“Don’t be such a shit,” Lauren said.
“What’s with the attitude, peaches?” Preston asked. “Just a little joke. You like jokes, don’t you?”
Lauren sighed and turned back to the computer. Final y she ordered a BLT with extra bacon, hold the bread, tomato, and lettuce. Then she walked back to the kitchen to explain to Alberto what the order meant before he came out yel ing.
When Lauren got back, there was another customer in her section. “He just sat there,” Carly said. She sat on a bar stool and sipped cranberry juice, looking miserable. Lauren didn’t feel like fighting with Carly today, or hearing the details of her UTI, so she picked up her pad and went over to the table.
“Hi,” Lauren said.
“Hi,” the man said back. He was about thirty, but he was dressed like he was older; his hair was swirled in an old-fashioned part and his suit was impeccable. He wore heavy-looking cuff links of a bear on his right wrist and a bul on his left. Lauren hated him on the spot.
“Can I get you something to start?” she asked.
“Wel , to start with, you could smile. Would that be too much to ask?”
Lauren looked up and locked eyes with him for a second. People were always tel ing her to smile. Construction workers on the street and random guys in bars would just cal out to her, “Hey, beautiful, smile!” They said it like they were doing her a favor, like they could make her happy with this little tip.
“My mouth turns down,” Lauren said. “I’m not unhappy.”
“Whoa, okay. That’s more information than I asked for.”
Lauren sighed. “You told me to smile, implying that I was unhappy. But I’m not. My mouth turns down and sometimes it looks that way.”
“So what are you?” the guy asked.
“What do you mean?”
“Wel , you said you’re not unhappy and you clearly aren’t happy. So what are you today?”
“I guess I’m neutral.”
“Wel , neutral, it’s lovely to meet you. Can you get me a Glenlivet on the rocks?”
Lauren nodded and turned away. She was used to creepy customers. And she knew from experience that this guy was a self-important creeper, which was the worst kind. He thought that Lauren should be thril ed to be his waitress. He thought he was different from every other customer.
Lauren placed the drink order at the bar and then went to deliver the food to her other table. The boy clapped his hands when she put down his plates of fries and bacon.
“And pickles!” he cried. “I want some pickles.”
Lauren wanted to tel him about the rise of childhood obesity, but she went back to the kitchen and pul ed four pickles out of the pickle tub and put them on a plate. When she placed them in front of the boy he said, “You’re a pickle,” and pointed to the brunette. Then he clamped both hands over his mouth and laughed and bounced on his seat.
She picked up the Glenlivet from the bar and deposited it on the table. “Are you ready to order?” she asked. She looked down at her pad. She didn’t want to meet his eyes.
“I know you from somewhere,” he said.
“I don’t think so,” she answered. “People say that a lot. I’m a familiar-looking person.”
“No, I definitely know you from somewhere. What’s your name?”
Lauren looked up at him. She debated giving him a fake name. Maybe this would be the serial kil er who would murder her. Carly could tel the cameras that she felt guilty for not waiting on him. “It could have been me,” she would cry through purple mascara.
“Did you forget?” he asked.
“What?”
“Did you forget your name? It’s taking you a long time to answer.”
“Lauren,” she said. She figured if he was going to murder her, he was going to do it whether or not he knew her real name.
“Lauren,” he said. “I don’t know any Laurens.” He looked at her careful y.
“I told you, I’m a familiar-looking person,” she said. His stare was upsetting. She wanted him to stop looking at her. He ordered a steak sandwich and another drink. Lauren looked down, surprised. She hadn’t realized he had finished the first drink while they were talking. She took the empty glass and walked away.
“Lauren, who’s the hottie over there?” Carly was looking much perkier after her third glass of cranberry juice.
“Just some guy. He’s kind of a creep,” Lauren said, and waited for Preston to look her way so that she could order the drink.
“So you’re taking next weekend off?” Carly asked. “Ray asked if I could cover your shift.”
“Yeah, I have to go to a wedding,” Lauren said.
“Oh, fun! I love weddings,” Carly said, and then she sighed. “I want to get married.”
“Is that a proposal?” Preston asked.
