The Gambling Man

In the drawing-room, Charlotte sat on the couch, her hands gripped tightly in front of her, and stared at the fire, and when the door opened and Lizzie came from the kitchen carrying a tray of tea and a plate of bread and butter she did not show any surprise.

The time that had passed since nine o’clock last night was filled with so many strange incidents that it seemed to have covered a lifetime, and that this woman should go into her kitchen and make tea seemed a natural thing to do; it was as if she had always done it.

It seemed to Charlotte from the moment she had knelt beside Rory last night that she had lived and died again and again, for each time she thought Rory had drawn his last breath she had gone with him. That he would soon take his final breath one part of her mind accepted, but the other fought hysterically against it, yelling at it, screaming at it: No, no! Fight for him, will him to remain alive. You can’t let him go. Tell him that he must not go, he must not leave you; talk to his spirit, get below his mind, grasp his will, infuse your strength into him. He can’t. He can’t. He must not die . . .

‘Here, drink that up and eat this bit of bread.’

‘No, thank you. I . . . I couldn’t eat.’

‘You’ve got to eat something. If nothin’ else you need to keep the wind off your stomach when you’re carryin’ or you’ll know about it.’

‘I’m sorry, I couldn’t eat. But you . . . please, please help yourself.’

‘Me? Aw, I’ve no need to eat.’ Lizzie sighed as she sat down on the edge of a chair. There followed a few moments of silence before Charlotte, wide-eyed, turned to her and said, ‘What do you think?’

‘Well, lass, where there’s life there’s hope they say. As long as he’s breathin’ he’s got a chance, but if you want my opinion, it’s a slim one. He was always a gamblin’ man, but he’s on a long shot now.’ She put her cup down on a side table and her tightly pressed lips trembled.

Again there was silence until Lizzie said quietly, ‘It’s not me intention to trouble you at this time, for God knows you’ve got enough on your plate, but . . . but I think there’s somethin’ you should know ’cos there’s only you can do anything about it . . . Janie. She’s been outside all night sittin’ in the stables, your coachman says. He doesn’t know who she is of course. He told one of your lasses that there was a strange woman there and she wouldn’t go, she was one of his relatives he thought.’

Lizzie now watched Charlotte rise to her feet and, her hands clasped tightly in front of her, go towards the fire and stand looking down into it, and she said to her, ‘When she walked into the kitchen last night I was for droppin’ down dead meself.’

Charlotte’s head was moving in small jerks. The woman, the girl, his wife . . . his one-time wife in her stables? She had a vague memory of seeing a black huddled figure kneeling at Rory’s side in the yard, then again when they had lifted him on to the cart, and for a moment she had glimpsed it again in the shadows of the drive. What must she do? Would Rory want to see her? He had once loved her . . . She couldn’t bear that thought; he was hers, wholly hers. The happiness she had experienced with him in the months past was so deep, so strong, that the essence of it covered all time back to her beginning and would spread over the years to her end, and beyond. And he loved her, he had said it. He had put it into words, not lightly like some unfledged puppy as he had been when he married his childhood playmate, but as a man who didn’t admit his feelings lightly. So what place had that girl in their lives? What was more, he had told her he wanted none of her . . .

‘If he had been taken to the hospital she would have seen him, she would have claimed the right.’

Charlotte swung round. Her face dark now, she glared at the fat woman, and for a moment she forgot that she knew her as Rory’s aunt. She was just a fat woman, a common fat woman, ignorant. What did she know about rights?

‘Don’t frash yourself, ’cos you know as well as I do the law would say she had a right. They would take no heed that his feelings had changed.’ She nodded now at Charlotte. ‘Oh, aye, Janie told me he wouldn’t go back to her, he had told her so to her face, and that must have been hard to stomach. So havin’ the satisfaction that he wanted you, and seemingly not just for what you could give him, it should be in your heart, and it wouldn’t do you any harm, to let her have a glimpse of him.’

