Then why wasn’t he doing it?
He was surprised to hear himself saying in a voice that sounded quite ordinary, ‘Come and sit down.’ He was holding his hand out to her, and slowly she put hers into it. Then he drew her round the head of the couch and on to its seat, and still with her hand in his he sat beside her, and as he looked at her an excitement rose in him. He seemed to be drawing it from her. Aye yes, that was the other word he wanted for what he felt for her, excitement. It was almost akin to the feeling he got when he was in a good game. He hadn’t been aware of it, but that was why he had liked to be in her company, liked to hear her talk; even when she was getting her sly digs in at him, she was exciting.
If she hadn’t been so tall and thin and plain what was happening now would likely have happened months ago. But now he realized that her thinking, her voice, her manner, the way she dressed, all the things she did were in a way a compensation for her looks. In fact, they formed a kind of cloak over them because there had been times lately when in her company that he had forgotten how she looked. He hadn’t realized this until now. Suddenly he felt at ease with her as he’d never done before. He knew he could talk to her now, aye and comfort her. He bent towards her and said, ‘Can I tell you something?’
Her eyes had a moisture in them when she answered, ‘I’m eager to hear whatever you have to say, Rory.’
‘It’s going to be difficult for me to put into words ’cos you see I haven’t your gift, your gift of the gab.’ He wagged the hand that was within his. ‘You know you’ve got the gift of the gab, don’t you? But there’s one thing, when you open your mouth something meaningful always comes out. That’s the difference between you an’ me . . . and the likes of me. But I . . . I want to tell you, I’ve been learnin’ these months past. There’s not a day gone by when I’ve been with you but I haven’t learned something from you. It mightn’t show, it still hasn’t covered up me aggressiveness.’ Again he shook her hand. ‘And I want to tell you something more. I’ve liked being with you . . . I mean, I do like being with you. You won’t believe this, but well, I . . . I find you sort of exciting, I’ve never known any other woman like you. Well, I wouldn’t, would I, not coming from my quarter? Mind, I must say at this point that Janie was a fine girl and I was happy with her. I’ve got to say that; you said a minute ago let’s be honest. Yet, at the same time, I’ve got to admit she wasn’t excitin’. Lovable aye, but not excitin’. Looking back, I see that Janie had little to teach me, only perhaps thoughtfulness for others; she could get really worked up over other people’s problems, you know, and after all, that’s no small thing, is it?’
‘No, it isn’t . . . Rory.’
‘Yes?’
‘What is the answer you’re giving me? I . . . I want to hear it in . . . in definite terms. You are being kind now but I don’t know whether it is merely to soothe me. I want to hear you say, “Yes, Charlotte,” or “No, Charlotte.” ’
Their hands were still joined, their knees almost touching, their faces not more than two feet apart, and he knew that if he said no, his life would in some way become empty, barren, and not only because he might no longer have admittance to this house.
‘. . . Yes . . . Charlotte.’
He watched her close her eyes. When she opened them they were bright; in any other face they would have been starry.
‘It’s a bargain.’
‘Aye, it’s a bargain.’
As he uttered the words he again had a vivid mental picture of the kitchen. He could see his dad, Ruth, her, and Jimmy, all staring at him, all saying, ‘What, her, Miss Kean! Never! . . . What about Janie?’
He said suddenly, ‘I’m not going to make any excuses about me people; I’m not going to hide them; you’ll have to meet them.’
‘I’ll be pleased to, very pleased to. I’ve never had any people of my own.’
He said suddenly on a laugh, ‘You know something? I’ll never make excuses to you, I’ll always tell you the truth. That’s a promise. It’ll likely not always please you . . .’
‘It won’t.’ She was pulling a long face at him now and her laughter was high, slightly out of control as she said, ‘It certainly won’t if you tell me you are going out gambling every night.’
When his eyes widened and his lips fell apart her laughter increased and she cried with the air of a young teasing girl, which lay awkwardly on her, ‘Didn’t I tell you I know most things about most people in this town?’
His face straight and his voice flat, he asked, ‘How did you know about that?’
‘Deduction, and the one word you kept repeating when you were in hospital. When I first saw you, you said again and again, “Pittie. Pittie. Pittie.” The second time I visited you you were still saying it.’
‘I was?’
‘Yes, and you know when a man gets beaten up as you were there’s nearly always something behind it. A footpad might have hit you on the head and knocked you senseless, but then I don’t think he would have kicked you within an inch of death’s door. After thinking about it, I realized you were telling everyone the name of your assailants, but no one seemed to be taking any notice, they thought you were saying, “lsn’t it a pity?” when what you were really doing was giving them the name of the men who attacked you, the Pittie brothers. The Pittie brothers are well-known scoundrels, besides being dirty gamblers. They were fined for gambling some short time ago.’
‘Huh! Huh!’ A smile was spreading over his face, widening his mouth. He now put his head back on his shoulder and laughed until his body shook, and she laughed with him.
His chest was heaving and he was still laughing when he looked into her face again and said, ‘I’ve thought it, but now I’ll say it, you’re a remarkable woman.’
‘Oh, please don’t judge my intelligence on the fact that I recognized something that should have been staring everyone in the face, the police into the bargain. Yet at the same time I don’t think the police were as stupid as they made out to be, but when they asked you had you seen the assailant or assailants, I was given to understand you said no, you had been attacked while walking down a side street.’
He screwed up his eyes at her now and, his face serious, he asked, ‘But . . . but how could you know that I gambled?’
She stared at him for a long moment before saying, and seriously now, ‘A short while ago you said you’d always tell me the truth. I understood, of course, that you were referring to the future, but now I’m going to ask you: Is there anything further you want to tell me, anything, about your past say?’
For a moment he wondered if she were referring to his birth. He stared into her eyes, then gulped in his throat as he thought, She can’t know about the other business, else I wouldn’t be here now.
‘Think hard before you answer.’
He felt the colour flooding his face again. They were staring into each other’s eyes. His body was sweating; it was as if he were having a nightmare in broad daylight. His voice was a gruff whisper when he said, ‘Well, knowin’ what you know, or think you know, why am I sitting here now?’
Her voice was equally low as she replied, ‘I’ll answer that in a moment when you answer my question.’
His gaze riveted on her, he pondered. If she didn’t know, if she wasn’t referring to John George’s business then what he was about to say would likely put the kibosh on her proposal. But if it was that she was hinting at, then indeed, aye, by God! indeed she was a remarkable woman.
He closed his eyes for a moment, lowered his head, and turned it to the side before he muttered, as if he were in the confessional box: ‘I took the five pounds that John George did time for. I went back that night and helped meself, but like him I expected to be there first thing on the Monday morning to return it. If . . . if I had been there and you had caught me I would have stood me rap along of him, but by the time I knew what had happened I was sick and weak, and petrified at the thought of prison.’ His head still to the side, he jerked his neck out of his collar before going on, ‘I . . . . I have a fear on me, always have had since I was nailed down in a box as a child. I fear being shut in, I can’t stand being behind closed doors of any kind. I . . . I should have come forward, I know, but there it is, I didn’t . . . Is that what you want to know?’
There was a long pause and when she made no reply he looked at her again and said ‘You knew this all along?’
‘No, not from the beginning,’ she shook her head slowly. ‘But in the court I felt the man was speaking the truth and I recalled his amazement when I mentioned that not ten shillings but five pounds ten was missing. He was so astonished he couldn’t speak. But in any case, five pounds ten or ten shillings he had to be brought to book,
