Which leads me to my alternate theory: If women don't take over the world it will be because dummies do- the ones who can't read or do math. They won't know how the modern technological world works and it will collapse on them. Again, I'm glad I won't be here to see it.
But to get back to my point, I had to be careful what I did, because residents of Silver Acres would be watching.
I broached the subject of murder to Tess on Monday, a typical hot summer morning, as we walked to our water aerobics class at the Silver Acres indoor pool. Tess was less than enthusiastic about me conducting an investigation. “You mean you want to go nosing around like Agatha Christie's Miss Marple? Or the detective with the funny name in those alphabet books? A is for…awful acts, B is for bad people. Those books are too gory for me.”
“I'll be discreet,” I said. “But I need you to help me. You have a certain savoir-faire that I lack, which helps in social situations, at least when you don't forget to wear your hearing aid. And you're so much better at small talk than I am.”
“So you want to make me your sidekick, eh? Well, I'm no Dr. Watson. And you're no Sherlock Holmes.”
“Don't blow this out of proportion, Tess. I just want to satisfy my conscience. For example, Dora is in our aerobics class and she tried to help Gerald. I'd like to talk to her. She might have some insight.”
Water aerobics is good for people who suffer from arthritis and other joint problems-or just plain old age. Even wheelchair-bound residents could be lowered into the pool, which was only four feet deep, by mechanical means. The buoyancy of the water made it easy to stand; Tess, who had chronic sore feet, was pain-free in the water. The resistance the water provided helped to strengthen arm and leg muscles as we went through our exercise routines. Even 90-year-olds could improve their muscle tone.
After the workout Tess and I approached Dora in the locker room next to the pool, where she was drying off. Her small body didn't look bad in a bathing suit. She seemed to have been spared some of the ravages of old age, such as varicose veins.
I was debating what to say when Tess opened the conversation. “Dora, it's wonderful what you did to help Gerald. I feel a lot better living here, knowing that people like you are available in an emergency.”
Dora shook her head. “I'm devastated that we couldn't save him. He was such a nice man. But his heart was too weak to withstand the anaphylaxis.”
“Anaphylaxis?” I asked.
“A severe allergic reaction. It can be caused by medication or food, but since Gerald wasn't on any new medications that's been ruled out. They say shellfish caused it.”
“So the closing of Gerald's throat was definitely an allergic reaction.”
“That's what the autopsy report says. I talked to Dr. Wacker at the clinic about it on Friday. I was trying to deal with my guilt, I guess.”
Carol had mentioned guilt also. There was a lot of it going around. I said, “It wasn't your fault he had an allergy. But tell me-how soon does this reaction start after eating the forbidden food?”
“It can start in as little as five to fifteen minutes.”
The timing was right. “There's nothing you could have done.”
“You win some and lose some. The best medicine, of course, is preventive. If only the lunch committee had known about Gerald's allergy to shellfish.”
“I wanted to ask you about that,” I said. “Did anybody know about it?”
“Carol asked me the same question. Not that I'm aware of. Although she told me it was on his medical record.”
“So there's a possibility that even if he hadn't talked about it, somebody may have seen his record.”
“Medical information is supposed to be confidential…”
“Of course. What kind of a relationship did you have with Gerald?”
“We were…friends…good friends. But we were not romantically involved.”
“Dora, did Gerald have any special girlfriends? I know he was chummy with a number of different women.”
“It sounds like you're conducting a murder investigation.” Dora stood up from the bench where she had been sitting. “You don't suppose that Gerald's death wasn't accidental, do you?”
“I don't know. It's just suspicious.” I explained about the 13 diamonds.
Dora reflected. “He was quite close to two women. “One was Harriet Monroe. The other was Ida Wilson.”
“They were both sitting at his table,” Tess said. “Keeping an eye on each other. I wonder if there was some jealousy there.”
“I don't see much point in this romantic nonsense at our age,” I said. “Mooning over men like schoolgirls. It isn't as if there were a payoff. All they do is talk, anyway.”
“As a nurse, I can tell you that's not true,” Dora said. “It's not all talk.”
“You mean…they indulge?” Tess asked.
“You mean they have sex?” I asked.
“Yes,” Dora, said, smiling at our surprise. “You would be amazed at what goes on here at Silver Acres. They may not be as active as they were when they were younger, but that doesn't mean everybody here is celibate.”
“Like we are,” Tess said. “So there's Viagra in the medicine cabinets.”
“Peyton Place,” I said. “I'm shocked.” They say older people sometimes forget about sex. I hadn't forgotten about sex; I just didn't want to have sex with the few doddering single men at Silver Acres. But apparently not everyone agreed with me.
“One of my friends here even tells off-color jokes,” Dora said. “Here's one she told me. A doctor got mad at his wife for some reason so he chewed her out. At the end of his lecture he added for good measure, 'And you're lousy in bed, too.' The next morning he went to his office. He felt badly about the things he had said so he called his wife around noon and asked about her day. She said she was in bed. 'At this hour?' he fumed. 'What in the world are you doing in bed?' She said, 'I'm getting a second opinion.'“
After we chuckled, Dora said, “Both Harriet and Ida are on the lunch committee. Since you're talking about suspicions, it would make sense that the murderer would have had the opportunity to doctor the food.”
“Who else is on the lunch committee?” I asked. I probably should have known, but I tend to forget things.
“At the risk of incriminating myself, I am.”
“That makes you a suspect,” Tess said, smiling. “Do you want to confess now?”
Dora laughed. “Well, since we're naming suspects, there is a fourth member of the lunch committee-Ellen Tooner.”
“Do you remember where Ellen was sitting?” I asked.
“Why yes,” Dora said. “If I recall, correctly, she was the fourth person at Gerald's table.”
“Just one more question,” I said, trying to sound offhand, like Columbo. “Which one of you prepared the fatal dish?”
“We all worked on it,” Dora said. “At Harriet's apartment. We usually meet at one of our apartments before the bridge club and prepare the lunch together. The recipe we were working from didn't call for shellfish. It called for tuna, which is not a shellfish. In fact, I can remember seeing Harriet put the tuna into it. And I was very surprised when I heard about the shellfish being found in it.”
The three of us stood looking at each other for seconds, not speaking. Finally, Dora said, “I-I didn't make the connection before. I guess that's significant, isn't it?”
“Monstrously,” Tess said. “Whoever put in the shellfish is the murderer.”
“If, indeed, there was a murder,” I said.
Now the others both looked at me. Tess said, “But you're the one propounding the murder theory.”
“Just playing devil's advocate. Remember that it's only a theory so far.”
After leaving Dora, Tess and I walked back to our almost-adjoining apartments, which were in the same
