Not My Daughter

see. I would have called you right away, only she asked me to wait. I don't know if that was out of superstition or fear.'

'Fear?'

'That you'd suggest she terminate the pregnancy.'

Quietly, he asked, 'Is she there? Can I talk with her?'

'She's sleeping.' Susan explained what had happened at school.

He swore, echoing Susan's feelings exactly. 'It's all over school, then?'

'Not yet. But soon, I'd guess.'

He let out a breath, audible over the many miles. 'How does she feel about that?'

'Upset. She wanted to wait.'

'But she isn't considering abortion.'

'No. She's keeping it. She's been firm about that.'

'What about you? You think she should?'

That was the question closest to Susan's heart, the dark one, the one she couldn't discuss with anyone else. 'Oh, Rick,' she said tiredly, 'this is where I agonize. You know what I did back then. Once she was inside me, I couldn't bear the thought of not having her, so a part of me understands where she's at now.' She paused.

'And the other part?'

'Just wants this to go away,' she confessed, feeling like the worst person in the world. 'Abortion, adoption-I don't care.'

'But you haven't said that to Lily.'

'No, and I won't. This is the ugly me speaking. How can I ask my daughter to do something I refused to do? And so what if keeping it changes our lives? We can deal. Who said there was only one way to live a good life?'

There was a longer pause this time, then a quiet 'Your dad.'

Rick always got it. 'Right. So now you're the dad. What do you say?'

'I say right's the word. She has a right to want it, you have a right to want it gone-'

'But I don't want it gone,' Susan broke in, feeling sinful, 'at least, not all the time- only when I think about what a mess this will make of her life, or when I dwell on what an absolutely, incredibly stupid thing this was for her to do. I mean, are you proud of what she's done?'

'This minute? No. In five years, I may feel differently.'

'Forget five years,' Susan cried in frustration. 'We're at a crossroads-here, today, now. If she's going to not keep this baby, this is the time to decide. What do I do?'

'You just said it. How can you ask her to do something you refused to do? She keeps it.'

As simply as that, Susan felt a tad lighter. 'What do I do about the part of me that resents that?'

'You work on it. You're a good worker.'

'Like I'm a good mother?'

'You are. A good mother does her best, even when her own dreams are shot to hell. So, Lily keeps the baby. Does she have a plan?'

'To raise the baby? Well, she says she had a good role model in me.' Her voice rose. 'Honestly, Rick, I never imagined this. She knows how hard it was for me. She knows what I gave up. I wanted everything to be perfect for her. Maybe I wanted her to be perfect.'

'No child is perfect.'

'Right, so why do I feel betrayed?'

She imagined him considering that, frowning, using a forearm to push dark hair off his face. 'That won't help her,' he said softly. He was right, of course. This would have to be Susan's mantra. 'Think of what you needed back then.'

'I do. All the time.'

There was a brief silence as the weight of the problem sank in. He might have cursed in the buzz of static that followed, but when he spoke next, there was no mistaking his words. 'Will you tell your mother?'

Tell Ellen Tate that the daughter who had disgraced her by getting pregnant at seventeen had let her own daughter do the same? More than at any time in the last week, Susan felt defeated. 'This isn't something I imagined sending in a newsy little update, though it might bring a response for once. She'll totally blame me.' She pressed the phone to her ear. She had to ask it, bluntly this time. 'Do you?'

'Try blame myself,' he said, sounding stricken. 'I haven't exactly been a hands-on dad. Besides, I've seen you in action. You're the best mother.'

'Whose seventeen-year-old daughter is now pregnant and unmarried.'

'Like her mom was at seventeen. Maybe Lily's just as stubborn as you were. I offered to marry you, and you refused.'

'A decision for which I am grateful every time I see you on TV,' Susan told the face on the screen. 'You wouldn't have had this career if you'd been saddled with a wife and child.'

He made a guttural sound. 'Days like today, I'd have preferred the wife and child. What I do can be downright depressing.'

'Same here,' she cried. 'I'm the principal of the high school, where everyone will know my teenage daughter is pregnant. How depressing is that?'

His pause was more thoughtful this time. 'Will it cause trouble for you at work?'

Susan rubbed her forehead. 'I don't know. We'll see.'

'What can I do to help?'

'Strangle the guy who did this to her?' she suggested. 'But how foolish is that? She says she seduced him. He didn't know what he was doing.'

Rick snorted. 'Oh, he did.'

'You know what I mean.'

'I used to. But this is my daughter, too. Lily has always been innocent.'

'Tell me about it,' Susan remarked, folding an arm across her middle.

The face on the screen was unchanged. 'So what was he thinking? Was he coming on to her for months? Did he just wear her down? Did he ask if she was on the pill? Did he offer to use something himself?'

Touched by the spate of questions-loving him for loving her, dark side and all-she actually laughed. 'Rick, I don't know. I wasn't there. And no, I didn't ask. If the horse is already out of the barn, what's the point?'

'So here's my next line of attack. Did she pick him for a reason? Like you picked me?'

She smiled. 'I didn't pick you. You took me by storm. There was no forethought.'

'No.' His voice was soft, poignant. 'There never is, is there?'

Lily's cell rang at nine that night. It wasn't the first message she'd received. Mary Kate and Jess had texted to rant about Abby, leaving Lily agitated. Half hoping Abby was calling so that she could rant herself, she tore open the phone. 'Yes.'

'Lily?' came a cautious male voice.

She knew it well. Its owner was a fixture in her life-never demanding, just there. Her heart raced. 'Hi.'

'Is it true?'

She didn't have to ask how he knew. Everyone at school must know. Part of her wanted to lie, to make it all go away, to take herself out of the glare. But it would only be worse when she started to show.

Lying back on the pillow, she stared at the front window and said, 'It's true.'

There was a pause. She imagined him looking puzzled, maybe scratching the top of his head. Finally, unsurely, he asked, 'Is it mine?'

The question hit her the wrong way, like he was suggesting she slept with just anyone. 'Why would it be you?' she snapped. 'You aren't the only guy around.'

'I know. But that night…'

'Once. We were together once. Nothing happens once. Do you know what the chances are of it happening once? Do you know how long some couples have to wait before they get pregnant?'

'You weren't with anyone else.'

No unsureness there. Calming a little, she asked, 'How do you know?'