Back of Beyond

“They may be gone in a minute,” he said, trying to disguise the disappointment in his voice.

Gracie finally figured out where to point, and started bringing the animals into focus.

“Dad, it’s not like we won’t have a chance to see wolves,” Danielle said, not looking up from her phone. “Aren’t we going to be in the middle of nowhere for five friggin’ days? We’ll be sleeping with wolves. Like that movie.”

Gracie mumbled, “Dancing with wolves, not sleeping with them,” as she brought the animals into sharp detail.

“Whatever,” Danielle said sharply.

“I think there’s a difference,” Gracie whispered, and not too loudly, wishing she’d never said anything at all. To confirm her thought, Danielle drove a sharp fingernail into her ribs that made her jump and lose the animals. She recovered and refocused.

Then she sighed, sat back, and handed the binoculars to her father. “Those are coyotes, not wolves.”

“Oh, come on,” he said, taking the glasses back.

She waited. She could tell he wanted to turn them into wolves.

Finally, he said, “I’ll be damned. I thought they were wolves.” He was disappointed they were coyotes and seemed disappointed in Gracie for pointing it out.

Gracie said, “Dad, I read those books you sent us. You know, The Wildlife of Yellowstone, Yellowstone Flora and Fauna, Death in Yellowstone, The Geysers of Yellowstone. I read them. I studied them,” she said, hoping for a grunt of appreciation. “You know,” she said, “so Danny wouldn’t have to.”

That got a smile out of him.

“You suck,” Danielle mumbled. “Some of us have lives.”

“You read those books?” her dad asked, nodding.

“Some of them more than once,” Gracie confessed, and wished she hadn’t. She sounded so… without a life. But the fact was she was captivated with the books about a place on earth that could hold so many fascinating things that weren’t made or constructed by man. It had never occurred to her before she read those books that there was an amazing natural location not designed or driven by people. It made her think about how small she was. How small everybody was.

“Don’t drive off, Dad,” Danielle said.

“Do you want to take a look, then?” her dad asked eagerly, handing the binoculars over his shoulder so Danielle could grab them.

“Naw. I’ve got a good signal here,” she said, deadpan.

“It’s gonna get worse,” Gracie said. “In fact, we’ll lose it for good in a minute.”

Danielle looked up, horrified. “Shut up,” she said to Gracie. There was terror in her eyes. Then: “Dad, tell me that’s not true.”

When he realized Danielle didn’t want the glasses he lowered them to his seat as if he’d not held them out to her in the first place. Like he was embarrassed, Gracie thought. He said, “I thought I told you, Danny. There’s no cell service where we’re going. It’s the wilderness. It’s the most remote part of the whole country. At least the lower forty-eight states, to be exact. That’s the whole point.”

Gracie watched Danielle do a slow burn with a whiff of absolute panic.

“Are you telling me I can’t use my phone?” she said.

“Honey,” her dad said, turning around, making his face soft and sympathetic, “it’ll be great. You’ll forget you even have it. I know I told you all this about how remote it would be.”

Danielle’s tone was icy. “You didn’t say I couldn’t use my phone.”

“I think I did.”

Gracie nodded. “I think he did.”

Danielle turned on her. “I don’t know why you’d even care, Gracie. Nobody even knows your number.”

Gracie looked away, instant tears stinging in her eyes. She should be used to how quickly and ruthlessly Danielle could humiliate her and learn not to tear up. She hated when she let her sister get to her.

“This isn’t Yellowstone,” Danielle said to her dad, “It’s friggin’ hell.”

“Honey…,” her Dad said, turning in his seat so he could plead with her.

“My friends go to Europe, or Disneyland, or Hawaii, or Mexico for summer vacation,” Danielle said. “But no, my dad takes me to friggin’ hell.”

“Darling…,” her dad said.

“I should have stayed home,” Danielle said, twisting the knife. “I should have stayed with Mom. At least there was civilization and broadband. And my friends. And friggin’ cell service.”

Her dad turned back around in silence and engaged the transmission and the car eased forward into the lane.

Gracie said, “We can call it Hell-o-stone!”

“Shut the fuck up,” Danielle spat.

“Don’t say that,” Gracie said. “It’s against the law to say fuck in a national park.”

Danielle looked at her suspiciously. “It is?”

Her dad sighed, “Girls, please…”

* * *

It had been their dad’s idea, this trip to Yellowstone National Park. He’d come up with it the previous summer-they stayed with him summers-and he’d announced it suddenly when the sisters returned from an afternoon at the swimming pool at his condo village on the outskirts of St. Paul. Danielle, who’d just broken up with her then-local boyfriend at the pool an hour before and never wanted to see him-or Minnesota-again, said she was all over it.

Anything to get away from Alex and his stupid friends, she’d said, wiping her hands on her pool towel as if rubbing off his disgusting germs.

Gracie, who could never get used to the heat or humidity of the long green summer months compared to where they lived the rest of the year in dry, high-altitude Denver, was thrilled with the idea. Gracie loved animals, hiking, nature, and the idea of a great adventure. But most of all, she wanted to make her dad happy.

It had been obvious for the ten years since the divorce that her dad wasn’t really comfortable with them, maybe because they were girls. He’d never outright said he wanted boys instead, but it was clear that at least he’d know what to do with them: take them to baseball games or something. He really wasn’t an outdoorsman of any kind even though he’d grown up in Colorado, but Gracie guessed he’d take quicker to learning to hike, fish, or hunt for the sake of his sons than he did ferrying his daughters to movies, the Mall of America, restaurants, or waiting for them to return from the pool. He was dutiful, but there was always something sad about him, she thought. Like he liked the idea of having his daughters for the summer more than he actually liked having them there taking over the bathroom or hanging their wet bathing suits from the shower rod to dry.

But this trip really did seem to excite him in a way she’d never seen before. Once he cleared it with their mother-who thought he, and they, were crazy as ticks but acquiesced in the end-he could talk of nothing else for the rest of the year. His eyes sparkled, and his movements seemed more rapid. He fired off e-mails and links about Yellowstone and horses and camping and wildlife. For Christmas he sent them both sleeping bags, flashlights, headlamps, travel fishing rods and reels, new digital cameras, rain ponchos, and National Geographic maps of the park.

Gracie read everything he sent, and obsessed over the “What to Bring” list forwarded from the outfitter. Danielle rolled her eyes and said, “What-does he think we’re his boys, now?”

Gracie suspected there was an ulterior motive to his enthusiasm, but she didn’t know yet what it was. She suspected through comments her mother had made over the years that her dad wasn’t very happy growing up, that his intensity (he was a software engineer who traveled a lot all over the country and the world) prevented him from ever being loose or carefree. He thought in terms of circuit boards and digital switches, and when the level of drama was high-which it often was with Danielle and sometimes Gracie-that he was “better at hardware than software,” as if that explained everything. She thought maybe he was hoping he could go on this wilderness cowboy pack trip