The Shadow Wife

Carlynn spoke to Mara in an even, almost hypnotic, tone.

“This feels so good, doesn’t it, Mara?” Carlynn asked. “Yes, you like the way it feels. You like to be touched with caring, I think. You can tell the difference if someone cares or not. You are very wise that way.”

After a while, Carlynn stopped talking and Joelle looked up to see Mara’s gaze fastened on the older woman. There wasn’t a sound in the room, and Joelle looked at their hands. One of Mara’s hands lay limp in Carlynn’s, but the fingers of her right hand, her so-called “good” hand, were moving against Carlynn’s palm. She was massaging her! Could it possibly be? She didn’t dare stand up to see, but something was happening between Mara and the healer. Something Joelle was not a part of.

Mara’s eyes gradually fell shut and her breathing grew even, but Joelle felt certain that her face lacked the flaccid, droopy look of her usual sleep. Her facial muscles looked merely relaxed rather than limp and wasted.

Carlynn turned to smile at Joelle, then silently replaced the cap on the baby lotion. She was getting up from the bed when Liam walked into the room.

“Joelle!” he said, stopping short. He looked at Carlynn, then back at Joelle. “I didn’t expect to see you here.”

Of course he hadn’t. She had told him she was leaving work early to go to a doctor’s appointment.

“Liam, this is Carlynn Shire,” she said, motioning toward the older woman, hoping he wouldn’t recognize her name.

“Hello, Carlynn.” He reached out to shake her hand, then frowned. “Are you the Carlynn Shire of the Shire Mind and Body Center?” he asked.

“Yes.” Carlynn smiled warmly at him, reaching for her cane. “Although I’m retired now.”

Joelle saw his jaw muscles tighten beneath the skin of his cheeks and knew he was angry. He controlled himself, though, as he turned toward her.

“How is she today?” he asked, but there were a dozen other questions in his eyes.

“I think she’s doing very well,” Joelle said, wanting to get Carlynn and herself out of the room as quickly as she could. “Carlynn gave her a hand massage, and now we’re on our way out.”

Mara opened her eyes again, and when she saw Liam she let out the little squeal of childish joy that she seemed to save only for him. She raised her one good arm an inch or so off the bed, and he moved toward her, leaning over to kiss her unresponsive lips. Then he lifted one of her soft, baby-lotioned hands and held it tightly against his hip as he turned to Joelle.

“Could I speak with you a moment before you go?” he asked.

Damn. “Sure,” she said. “Carlynn, would you mind waiting in the hall for me?”

Liam waited until Carlynn had left the room.

“What the hell’s going on?” Liam asked, the words coming out slowly and deliberately as he worked to keep his voice calm. Joelle knew he wouldn’t raise his voice around Mara.

“I…could we talk about this later?” she asked.

“You bet we can,” he said. “I’ll call you tonight.”

“All right.” She picked up her purse and left the room. She’d wanted to hear those words from him for over three months now. I’ll call you. This was one call, though, she wasn’t looking forward to.

Both she and Carlynn were quiet for the first mile or so of the drive back to the mansion, and Joelle was barely aware of the older woman’s presence. Liam was furious with her, and rightly so. She should not have brought Carlynn to see Mara without his permission. She’d crossed some ethical boundary, perhaps, one she couldn’t identify but knew was there. Otherwise, she wouldn’t have hidden the visit from him.

Until Mara’s aneurysm, she had rarely, if ever, seen Liam angry. She’d certainly witnessed his frustration over some of the cases in the hospital, when he was helpless in the face of whatever fate had planned for a particular patient, or when he felt he could help someone but the policies of the hospital or some other bureaucracy got in his way. He felt the plight of his patients deeply, much as she did. They had learned together over the years how to walk the line between distance and overinvolvement with their patients, how to maintain enough objectivity to be able to help, without losing their humanity in the process. It was something they used to talk about often—the broad philosophical aspects of their work. She’d loved those talks, and their relationship had been strong enough to allow them to disagree with one another without breaking down. That, she knew, was no longer true.

They reached the Pacific Grove gate to the Seventeen Mile Drive. The man at the tollbooth waved them through, and once on the Drive, Carlynn finally spoke.

“I think I can help Mara,” she said. “There is still a great deal of energy and grace left in your friend. I think I can tap into that, but it will take time.”

Joelle thought back to what she had witnessed in the nursing home. “She was massaging your hand, wasn’t she?” she asked.

“It seemed that way to me.” Carlynn smiled.

Joelle knew she would never be able to bring Carlynn back to the nursing home now that Liam had seen her there and had reacted the way he did. But she didn’t want to address that with Carlynn just then.

“I honestly thought she looked better by the time we were ready to leave,” Joelle said.

“Well, of course, we’d both like to think that. Only time will tell if we’re fooling ourselves or not. It doesn’t always work, Joelle. You must understand that.”

Joelle laughed. “It’s harder for me to accept that it sometimes does work,” she said. She glanced at Carlynn. “Do I pay you per visit or…?”

“You don’t pay me at all,” she said. “I’m retired. I only work when I truly want to. And from what you’ve told me, Mara is worth my time and energy.”