Archie Speyne had a curious habit of repeating phrases when he was excited. It was one of many curious habits, several of which were gossiped about in the bars of Oxford Street and Potts Points and none of which, other than the repetition of phrases, would be on show this evening. There was a touch of desperation in the air around Archie. He’d made promises he couldn’t keep and his whole career, his carefully manicured reputation as the darling of the art world, threatened to erupt over him in a flood of molten lava. He could end up like one of those frozen bodies in Pompeii, trapped in a river of disaster and found centuries later, fossilised, featuring on a little stand on the desk of some future director of this very museum. On the other hand, there were some things in Pompeii he wouldn’t mind being trapped with… Archie recovered to renew his assault on Mac, who had wandered out of the half-finished extension to where the drinks were being served. It wasn’t fair, not fair at all. When Archie had made the commitment for the works, when he’d assured the trustees he had the money, the money was there. Rudolph Steinmann had promised it, shaken hands on it, delighted to see THE STEINMANN GALLERY on the wall. It was only when the contract had been drawn up for the gift that things had come unstuck.
‘What is this, Mr Speyne? Twenty-five years? For twenty-five years you put my name on the gallery, then somebody else’s name? Is that what you say? You rub my family name away like so much chalk on a blackboard?’
Archie had grovelled and knelt and bent every which way, explained it was the policy of the museum never to grant naming rights in perpetuity, a policy of the trustees, not his policy, but the crotchety old bastard wouldn’t budge.
‘No. You want two million dollars of my money. I want immortality. That’s a bit longer than twenty-five years. You can’t deliver, someone else will.’
And they had, and the money was in their bank account, and the Steinmann name was on their wall. And Archie was up shit creek without a paddle. He hated crude expressions like that, but he was. So there. He hurried after Mac into the main gallery where one long table for twenty-five guests glittered with glass and silver and tiny candles placed next to tiny vases, each holding a single chrysanthemum placed precisely by Archie’s own hand. Attention to detail was everything, especially when you were asking people for money.
By the time the guests were seated, Archie had regained his composure, if he could be said to possess composure, and was ready to perform his much-loved party trick of introducing everyone at the table with a brief, flattering but amusing pastiche of their social significance.
‘Friends-because that’s what we all are, friends of this marvellous museum, friends of art, friends of our beautiful city and just wonderful friends, because we like you all, we don’t invite anyone to special functions like this that we don’t enjoy-we are gathered here for a very special purpose that I and Arnold Shaw from London will speak about a little later. But I feel I must pique your interest even at this early hour with a name.’ He paused and looked archly around as if an indiscretion of some bizarre nature was about to be revealed. ‘Matisse.’ Another coy pause was made available for the intaking of breath, which did not in fact come. ‘Yes, a name to conjure with. The painters’ painter. We’ve all seen the great works in the Centre Pompidou or the Tate. Can we ever expect to see one in our wonderful extension next door?’
An inappropriate thought-’not unless we can get a roof on’-passed fleetingly through Archie’s consciousness before he ploughed on. ‘We must enable our fellow citizens to view works like this, uplifting works, whenever they wish. And particularly those less fortunate persons in our community who cannot travel to Paris or London.’
There was general murmuring of approval at this. The concept of cold or hunger was difficult to grasp, but the inability to travel to Paris or London was real and terrible to contemplate.
‘We want these pictures of beauty and wonder on our own walls.’ He cast his hands around the walls in a circular motion. ‘Although there is one among us who already has that privilege, as I shall mention in a moment.’
There was a general exchange of inquiring looks at this remark. The burly figure at the head of the table stared mournfully down at the pink cloth and wondered how on earth he could extract himself from this torture. Bonny was spending the week at some sort of retreat to ‘find herself ‘ or something. God knows why. She was easy enough to find. He’d been on his own in the Kimberley for a while and he wanted company. He supposed he could have had dinner with Edith, which would have been novel, but she was always asking him how things were. ‘How are things, Mac?’ she would say in that earnest voice, as if the end of the world was nigh. Even when it wasn’t. Not that it was now. Anyway, maybe he should have had dinner with Edith.
