into the room. The paper mask muffled his voice. “Package for Agent Lattimer.” A puzzled expression furrowed her brow. She eyed the box curiously. It was postmarked South Dakota. Funny, she thought. Artie didn’t say anything about a package. “That’s for me,” Pete called from the bed. A coughing jag momentarily delayed his explanation. “Something I ordered from the Warehouse. Just in case.” WAREHOUSE 13 “Claudia?” Artie stuck his head out the back door of his office. He peered impatiently at his watch.
What on earth was taking so long? She should have taken care of that alert and gotten back to the office at least half an hour ago. Myka and Pete were already en route to Central Park. Now was no time for Claudia to go wandering off. Didn’t she realize how serious the situation was? Exasperated, he shut the door and retrieved his Farnsworth from his desk. Had she remembered to take hers as instructed? A quick rummage around her work area didn’t turn it up, but that was less than conclusive. Their efforts to track down Clara Barton’s gloves and their current owners had left the office even more littered with notes and documents than usual. Claudia’s Farns-worth- the original, he reminded himself-could well be buried beneath the clutter. And the girl herself could hardly be counted on to follow his directions, no matter how sensible they were. “She never listens to me,” he muttered irritably. He switched on his own Farnsworth and tuned it to her frequency. The screen remained blank, and after about a dozen buzzes he gave up. If she did have Philo’s prototype on her person, she wasn’t answering. Who knew why. He had no idea what went through her head sometimes. All right, then. There was always the PA system. He didn’t often resort to it, but it had been installed for a reason. In theory, she should be within earshot of one of the mounted loudspeakers, which were mostly used for recorded announcements in the event of emergencies. Like a possible meltdown, for instance. An open Yellow Book was lying on top of the intercom. He nudged it aside and leaned over the mike. His index finger jabbed the SPEAK button. “Paging Claudia Donovan.” His impatient voice boomed throughout the Warehouse. “Please check in immediately-if you’re not too busy, that is!” Staying up all night, searching for leads, had left him cranky and irritable. Yawning, he wished he had time for a quick nap. Was that what had happened to Claudia? Had she dozed off somewhere? He frowned. She had better not be catching forty winks in the Procrustean Bed… “Claudia?” He turned up the volume on the PA system. “Yoo-hoo, Claudia? This is your boss speaking!” There was no response, by Farnsworth, phone, or any other means. “Oh, for heaven’s sakes,” he grumbled. “Of all times for her to pull a vanishing act…” Apparently there was nothing to be done but to go looking for her, as if he didn’t have better things to do. He slogged over to her computer and checked on the alert himself. To his dismay, multiple red icons flashed upon the screen, which meant that the motion detectors were going crazy all over Sector Delta 373. Claudia had placed the security program on mute, probably to keep it from bothering him in her absence, but when he restarted it, a chorus of agitated beeps assaulted his ears. The Warehouse was unhappy. Maybe this was more serious than he thought? A worried look displaced his irritated scowl. Claudia could be surprisingly resourceful for her age, but what if she had run into something she couldn’t handle? The Warehouse was not without hazards, as he knew better than anyone else.
Or at least, anyone still in one piece. Silencing the alarms once more, he rushed out onto the gallery. At first glance, there didn’t appear to be any commotion on the main floor of the Warehouse, but who knew what might be transpiring in its innumerable nooks and crannies.
He noticed at once that the zip line had been deployed, presumably by Claudia on her way out to investigate the disturbance. He briefly considered retracting the pulley and using it himself, but decided against it. It had been a long night and he didn’t feel like emulating Tarzan on zero sleep. Which reminds me, he thought, I need to follow up on Johnny Weissmuller’s original loincloth when this is all over.
Rumor was, it was going to auction soon. Choosing an alternative means of transportation, he scurried down several flights of stairs to where a one-of-a-kind vehicle was parked. Thomas Edison’s electric automobile resembled an antique luggage cart with seating for four. A pair of padded benches rested atop a stripped-down, rudimentary chassis minus any sort of exterior body. Brass handrails faced the seats. One of the original architects of the current Warehouse, Edison had built the prototype for Henry Ford but had donated it to the Warehouse after Ford decided to stick with the internal combustion engine. Not for the first time, Artie regretted Ford’s lack of foresight. The polar ice caps would be in much better shape today if the auto tycoon had only listened to the Wizard of Menlo Park. Artie climbed into the backseat behind the steering wheel. Ideally, the old-time flivver could be powered by the bioelectric energy of at least two passengers, whose vital spark was channeled into the auto’s transmission by gripping the front handrail. One person alone, however, did not provide enough juice to get the wheels turning. For solo excursions, a regular car battery was required. Conveniently, one was already hooked up. Yellow hard hats hung on pegs near the auto.
