This is not a new thought; I’ve had such thoughts before. But I have a new thought now.
That that’s how we find our way toward meaning.
Meaning. If you’re going to die, you want to find meaning in life.
You want to connect the dots.
The Old Ones are born immortal. They’ve lived hundreds upon hundreds of years. But they’re going to die. Someday soon—in five days, or five months, or five years—we humans will come up with a cure for the swamp cough. Then Mr. Clayborne will light the illuminating gas and set the machines going and drain the water from the swamp.
I look about the Flats, I try to imagine it. Men will dig up the ancient trees. They’ll shrivel the Flats into a toothless granny. They’ll drain the swamp into a scab. The Old Ones will have nowhere to live. And if that doesn’t kill them, industry will. The factories and hospitals and shipyards that are sure to come. The Old Ones can’t survive a world filled with metal. They can’t survive the clatter and growl of machinery.
I leave the Flats. The fields are not too far now. Just down the road. But the road looks long and I feel the prickle of tears again. It’s because I’ve been ill, I know. That’s all it is.
And when the bog-holes are puckered shut, where will the Boggy Mun go? Will he go to the sea? And if he does, what then?
Is the sea too big to drain? Probably not. Look what mankind can create. Now you can photograph a person moving, and when you look at the photograph, you’ll actually see him moving, which is why it’s called a moving
