began my next lap. Back and forth I went. Finally, I’d had enough. Exhausted but feeling better than I had in a very long time, I climbed onto the raft and lay on my stomach, my face resting on my hands, the sun caressing my back like a hand. The undulating waves rocked the raft like a cradle, lulling me into a state of equilibrium and the illusion that all was right with the world.
When Blake Falconer pulled himself onto the raft, the illusion shattered. He didn’t impose himself. In fact, he made every effort to preserve the distance between us. He swung his body around, so he was sitting on the edge of the raft with his feet in the water and his back to me. For a minute or two, neither of us spoke, but we were aware of one another’s presence. Finally, I pushed myself up.
“Hi,” I said.
He turned around. There was something different about him. He was still a force to be reckoned with, but the assurance was gone.
“I didn’t want to disturb you,” he said softly. “I thought you’d earned your solitude. I was watching you do your laps. You were swimming as if your life depended on it.”
“You’re not far off the mark,” I said. “I was trying to get a sense of being in control again. So much has happened.”
“Being the victim of a break-and-enter can’t have helped,” Blake said.
“It didn’t,” I said. “It’s disconcerting to think of someone watching your house and pawing through your things.”
“But the only thing stolen was your laptop.”
“As far as I can tell,” I said.
“I have a replacement for you in the car,” he said. “It’s an Apple PowerBook. I’ve got one. It should be okay.”
“I’m sure it’s more than okay,” I said. “But a notebook like that is way out of my price range.”
“I wouldn’t worry about it. We get a corporate rate.”
“How much is the corporate rate?”
He shrugged. “That’s Lily’s department. We’ll check it out when she gets back.”
“Where is she?”
There was always something boyish about Blake, but at that moment he looked his age. “The social answer is that she went back to the city. The truth is I haven’t a clue.”
“That has to be worrying,” I said.
“It was – the first fifty times it happened,” he said. “But so far, she’s always come back.”
For a moment, the sentence hung in the air between us. Blake didn’t take his eyes off me. “You don’t look shocked.”
“I learned long ago not to judge other people’s marriages. If it works for you…”
“I’m not sure that it does,” he said. “The reasons for staying together just outweigh the reasons for leaving.” Blake’s gaze was fixed on the diving tower. In their identical navy swimsuits and red bathing caps, the three girls looked like sisters, but Gracie was clearly the tallest and the strongest. Obeying that sixth sense children often show when they’re being observed, she turned and waved to us. As he waved back, Blake’s face became young again.
“Your daughter is so much like you,” I said, smiling.
The comment had been casual, but Blake’s response was grave. “I always thought that was a source of sadness for Lily,” he said. “I think she would have liked a child like her.”
“In what way?” I asked.
“Physically,” he said. “I always sensed that Lily would have felt more connected to a child who was unmistakably aboriginal.” Blake’s grey eyes were sad. “Not that we always get what we want in this world.”
“What did you want that you didn’t get?” I asked.
“Truthfully? I wanted to get the part that Lily always held back. Even when things between us were at their best, there was something in her I could never touch. It’s been that way since the beginning.”
“How did you two meet?”
His forehead crinkled. “Delia said it was like a Julia Roberts movie. The old days at Falconer Shreve were pretty loose. We were all busy trying to get those bright career arcs going, so we didn’t pay a lot of attention to details like running the office, which incidentally was above a place that made dentures. The smell of false teeth was always in the air, and things were always in a helluva mess. Anyway, every Friday afternoon we had a happy hour for clients and people we knew from law school and anybody else who stumbled in, and one Friday afternoon Lily showed up.”
“That is like a Julia Roberts movie,” I said.
“It gets better,” he said. “Anyway, I’d been drinking far too long and I’d reached that lost-in-the-funhouse feeling, and suddenly I looked across the room and there was this incredible woman with legs that went on forever and black hair that fell almost to her waist. She wasn’t beautiful, but she was so much her own person. Everyone else in that room was sweating, busy pushing an agenda – trying to make a connection, trying to get laid – but Lily just stood there, observing. I’m sure you’ve noticed how she does that.”
I turned my eyes to the diving board. Taylor was poised for a swan dive. I shut my eyes against the inevitable belly flop, but she surprised me by entering the water cleanly.
“I’ve noticed,” I said. “Lily’s a very compelling woman.”
“Compelling,” Blake repeated. “That’s exactly the word. And I was compelled. That afternoon I went over to her, stroked her beautiful hair, and said something so stupid that it still makes me cringe.”
I smiled. “So what did you say?”
He bit his lower lip. “I told her I could make all her dreams come true.”
“Smooth,” I said. “How did it go over?”
“My wife-to-be peeled my hand off her shoulder and told me she could make my dreams come true, too – for a price. That flummoxed me, of course. But as it turned out the price she had in mind was a job, as office manager. She told me it was obvious that Falconer Shreve needed organization. I looked around, saw the place through her eyes, and realized she was right. It was amazing that the board of health hadn’t condemned us: files spilling over the desks, wastebaskets overflowing with containers from Chinese take-out and pizza, dirty coffee cups and plastic plates and cutlery everywhere.”
Isobel Wainberg was on the diving board looking as if she might change her mind. Her last dive had not gone well, and Isobel took failure hard. Blake and I raised our arms in an exaggerated thumbs-up sign, then held our breath until she took the plunge.
“When we studied avoidance-avoidance conflict in university, I remembered that diving-board feeling,” I said.
Blake nodded his head in agreement. “Damned if you do, damned if you don’t. But good for Isobel – going off the high board is never easy.”
“Is that what you did in your relationship with Lily?” I asked.
He laughed ruefully. “I’d never thought of it that way, but yes. From the night I met her there was no turning back. When she offered to organize my life, she made me an offer I couldn’t refuse. I hired her on the spot. We had a drink. I made a pass. She told me to go to hell, and I gave her a key to the office and went home with somebody else. Monday morning when I came back the place was unrecognizable – spotless, organized.”
“That is a Julia Roberts movie,” I said.
“It would be,” he said, “except that after Lily and her loutish boss finally got together, they didn’t live happily ever after. He loved her, but she never quite came around.” Blake turned to me. “I have no idea why I’m telling you all this.”
“Because I’m here,” I said.
It was a moment of silent communion that broke when Blake looked towards the shoreline. “Surprise, surprise,” he said, pointing at the boat launch. “Company’s coming.”
Zack Shreve was gripping the device that allowed him to lower himself into his boat. The mechanism was sophisticated structurally, but simple. It depended not on electronics but on dexterity and strength. Zack was heavy-set, and I was struck again by the power his arms must have to hoist his body from land to boat. Blake and I sat in silence as he completed the manoeuvre, turned on the motor, and drove over to the raft. Zack was wearing Ray-Bans with grey mirror lenses that hid his eyes, making him seem even more unknowable.
