“I’ve become passive,” he said, slamming the book shut. “I do as commanded, as expected. I disappoint him.”
“That’s easy to fix,” she said, brushing away his bangs to kiss his forehead. “Take charge. Give your opinion, whether he wants it or not. You are no fool and no weakling. Even the wisest would listen to your advice.”
“I plan on doing more than that,” Qurrah said as they stood together. “Much more.”
He returned to the camp. In her heart she wanted to follow, but she knew Qurrah needed to find the answer on his own. The life he had shared with Velixar was unknown to her. So she stayed and watched the sun rise, letting the little warmth it offered seep into her pale skin and sad black eyes.
North of the camp Velixar waited, also watching the rise of the sun. He sensed Qurrah’s approach but did not acknowledge him.
“Where is the next camp?” Qurrah asked. The man in black crossed his arms and remained quiet. “I asked where is it?”
“Several miles north. About four hundred orcs, just a pittance of the Mug tribe’s numbers. Why do you ask?”
“When we arrive I will recruit them. I know what will make them bow.”
“I have led many armies, Qurrah,” Velixar said, raising an eyebrow. “And I have had thousands of orcs swear allegiance as my puppets. Have you?”
“I have the blood of orcs in my veins,” the half-orc said. “And I will make them respect it. They will swear to you, all of them.”
“They will swear to Karak,” Velixar corrected.
“I don’t care. I don’t do this for him.”
The man in black chuckled and gestured back to the camp.
“Yes, I know. You do it for her. For Tessanna. Whether she wants it or not.”
“She does,” Qurrah insisted.
“How many will you kill to heal her mind?” Velixar continued. “You would sacrifice this entire world just for that? And what happens, Qurrah? What happens when Karak comes and rids her of the child, of the apathy, of the wild animal? Will you recognize the girl that remains? Will the lives you have ruined be justified?”
The half-orc glared at Velixar, meeting the burning red eyes without fear.
“You question what I do? You question the very acts you yourself wish me to commit?”
“It is not the end, Qurrah, it is the means that matters!” Velixar insisted. “It is what we do, every bit of it, that defines who we are. I do not want you as my disciple if your allegiance to Karak is only of convenience.”
He quieted as he turned back to the sunrise. Qurrah looked to the ground, remembering what he had told his brother when he questioned their killing of children. Take pride in everything you do, he had told him. So did he take pride in what he did now, marching alongside orcs in a campaign to release a war god into his world?
“You were so promising,” Velixar said, breaking their silence. “For a time you saw what Karak offered. Everything you have now, Karak gave you. All you desired was power and the skill to use it, and I gave you both. In my absence you lost your way. You’ve succumbed to womanly flesh, forgetting that it is a pleasure, not a purpose.”
“What is it you want from me?” Qurrah asked.
Velixar turned, and the force in his eyes sent Qurrah to one knee.
“I want you at my side, but not for her. Not to mend a mind that is beautiful in its chaos. I want you to relish, and worship, every second of what you and I are, and what we are meant to do. You once relished the thought of Neldar burning. I want you to feel that excitement once more.”
“What of my brother?” Qurrah dared asked.
“Ashhur has corrupted him. I made a choice, him or you. You were always my disciple, and he, your bodyguard. Without you I have no need of him. So I chose you.”
The half-orc stood, a sudden fear piercing his gut. He met Velixar’s gaze.
“What do you mean you made a choice?” he asked, his voice nearly shaking with kindling rage.
“I killed Harruq’s child,” he said. Each word pierced Qurrah like a burning arrow. “I sent her into the woods and told her to play. It needed to be done.”
“You?” Qurrah said, his fists shaking. “You turned my brother against me. You tore apart our lives like we were your playthings!”
“I did it with a heavy heart!” Velixar shouted back. “I had to make you see what you yourself were in danger of becoming. Harruq turned his back on Karak. I would not lose you as well.”
A terrible silence fell between them. Qurrah felt all he knew flailing in a cyclone. He remembered the pain on Tessanna’s face, and how she had shrieked against him in her sorrow.
“Do you understand now,” Velixar asked. “Aullienna died because you thought of nothing else but your lover. You felt your end justified your means, but the truth is your actions should justify themselves. I will kill thousands, but I do it for my god, without remorse, without pity. You will kill as many, but what phantom do you do it for?”
“You think me a disappointment,” Qurrah said, his soft voice gradually rising in anger and volume. “But I will show you the strength I have gained. When we reach the camp, I will make them bow and serve Karak. I will not cheapen my sacrifices, Velixar. I will not regret what I have done.”
He stormed off. The man in black watched him go, his calm facade turning into pride.
“Welcome back, Qurrah,” he whispered to the morning air.
Tessanna found him an hour later, marching north with nothing but his whip and Velixar’s journal. His breath was labored and weak, and his stride unsteady, but his eyes were wide with fury and determination.
“Why did you leave me?” she asked him as she dismounted from Seletha.
“Do you want what I have offered?” Qurrah said, whirling on her and grabbing her shoulders. “Do you truly want your mind made whole?”
“I want what you want,” she said, shying away from him.
“No!” Qurrah shouted, not caring that he spit blood as he did. “What is it that you want? Do you want me to change what you are?”
The girl bit her lip and shook her head.
“I like myself, Qurrah. I thought you liked me, too.”
The half-orc collapsed to the ground and buried his face in his hands.
“Then what is it you want,” he asked. “For what reason can I justify the massacre of thousands? I was to sacrifice this world for you, Tessanna. I still will. But I march with the murderer of my brother’s daughter. Karak has guided my life as if I am a pet, trained to fight and kill, but for what reason?”
The shyness vanished as Tessanna heard his words.
“Velixar killed Aullienna?” she asked. The half-orc nodded. She knelt down and pulled his face up so they could look eye to eye.
“Do you know what I want?” she asked. Tears filled her eyes as he shook his head. “I want to live in a world where I don’t feel my mother watching every step I make, preparing me for a fate I don’t want. I want to live where no god will meddle in our lives and kill those we love to ensure our paths.”
“How,” Qurrah asked. “I would accept that so desperately, but how?”
“Velixar offered us escape,” she said. “Thulos can send us away from Dezrel. We keep our promise, and he keeps his. That is what I want.”
“But what we do, is it wrong?”
Tessanna crossed her arms and frowned at him. “Since when do you care about right and wrong? Too many people are suffering. I don’t want us to be one of them.”
The half-orc reached out, and this time she did not shy away. He pulled her close and kissed her lips.
“Before you I wanted nothing but power,” he said.
“And you still should,” she whispered. “I like it when you’re strong. I always have. Don’t change on me now.”
For the first time since Aullienna’s death, he felt the confusion that had clouded his mind finally lift. He kissed her again, nearly shoving his tongue down her throat as he held her tight.
“I’ve almost forgotten what it means to be stronger,” he told her when their lips parted. “What it means to take a life and truly enjoy the taking. I will remember today. Come with me. The camp is not far. We’ve already
