The Midwife's Confession

Most of all, though, Emerson and I were grieving all over again, this time for the Noelle we now knew had been Emerson’s sister. We’d been sitting there more than thirty minutes, remembering back to our days in the Galloway dorm when Noelle had befriended us. We’d felt pretty smug back then that this older girl—this woman, really—became our friend over all the other girls on the floor. Why didn’t she ever tell Emerson what she knew? If only she had. If only she and Emerson could have enjoyed their sisterhood out in the open. The truth explained so much. No wonder I’d always had the feeling of being a little on the outside of the two of them. No wonder Noelle seemed to love Emerson just a little bit more than she did me. I wished that Sam were alive so I could tell him. It would blow his mind.

We’d decided not to tell Jenny or Grace yet. Life was too chaotic right now, and besides, Emerson needed some time to absorb the news herself. She’d told Ted, of course, and with her permission, I’d told Ian. He’d come over for dinner last night while Grace went to the movies with Jenny. I felt as though I needed to sneak around with Ian these days. There was nothing between us other than a good and growing friendship, but Grace was so disapproving that I felt uncomfortable even mentioning his name around her.

He’d been astonished when I told him about Noelle and Emerson. He stood in middle of the kitchen, shaking his head in disbelief. “I was engaged to a woman I didn’t know at all,” he said. Then he ran his hand over his thinning blond hair. “I wonder if anybody knew her. It must have been so lonely, being Noelle.” For the first time, I realized he still loved her. Maybe only a little bit, but the love was still there in his eyes and in the sadness of his voice.

“Hello!”

Emerson and I heard Suzanne’s voice coming from inside the house. We’d left the front door open for her.

“We’re out here, Suzanne!” Emerson called, getting to her feet. She looked at me, motioning toward the garden. “We might as well show her the best thing first,” she said.

Suzanne pushed open the screened door and joined us on the porch, her blue eyes round with wonder, as usual. “Hi!” She gave us each a hug, then put on a scolding look. “Listen, you two. You have to let me do something to help with the party.”

“It’s all under control,” I said. Mostly the truth.

“We just want you to have a good time,” Emerson said. Her eyes were a little bloodshot and I hoped Suzanne didn’t notice.

“The house looks so different without Noelle’s things in it,” she said. “Can I help choose the paint colors?”

“Absolutely,” Emerson said. “As well as the stain on the hardwood floors and the tile in the kitchen.”

“Look at Noelle’s garden!” Suzanne started down the porch steps and we followed. “I remember how spectacular it is in the spring.”

“It was Noelle’s pride and joy,” Emerson said.

“Her birdbath.” Suzanne pointed at the little girl on tiptoe. “Isn’t that the sweetest thing? And the herbs!” She bent over to touch the Thai basil. “She’d always give me some. Now I can be the one giving them away.”

Behind her back, Emerson gave me a thumbs-up. “We were hoping you liked gardening,” she said.

“I do, and I’ve had no room to do any of it in the dinky little yard I have now.” Suzanne tore her gaze away from the garden. “Are you sure you can wait till March to rent it? I know that’s a long time.”

“Not a problem,” Emerson said.

“Will Cleve be living with you over the summer?” I asked. The house was fine for one low-maintenance person. Add a teenage boy and I wasn’t so sure.

“He’ll be doing his Habitat for Humanity thing and I know he wants to spend time with his father in Pennsylvania and who knows what else,” she said. “I can fit a daybed in that second bedroom for him, and I’ll probably set up my desk in the living room. Besides, Cleve’s not going to be living with me for the rest of his life, I hope.” She looked at me. “How’s Grace doing?” she asked. There was sympathy in her voice.

“She’s doing well,” I said. I felt protective of Grace. I’d never let Suzanne know how much my daughter missed her son.

“She’s a beautiful girl with beautiful manners,” Suzanne said.

“Thanks.” I smiled. Grace was definitely a beautiful girl, and I was happy to hear that her manners passed muster, at least away from home.

“Suzanne, I wanted to ask you if you knew Jane Rogers,” Emerson said. “She was a midwife who worked with—”

“Oh, sure,” Suzanne said. “She used to work at the Birth Center. She retired years ago and moved to Australia.”

“Australia!” Emerson said.

“You wanted to let her know about Noelle?” Suzanne asked.

I glanced at Emerson, wondering how much to say. “Actually, we were talking to an old patient of Noelle’s who said that when she went into labor, Noelle wasn’t feeling well and called Jane in to take over for her. So we were just wondering who Jane was.”

Suzanne nodded. “That would make sense. They covered for each other. I was really out of the business by then, though. After Cleve was born, I just wanted to play mommy for a while.” She bent down and plucked a leaf from the sage and lifted it to her nose. “Here’s something I’ve been wondering about,” she said. “If Noelle hasn’t been a midwife all these years, why did she still do that rural work every year or so? Some years, she’d be there a few months.” She looked from me to Emerson. Emerson’s eyes were as startled as mine and I knew she was wondering the same thing I was. Were the patients Noelle saw during those months documented in her record books?

“I don’t know, Suzanne,” I said slowly. “There are so many questions and I don’t think we’re ever going to get the answers.”

“Do you know exactly where she’d go?” Emerson asked her.