Artie put one on for safety’s sake. Considering its age, the electric cart warmed up with admirable ease. He steered it in the direction indicated by the alerts. He had barely needed to consult the map before. After forty years, he knew the basic layout of the Warehouse like the back of his hand, although, like his hand, the Warehouse kept developing new and unexpected wrinkles. Driving at top speed-which, alas, was only about fifty miles an hour-he headed across the Warehouse. As he did so, he instinctively scanned the shelves to see if anything was awry. He was relieved to see that the Red Velvet Swing was not swinging at the moment, and that Keats’s Grecian urn was right where it belonged, ensuring the safety of grandmothers everywhere.
Sealed crates and banker’s boxes appeared undisturbed. A pencil sharpener, an iron trivet, and a souvenir ashtray were reassuringly inert, as was a rocking chair that had once belonged to Whistler’s mother. The Oaxaca Pinata remained unbroken. The final square on a turn-of-the-century, Currier amp; Ives Advent calender had not been opened. Thank heavens! He started to relax, easing his grip on the wheel. Maybe nothing was seriously wrong and Claudia was simply taking her own sweet time. He had thought she appreciated the urgency of the situation, but not everyone could be as focused as he had to be. Even Pete and Myka were relatively inexperienced by his standards. “Kids these days,” he muttered. “If you want something done right…” He neared the sector in question. The missing apprentice was nowhere to be seen. “Claudia!” He cupped a hand around his mouth to form a megaphone. “Answer me if you can. I’m not getting any younger!” A low growl responded. It did not sound remotely like Claudia. “Oh, no,”
Artie murmured. A menagerie of dreadful possibilities stampeded through his imagination before a large ursine shape lumbered into view. The creature reared up on hind legs carved from the base of a massive log. Red eyes and jaws painted a bestial portrait. Jagged fore claws slashed the air. Artie swallowed hard. “How did you…?” He recognized the beast at once, naturally. It was the infamous Nisqually Totem Pole, or at least its bottom third. The artifact’s gruesome history came back to him. The sacred pole, enraged at the slaughter of its tribe by white prospectors, had massacred an entire frontier settlement back in 1848… But what was it doing on the loose in the Warehouse in this day and age? It was supposed to be locked up safely in its vault. Only a few rows away from here. “Of course.” He slapped his forehead. “I should have seen this coming.” Claudia’s inexplicable absence suddenly made sense, but he had only a moment to fear for her safety before self-preservation moved to the top of his agenda. The wooden grizzly dropped onto all fours and charged at him with alarming speed. A full-throated roar made clear its intentions, as if its documented body count were not unnerving enough. This was no cuddly teddy bear, like the one in the Roosevelt collection; it was pure animal fury. Time for evasive action, Artie realized. Yanking hard on the wheel, Artie spun the cart around. The narrow corridor made a U-turn difficult, and he accidentally knocked over a stack of wooden packing crates. The boxes made a huge racket as they avalanched to the floor. He hoped there was nothing particularly fragile and/or lethal inside the crates, but there was no time to check. Squealing tires laid down rubber as he peeled away from the bear, which chased after him with bloodthirsty fervor. Artie shifted the flivver into high gear, pushing the battery-powered auto to its limits. He glanced back over his shoulder to see the grizzly gaining on him. The bear was trouble enough, but he couldn’t help wondering where the rest of the totem pole-the puma and the thunderbird-were lurking. His gaze darted from side to side, then turned upward, keeping an eye out for the bear’s savage accomplices. He had to assume they were on the prowl as well. The more the merrier, he groused. Like I really have time for this! The auto reached the end of a corridor. He took a tight left turn, trying to shake the bear, but the creature had his scent now and was not about to abandon the hunt. Keeping one hand on the wheel, Artie reached beneath his jacket for his Tesla, only to discover that he had left it in his office. He mentally chastised himself for not thinking to bring it along. Was lack of sleep to blame, or had he simply had what Claudia insisted on calling a senior moment? “Hardly,” he grumbled. “It just slipped my mind.” Regardless, he was going to have to improvise. He mentally mapped out the area in his head. The canned food aisle was right around the corner and he accelerated through it, hoping that perhaps the various preternatural delicacies on display might distract the hungry grizzly… and maybe even give it a serious bellyache. The assorted tin cans, bottled preserves, and freeze-dried treats lined up on the shelves looked deceptively harmless and maybe even tempting, but most of these edible artifacts were more than enough to make the carved bear wish that it had
