with duct tape where the glass had cracked. Weeds bloomed in the chipped stone urns which sat on either side of the door. Our family motto,
“I’m glad Mom can’t see this,” I said, when he didn’t answer.
He turned off the engine and punched the button to unlock the doors, a bit savagely, I thought. “Knock it off, Lucie. You’ve got no right to say anything. You left, remember?”
He got out of the car, hoisted my suitcase out of the trunk and headed for the front door without waiting for me. By the time I got inside, he had already vanished up the sweeping spiral staircase. The exterior state of deterioration should have tipped me off to how bad the interior would be, but inside was worse. When my mother was alive the house smelled of lavender and lemon furniture polish and fresh-cut flowers. Now it stank of stale grease, stale air, and stale urine, like an animal might have squatted on the Aubusson rug every now and then. Half the bulbs in the Waterford chandelier were either burned out or missing, so the light was as dingy as the furniture and walls. What most disoriented me though, was the silence. My mother’s antique long case clock, whose quiet ticking sound and mellow chimes were as calming and familiar as breathing was stuck at twelve-thirty. How long had it been since anyone had bothered to wind it? It was like the heart of the house had stopped beating.
I heard Eli shout from upstairs. “Hey, shake a leg down there! We haven’t got all day.” A moment later he appeared at the upstairs railing. “Oh God. I’m sorry…”
“Forget it.” I walked over to the stairs. Since the accident, I needed to climb stairs the way a small child does, always the same foot first, my good foot taking the weight for the rest of my body. I hooked my cane over my right arm and gripped the railing, pulling myself up.
“Um, can you manage?” He sounded tentative. “I mean, do you need some help or something?”
I stopped and looked up. “With what? Climbing the
“Uh…I don’t know. I mean, just checking.” He wiped his forehead with a folded white handkerchief he’d pulled from his pocket.
“Look,” I told him. “Keep treating me like some kind of cripple and I’ll deck you with my cane first chance I get.”
He pursed his lips together but it wasn’t much of a smile. “Okay, I get your message. I’ll shut up. Maybe I’ll go call the funeral home and tell them we’re going to be eighteen minutes late.”
“You do that.”
When we walked into the B. J. Hunt & Sons Funeral Home—only twelve minutes late—my palms were so sweaty my cane kept slipping in my hand. Eli took my elbow and murmured in my ear, “You look like you’re dressed to go to a hunt club ball. You’re bound to scandalize the blue-rinse crowd and knock a few pacemakers out of kilter.”
My long black dress, it’s true, was more like something to wear to a fancy dress party than to a wake. “It’s not like I had any time to shop,” I hissed. “It’s the only black dress I own.” What I didn’t say was that all my dresses are long now so my twisted left leg is hidden from view.
“I wasn’t criticizing. You don’t look too bad in that. It looks kind of…French. You know, sexy.”
“Thanks. Thanks a lot.”
He held the door for me. “There’s something else I meant to tell you.”
All of a sudden he sounded nervous.
“Now?” I said. “Right this very second? Can’t you tell me after I see everybody? It already feels like I’m facing a firing squad. At least let me get through that.”
“Well, then you’d know.”
I stopped and looked at him. “What would I know?”
“That Brandi’s pregnant.”
“Pregnant.” I stared. “She’s pregnant?”
“Umhm.”
“So I guess this isn’t recent news if I could tell by seeing her.”
He tugged on the collar of his shirt like it was constricting his breathing. “Oh, it’s pretty recent. We haven’t actually known that long ourselves.”
“How long have you known?”
“Five and a half months.”
“Five and a half months?”
“Well, we waited to make sure everything was okay before we said anything.”
Men can be so dumb when they make up excuses. At least he spared me the real reason. I can never have children. It was one of the invisible consequences of the accident. At least he’d been considerate enough to figure it might be a sensitive subject.
We walked toward the elevator and I concentrated on my feet again.
“Sorry about the timing, Luce,” he added. “I meant to tell you sooner, but sometimes things don’t work out the way we mean them to, you know?”
Something in his voice made me glance up and there was no avoiding what came next. I looked straight into the depths of the get-lost-in-me eyes of Gregory Knight, who had shown up to pay his respects to Leland, and I saw heartache coming my way like a freight train.
Chapter 4
I’d thought long and hard about what I would say if I ever saw him again. I’d even rehearsed a speech, which I used to recite to the bathroom mirror while brushing my teeth. A real drop-dead diatribe, delivered in perfect Ice Maiden tones, with a good amount of spitting for effect.
I couldn’t remember any of it. For a long moment, the only sound in the room was the too-loud ticking of a grandfather clock that stood in the corner of the dimly lit foyer.
Then Eli said coolly, “Leaving already?”
“I’ve got to get over to the station. I’m supposed to meet someone before work.” Though Greg spoke to Eli, his eyes never left mine. “It’s good to see you again, Lucie. I’m really sorry about your father. If there’s anything I can do…”
I had wondered whether there would be some kind of emotional litmus test when we met so I’d have some clue how he felt after all this time. Maybe guilt or remorse or even the apology he never offered. But there was none of that, only polite concern on a tabula rasa.
He’d moved on. I hated myself that it could still hurt. The Ice Maiden was supposed to be tough as nails. “You can get out of the way. We’re late.”
I stomped past him, banging my cane, though the effect was lost on the thick carpet muting all sound as it was meant to.
“I’m sorry,” he said, again. “You look very pretty in that dress.” I didn’t turn around. The outside door closed quietly and I heard his footsteps clattering on the staircase. Eli caught up with me and took my elbow again. “I got a chance to look at the tread marks on his back on his way out. I think he got your message.”
I yanked my arm away from him. “I doubt it. And I can manage fine on my own, thanks.”
He held the door and let me walk into the Green Room alone. Though it had been only two years, they’d all changed. Brandi, dark-haired and dark-eyed, was as lovely as ever, but now robustly and self-consciously pregnant. She came to me immediately, moving like the QE2 docking at port. She leaned over and kissed the air, missing any part of my anatomy by a good eight inches. “Lucie,” she said, “I guess Eli told you about our fabulous news. Isn’t it great?”
“Congratulations. It’s wonderful.”
“I know.” She squeezed my arm with her left hand. I glanced down at her large marquise-cut diamond engagement ring and diamond-studded wedding ring. If she flashed those rings in hard sunlight, she could probably send messages in Morse code to extraterrestrials on distant planets. They must have set my brother back plenty.