‘I can’t.’

Lizzie now got to her feet and heaved a sigh before she said, ‘Well, if you can’t, you can’t, but I’d like to remind you of one thing, or point it out, so to speak. As I see it, you should be holding nothing against her. You’ve got nothin’ to forgive her for except for being alive She’s done nothin’ willingly to you. The boot’s on the other foot. Oh aye—’ she dropped her chin on to her chest—‘it was all done in good faith, legal you might say, but nevertheless it was done. How would you feel this minute if you were in her place? Would you be sitting all night in the stables hoping to catch a glimpse of him afore he went?’

Charlotte sat slowly down on the couch again and, bending her long body forward, she gripped her hands between her knees.

It was some time, almost five minutes later when she whispered, ‘Take her up. But . . . but I mustn’t see her; I . . . I will stay here for half an hour. That is, if . . . if he doesn’t need me.’

She was somewhat surprised when she received no answer. Turning her head to the side, she saw Lizzie walking slowly down the room. She was a strange woman, forthright, domineering, and she had no respect for class . . . of any kind. Yet there was something about her, a comfort.

She lay back on the couch and strained her ears now to the sounds coming from the hall. She heard nothing for some minutes, then the front door being closed and the soft padding of footsteps across the hall towards the stairs brought her upright. She was going up the stairs, that girl, his wife, she was going up to their bedroom, to hers and Rory’s bedroom. And she would be thinking she was going to see her husband. No! No, not her husband, never any more. Hadn’t he told her she could do what she liked but he’d never return to her?

She’d be by his bedside now looking at him, remembering their love, those first days in the boathouse.

‘My wife won’t be there, miss, but you’re welcome.’ She was back sitting behind the desk again looking at him as he told her he was married.

She almost sprang to her feet now. She couldn’t bear it, she couldn’t bear that girl being up there alone with him. She must show herself. She must let her see that she was the one he had chosen to stay with, not someone who was seven years her junior, or young and beautiful, but her, as she was . . . herself.

She was out of the drawing-room and running up the stairs, and she almost burst into the bedroom, then came to a dead stop and stared at the three women standing round the bed, his mother, his aunt and the person in the black cloak who wasn’t a beautiful young girl but a strange-looking creature with dark skin and white frizzy hair; she was young admittedly, but she could see no beauty in her, no appeal.

She walked slowly up to that side of the bed by which Ruth stood and she stared across into the eyes of the girl called Janie. The eyes looked sad, weary, yet at the same time defiant.

A movement of Rory’s head brought their atten­tion from each other and on to him. He was awake and looking at them.

If there had been any doubt in Rory’s mind that he was near his end it was now dispelled. Janie and Charlotte together. Through the fire in his body was now threaded a great feeling of sadness. He wanted to cry at the fact that this was one game he was going to lose. The cards were all face up, and his showed all black . . . dead black. But still he had played his hand, hadn’t he? The game had been short but it hadn’t been without excitement. No, no, it hadn’t. But now it was over . . . almost. He wished the end would get a move on because he couldn’t stand this pain much longer without screaming out his agony. Why didn’t they give him something, a good dose, that laudanum . . . laudanum . . . laudanum . . .

He was looking into Janie’s eyes now. They were as he remembered them in those far-off days before they were married when she was happy, because she had never really been happy after, had she? It was funny, but in a way Janie hadn’t been made for marriage. She looked it, she had the body for it, but she hadn’t been made for marriage, whereas Charlotte. Ah! Charlotte.

Charlotte’s face was close above his. He was look­ing up into her eyes. Charlotte. Charlotte was remarkable. Charlotte could forgive sins. She was like all the priests rolled into one. There’d been a priest here last night, hadn’t there? He couldn’t really remember. Well, if there had been he knew who would have brought him . . . A dose . . . Why didn’t they give him something?

‘Darling.’

It was nice to be called darling . . . Oh God! the pain. Why the hell didn’t they give him something? . . . Janie