War and Peas

with job applications, she thought. He finally finished and stacked his copies in a box. Just as he was slipping the lid on, the door opened and Jumper Cable appeared. Today he had on a Stetson hat, lizard-skin cowboy boots, Western-cut tan trousers, and a plaid shirt with pearl buttons.

“Secret stuff going on?' he said cheerfully. 'Why was the door closed?'

“Was it?' Derek said, checking the copier to make sure he hadn't left a page in it.

“Is Detective VanDyne around?' Jumper asked. 'I told him I'd meet him here.'

“I think he's talking to Sharlene,' Derek said. Out of the corner of her eye Jane noticed that he'd put his box of resumes on a chair and put a box of blank copy paper on top of it. 'Is this about the basement?' he asked Jumper, joining him at the board table.

“Yup,' Jumper said.

“It's up to the board and the police, of course, but I wouldn't waste much of anybody's time on trying to figure it out,' Derek said. 'Seems to me that somebody's just plain nosy. But I think, considering everything, we ought to get some locks changed and make better use of the security system.'

“I agree with you,' Jumper said, sounding as if he were surprised to find himself in accord with Derek.

“Listen, Cable — about this acting-director position — any idea how long before the board makes a permanent selection?”

Jane kept on working at the computer. Apparently a woman at a keyboard was much like a woman driving kids in a car. She ceased to exist as a hearing human entity.

“I don't know,' Jumper answered, seemingly as unaware of Jane's presence as Derek was. 'As you must know, we keep a file of applicants for positions here and will probably be asking them to update their material if they're interested. I've suggested putting an ad in trade publications, but Babs disagrees.'

“You do know I'm interested in the job, don't you?' Derek's tone was unattractively wheedling.

“Of course,' Jumper said pleasantly. 'It's always best to promote from within, if possible.'

“I've — well, I glanced through that applicant file this morning. As acting director, I think I'm entitled to.' He waited a moment to see if Jumper would dispute this, but Jumper said nothing. 'I don't think you'll find anyone in there with my credentials,' he continued.

“Possibly not,' Jumper said. Jane wondered if Derek could also hear the wary tone creeping into Jumper's voice. 'Your academic background is impeccable. Downright impressive, in fact.'

“Thanks,' Derek said.

There was a long silence and then Jumper spoke again, slowly, choosing his words with great care. 'There are other considerations as well.'

“Like what?'

“Oh, public-relations aspects of the job—”

Derek sounded relieved. 'Right. You saw that television spot I did two weeks ago about the Pea Festival, didn't you? If I do say so myself, I think I did a good presentation on that.'

“It was excellent,' Jumper said. 'But the anchorwoman who interviewed you is a friend of mine. She called me later and said you'd tried to hit on her off camera.'

“Hit on her? That's nuts! Why do women think that any good-looking man who's pleasant to them is trying to score? Jeez! Well, let me tell you, your anchorwoman friend is a frigid bitch. It's like Regina, getting all uptight. Of course, she was a lesbo.'

'What?'

“Well, it figures, doesn't it? A woman that age who's never been married?'

“I doubt that her fiance would agree with that,' Jumper said coldly. 'Derek, this attitude of yours — that everything is sexual and that any woman who doesn't fall for you is frigid or a lesbian or imagining what your motives are — counts against you. Badly. All your academic credits fade away when the board has to consider possible suits against you and the museum.'

“What are you saying — cowboy?' he said sarcastically. 'That I'm not going to be appointed director?'

“It's not up to me. But you shouldn't count on my vote. And as attorney for the museum, I'll warn the others of the liability.'

“I'm a liability? Look here, you've got a board with a lawyer who likes to dress funny, an old broad who bumped off her husband — oh, you didn't think I knew about that, did you? — and Georgia out there doing fund-raising and keeping half the money for herself. And you call me a liability?”

Jane nearly slid off her chair, but forced herself to pretend she wasn't listening. She fancied that Heidi the cat looked more interested than she did.

Derek got up and grabbed his box of resumes so violently that the lid flew off and papers fluttered everywhere. He snatched them up roughly, jammed them back in the box, and stomped out of the room.

Thirteen

'He said what?' Shelley said, whispering but managing to sound hysterical at the same time.

Jane had found Shelley hunched over a glass case, trying to transcribe the information on the labels of various kitchen tools onto her data forms. There was a school group going through the room. 'Come out in the hall,' Jane whispered back. When they were alone, Jane said, 'Jumper and Derek were having an argument. It started out with Derek trying to find out if he had any chance at being appointed director. Jumper wasn't committing to anything, but said something about Derek's 'way' with women, and Derek made some crack about how some television friend of Jumper's was frigid and Regina must have been a lesbian if they failed to respond to his overtures, and that really pissed Jumper off and he came right out and said he'd oppose Derek's appointment and tell the board he'd get them all sued if he got the job — or something like that. And then Derek said how could Jumper call him a liability when the board had an old lady who killed her husband. And a crack about Georgia raising funds and keeping part of the money.'

“Whew!' Shelley said, glancing around furtively to make sure nobody could overhear them. 'How did Jumper react?'

“I don't know. I didn't dare look at him. I think they'd both forgotten that I was even in the room. I could see only Derek in my peripheral vision. He got up and dropped his resumes—'

“Resumes?'

“That's what he was doing in there, I think. Copying resumes.'

“Georgia playing tricks with the money doesn't surprise me a bit,' Shelley said. 'But what on earth did he mean about Babs? He was talking about her, wasn't he? There isn't another older woman on the board, I don't think. Didn't Jumper react to that at all? Ask Derek what he meant or anything?'

“I imagine he looked surprised. Derek said, 'You didn't think I knew about that, did you?' But it was all over too fast for Jumper to say anything. Derek blew all this steam and flounced off.'

“Didn't Jumper notice you then?'

“I don't know. I just kept typing random nonsense and a minute later, I heard Jumper walk out of the room. I deleted the computer mess I'd made, then came looking for you.'

“Did anyone else hear this?' Shelley asked.

“I have no idea. The door was open and Derek was talking loudly. I suppose if anyone was in the hallway, they could have heard.'

“I think — we had better take Sharlene out to lunch and find out what this is all about.'

“But carefully. Derek might have just made it all up to shock Jumper. We don't want to help him spread a rumor.”

Shelley set up lunch with Sharlene while Jane went back to work, and they all met at the front door of the museum a little after noon.

“This is so nice of you two,' Sharlene said. 'Not at all. You deserve a treat,' Shelley said. 'This has been a tough week.”

Shelley had made reservations at a very nice Italian restaurant a few blocks away that was run by a friend of her husband's, so they were ushered to the best table as if they were royalty. Sharlene wanted to know what everything on the menu meant, and the young waiter, who was goggle-eyed at her lush, if somewhat unusual, beauty, was more than happy to oblige her. They finally settled on their orders and Sharlene asked them how they were coming along on the database project.