At least he would’ve escaped this lot.
He felt a hand on his lap and turned in surprise to the woman next to him. He’d never met her before and peered at her place card, trying to make out her name in the gloom.
‘It’s Popsie, darling, just Popsie. Such a pleasure to be with the famous Mac Biddulph again. Unbelievable our paths have crossed so seldom.’
In truth their paths wouldn’t have crossed this starry evening had Popsie not carefully examined the table while drinks were being served and surreptitiously moved her name card from near the kitchen entrance to its present cosy and prominent position next to Mac.
She pouted at him in an unusual pursing of the lips that seemed to presage the application of lip gloss, but was merely the prelude to a whisper. ‘I hear you’re about to become a benefactor of this wonderful museum. What a marvellous man you are. How lucky we are to have people like you.’
She patted his arm in a gesture that Mac found offensive. He turned away from her to listen briefly to Archie’s round of introductions-anything was better than this posturing pantomime beside him.
‘And now our dear friend Vera North who, with her dear late husband Alec, has helped the museum in so many ways and continues to do so. Where would the arts be in this great city without people of taste and sensibility like Vera? We can’t rely on governments, can we?’ As Archie’s eyes swept around the table for confirmation, they suddenly lighted on the Premier’s chief of staff. ‘Alone. We cannot and must not rely on governments alone. Because they have other important responsibilities, like hospitals and roads and other things.’ Archie sensed he was drifting slightly from his planned course. ‘And we’re incredibly grateful to this government for more than twenty million dollars in recurrent funding. But we must also help ourselves. From our positions of privilege, we must contribute where we can.’
Mac wondered exactly what privileged position Archie Speyne was referring to in his own case, unless it was the close proximity to the twenty million that allowed him to travel the world in modest style in the interests of art. But his mind was more occupied with how he could escape before Archie sprayed him with his own dose of flattery and cologne, and before the strange creature next to him devoured him with her extraordinary expanding mouth. All eyes were now on Archie as he was introducing, with urbane wit he felt, the chairman of a large concrete company who was fond of saying, ‘Half this country is covered in our product and the other half in red dust.’ Gently, unobtrusively, Mac eased his chair back and made his way to the rear exit of the gallery. Only a few noticed him leave as all waited their turn for attention. His rubber-soled shoes made no sound on the terrazzo floor. He always wore rubber, no point in slipping, and God was he glad of it now.
The cold night air was a blessed relief after the claustrophobic atmosphere of those cloying remarks and clinging people. Christ. He’d give anything to be out on the Honey Bear whacking golf balls into the river. Come to think of it, he wouldn’t mind having Archie Speyne’s head printed on them. He waved to his driver to wait for him and set off at a brisk pace towards Mrs Macquarie’s Chair. He’d have loved to see Archie’s face when his circus act finally reached Mac’s empty chair.
A disturbing thought flitted across his vision like a bat through the night sky. There were a lot of well-placed people at that table, apart from poseurs like Popsie whatever her name was, including the heads of three major banks. They wouldn’t think he’d slipped away to dodge making a donation, would they? That wouldn’t look so good. After all, he had accepted the damn invitation-if you’re not going to give, don’t go. And the only way to defend was to attack. He turned and hurried back to the museum, fumbling to find the cell phone in his pocket as he tapped Archie on the shoulder and drew him into a corner with the words, ‘Sorry, had to make an urgent call, but I’ve some news for you.’ He thought the poor little bastard would piss his pants when he told him, and watched with contempt as Archie almost ran to the table to tap his wineglass.
‘Friends, dear friends, I have the most exciting news. What a wonderful evening, made so special by one of those people who contribute so much to society in so many ways. Our godfather here, Mac Biddulph, has just allowed me to reveal the name of the exceptional space behind you that will, on completion, house so many of our treasures and hopefully, with your generous assistance, our new Matisse. I am proud to announce, following a wonderfully generous gift of two million dollars, that this new space will be named the Biddulph Gallery.’
