seem to think I'm suffering from long-ago pain dished out freely by my parents. I am not. About my parents-I only said what I did because you seemed to need to know, and, indeed, your father demanded to know. It really wasn't his right to know.'
'Yes, it was. He is my father. It is his responsibility to protect me.'
'Your father wanted to refuse me your hand in marriage.'
'Of course he did. He believed you were a lecher. But it was William. I believe my father was very relieved when he learned the truth of the matter. He wants me to be happy, you see.'
Thomas said nothing. He looked as if he wasn't certain what he should do now, as if he was nervous, undecided about something, and Meggie found it utterly appealing. She skipped to him, wrapped her arms around his back, and pressed her cheek to his shoulder. 'Kiss me, Thomas. That is something I like very much.'
She raised her face, came up on her tiptoes, but for a moment, he hesitated, touched his fingertips to her cheek, so soft her skin, flushed now in excitement.
It was, after all, her wedding night.
She'd never done anything to harm him, he was thinking, and she was his wife. Slowly he brought his arms around her, holding her tightly against him. He didn't kiss her, just held her. Actually, it was he who was holding on to her. She was half his size and he was burrowing onto her.
He lifted his head to look down at her. 'You're a virgin, Meggie.'
She lifted her face and gave him a very small smile, a nervous smile, and he knew it. 'Well, yes. I'm supposed to be.'
In an austere voice he said, 'Many women are not pure when they come to their husbands.'
'I had never thought of it. Are you certain? No, that's all right. No one else has anything to do with us. Ah, Thomas, kiss me now.'
He was rubbing his hands up and down her arms. 'Do you like your cloak?'
'It's lovely. Do you like the onyx pen I gave you?'
'Yes.'
'Mary Rose believed it to be very masculine.'
'It is.'
'It is solid, like a man is supposed to be.'
'Yes.'
'Thomas, are you uncertain what to do? No, it's all right, truly, you don't have to say anything. I rather like that the two of us can begin everything together. I'm sure that we will be able to figure this business out.'
'You think I'm hesitating because I'm lacking in experience? That I just might also be a virgin?'
'It's all right, Thomas.' She grabbed his face between her hands and kissed him, a girl's kiss that made him laugh. Another damned laugh, and he'd even come to like the feel of it, alive and snaking warmth all the way to his gut, and that was alien to him.
'I'll admit it, I'm nervous, yes, just a bit nervous,' she said between light nipping kisses, 'but we are married now, and you belong to me, and I wish to see what all these marital things are about. Oh goodness, does that sound terribly loose?'
'A man doesn't belong to a woman,' he said slowly, his voice suddenly remote, all laughter dried up. 'A man is his own being.'
For an instant, Meggie was blank-brained. Whatever had happened? Had a woman hurt him badly in the past? He wasn't old enough to have been hurt all that often, surely. 'Thomas, how old are you, exactly?'
'I am twenty-five. I will be twenty-six in December. I was born the day after Christmas. I don't think my mother ever forgave me for ruining her Christmas.'
He was making light of it. Well, no matter. If a woman had hurt him, had made him cynical, someday he would tell her and she would fix it. She kissed him again, this time a line of kisses all along his jaw. She said, all the feeling that was in her vibrant in her voice, 'I will make you want to belong to me.'
And she kissed him again.
This time he kissed her back, hard, telling her to open her mouth, and she did and she felt his tongue sliding over her bottom lip, then inside. It was different, this kiss, urgent, on the wild side. He raised his head just a moment, and said, his hand suddenly cupping her breast, 'Meggie, I'm not a virgin.'
Chapter 14
OVERWHELMED BY that kiss, that surprise attack that had ambushed her and made her want more, exactly of what she wasn't certain, but she was eager to find out, managed to get herself together since this was obviously the way things were done, and said, 'It's all right that you're not a virgin. I am not blind, Thomas. I believe that boys are somehow supposed to become experienced, that it is expected, that they aren't viewed by other men as being manly unless they do this, perhaps quite frequently.
'I have also seen how boys do not seem to be able to control themselves when it comes to the fairer sex. They step near a girl and begin to stutter, their hands shake, and they say the stupidest things. Just look at what William did.'
'Men can control themselves. It is a matter of will, and a matter of character.'
'I know that you would never take advantage of a female, for yours is an excellent character. Are you also strong-willed when it comes to matters of the flesh, Thomas?'
'Yes, but that doesn't matter. I must consummate our marriage or it isn't really a marriage.'
'A good idea.' She saw him looking at her so sternly, as if he weren't certain about something, and just couldn't help herself. She kissed him again, his shirt fisted in her hands, and she was pulling him down toward her, kissing whatever part of him she could reach.
He said against her mouth, 'I will take your virginity, make you bleed, and only then will you be safely wedded, not before. Then there is no going back, Meggie. You're mine.'
That brought her kisses to a stop and a frown to her forehead. 'I don't know why you are worried about this, Thomas. I don't want to go back. Wait, I don't like the sound of this bleeding business. What bleeding business? What does that mean?'
'Oh God, Meggie, I wish you had asked your mother to explain this to you. Don't you know anything at all?'
'I now know all about tongues, although it's still a bit difficult for me to speak in them just yet.'
'Well, not in any sort of elaborate detail, no.'
'How about in a vague general sort of way?'
'I believe you must take your clothes off. I was swimming once when I was very young with my dratted boy cousins, and they took off their clothes. They were certainly different from me, but I don't know how it all would work to make a baby.'
'I did ask, didn't I?'
'Are you jesting with me, Thomas? Perhaps laughing at me?'
He seemed to think about this for a goodly number of seconds. He said more to himself than to her, 'No, I wouldn't jest about this, not at all. Now, it must be done, it must.' It was almost as if he was angry with her, Meggie thought, suddenly panicked. He said nothing more, didn't kiss her, just picked her up in his arms and walked to the large tester bed. 'I'll be your maid,' he said, sat her down on the edge of the bed, realized the buttons on her dress were in the back and pulled her to her feet again. Thomas saw that she was pale, his exuberant Meggie looking a bit on the ragged edge, particularly since they were this close to the bed and his hands on her. He kissed her hard and fast, didn't try to part her lips with his tongue because he thought she just might bite him in her nervousness, then turned her around. He unfastened the long line of buttons down her back.
She was looking over her shoulder at him. 'Thomas, perhaps I could have a glass of water?'
'No, Meggie. Hush. Don't worry about any of this. Let me do the worrying. It will be all right. Trust me.'
'You certainly are very efficient with all those buttons.'
