CEO.'
'I don't even know what a CEO is, you realize.'
'Chief executive officer. That's better than president. President is usually an honorary position and the board of directors can fire me.' She thought for a moment and said, 'Or maybe it's the other way around. Anyway, can you do a Boston accent?'
'We don't have to have been born and raised in Boston to live in Boston, you know. I think it would be a bit over the top to try accents,' Jane said with a laugh.
Shelley's eyes got slitty with cynicism. 'You know why Bitsy got us this today? Before giving us the contract?'
'To whet our appetites, right?'
'Yes. She thinks we'll be so overwhelmed by this place that we'll accept anything to come back.'
Jane sighed. 'She's probably right.'
They were overwhelmed. They arrived at about ten-thirty and waited through a short line to be vetted and approved. They'd learned from the brochure that some of the building was open to the public and group tours, but to get into the part where real decorators could purchase items at discount rates, you had to have a letterhead document and a business tax number issued by
the IRS. If you were approved, you received a clip-on identification tag you had to wear to get in. Those items were all included in the packet of paperwork Bitsy had given them.
As they inched up, Jane whispered, 'What if they say we're fakes?'
'They'll probably just escort us to the front door. Trust me. I'll take care of it.'
'Isn't this just as dishonest as writing term papers for other people?' Jane asked.
'Apples versus oranges, Jane. By now, if we'd had a good contract, we'd really be decorators.'
There was something in this reasoning that wasn't right, Jane decided, but this was not the time to debate it.
When they reached the head of the line, Shelley casually surrendered the paperwork as if she'd done it a hundred times before and was bored senseless with the process. She turned to Jane and said, 'I think we should hit the kitchen appliances first, and if there's time today, we can move to bathrooms. Next week we'll take on the wallpaper.'
She spoke so confidently and bossily that the guard let them through, barely glancing at their paperwork.
For several hours they roamed around, getting lost at frequent intervals. Jane seldom bought new dishwashers and fancy plumbing for bathrooms, but Shelley seemed to have the retail prices of everything on earth in her head.
She kept hissing at Jane, 'That's forty percent off retail. Boy, did I get ripped off when I replaced our bathtub.' And, 'Can you believe this price? It's less than half what you'd pay in a hardware or department store for this kind of toilet even if you could find one.'
Contrary to the conversation at the approval stage, Shelley decided they'd look at bathroom things first. She closely examined bidets, rejecting most of them as not having attractive enough hardware. Then she moved on to a wide assortment of medicine cabinets, fancy clothes hampers, disposable Water Piks, gold-plated faucets, bath rugs, monogrammed towels in fifty colors, and an amazingly complete array of countertop ornaments, both practical and stupid. Soap holders shaped like swans, cars, treasure chests, cut-glass candy dishes, and tiny keyboards. Toothbrush holders galore, even silver-plated dental floss holders.
She looked at about forty different towel rails and decided they must have the heated kind.
'Imagine, Jane, getting out of the tub and wrapping up in a nice hot towel. You could even throw your robe over one of the heated ones before you bathe.'
The only thing that really attracted Jane's attention was a shower with a computer pad that set the temperature of the water so it automatically came on right from the start.
Shelley pooh-poohed it. 'Too many people are
afraid of anything computerized,' she said as she moved along to a couple of dozen lavatory paper holders, toilet brush concealers, and what Jane estimated were nearly a hundred showerheads.
Jane was soon a victim of overload and sore feet. She shouldn't have brought such a big heavy purse. She kept bumping into things and other people with it. The big purse seemed to be mysteriously gaining weight as they trudged around. But Shelley was in her element and was energized.
'I have to go home. I'm hungry. My feet hurt. I'm tired,' Jane whined at 2:15.
'What a wimp you are. This is the greatest place I've ever seen. I'd camp out in one of those enormous sleigh beds we saw on our way up here for a week if they'd let me,' Shelley said with a grin.
'Not me. I can find my way home and get a taxi from the train stop if you want to stay longer.'
'Okay. We'll leave. But we'll come back if Bitsy comes up with a good contract. This surely has been an education. Paul told me about a place nearby that does a fabulous lunch. Come to think of it, I'm hungry, too,' she said with surprise.
'Apparently neither your digestive tract nor your feet have told you what you're doing to them,' Jane said, turning the wrong way to leave.
Shelley grabbed Jane's elbow. 'Not that direction. Follow me.'
Jane took her word for it. While Jane had been all over the world and seldom lost her bearings, the Merchandise Mart had completely destroyed her sense of direction. She obediently trailed along behind Shelley like an exhausted, whimpering puppy.
Jane recovered slightly over a Crab Louis salad, which was the best she'd ever had. 'We aren't really going to do this again next week, are we?'
'We overestimated how well we had to dress,' Shelley said. 'Didn't you see all those people with comfy sneakers and waist packs instead of monster purses like the one you brought along? Now that we know our way around — at least
'Would you be embarrassed if I took a nap on the train home?' Jane asked, gently shoving her salad plate toward Shelley.
'Only if you promise not to snore.'
'I don't snore.'
'How do you know?' Shelley asked.
'Well, maybe sometimes,' Jane admitted. She picked at the handmade oyster crackers that had come with her salad for a moment and finally said, 'Shelley, promise me you won't drag this out any further if the contract isn't really good.
I'm not the same caliber of shopper that you are. You couldn't get me back into that place today if you held a gun to my temple.'
'You'll get over it,' Shelley said with complete confidence. 'But only if we get a decent contract. I do promise you that.'
Nineteen
Jane felt even worse the next morning when she woke up. The foot she had broken a bone in several months earlier, and hadn't given her so much as a twinge after she got the cast off, was slightly swollen and hurt like the devil. She was afraid she'd done it some damage and didn't even want to put shoes on today. Her left shoulder ached a bit from hauling around the heavy purse the day before.
The trip to the Merchandise Mart hadn't been good for her. She never wanted to see the place again. Of course, Shelley would go back at the drop of a hat, but Shelley really didn't need her along, regardless of the partnership. Shelley had a flair for decorating and an obsession with shopping. Jane had neither quality. But she was good at putting colors together well, with the front hall being her single notable exception.
If the contract was good enough to accept, she'd work something out with Shelley to take less of
the profits, if she herself was allowed to avoid the Merchandise Mart forevermore.
After hobbling around getting Todd and Katie off to school, she brooded over this while she soaked in a hot, sudsy bath with a paperback mystery set in an unnamed suburb of Chicago. The phone rang in her bedroom a couple of times, but she made no effort to hop out of hot soapy water to answer it.
As the water started cooling, she washed her hair, showered the soap off, put on her favorite fuzzy yellow
