Not My Daughter

'Think Lily got sick?' Rick whispered.

'She'd have called,' Susan whispered back.

'What if she couldn't, if it was something serious?' He was thinking about the baby, Susan knew.

'One of the other girls would have come to get me.'

The group sang Cyndi Lauper's 'Time After Time,' then a spectacular arrangement of Seal's 'Kiss from a Rose,' but Susan's eyes were on her phone. WHERE R U, she texted and waited nervously. When Lily didn't text back, she slipped out of the auditorium and tried phoning, but the voice that came on was the bright, recorded one saying, 'Not here, say where.' Rick was beside her, looking as worried as she was, when the phone rang.

'Lily's with me,' Mary Kate said. 'She's fine.'

'Why isn't she singing?'

'The Zaganotes asked her to resign.'

'Resign.' Susan caught Rick's eye.

'Because she's pregnant.'

'Wait. Kristen Hannigan picked her up to drive her to the concert.'

'Kristen Hannigan picked her up to tell her the news. Lily made her drop her in town, then she called me.'

'Where are you now?'

'Your house.'

'I'll be right there.'

Lily was huddled in the den, eyes red, tissues in her hand. Her bare feet were tucked under her, the black sweater and jeans replaced by purple sweats. Her hair was messed, a sign of the hasty change of clothes. When she saw Susan, her eyes welled, then grew wider when she saw Rick.

'You came all this way to see the concert?' she cried, tears spilling. 'That is so bad!'

'I came to see you,' said Rick and, leaning over, gave her a huge hug. 'The concert was just an excuse.' Drawing back, he brushed at her tears, but they continued to fall.

'How could they do this to me, Mom?' she asked. 'I worked for that spot. I earned it. I was at practice all day Sunday and no one said a word, but the whole time they must have been talking behind my back.' Angrily, she wiped her cheeks with her palms. 'I'll bet Emily Pettee started it. Her mom is a bitch.'

'Lily.'

'She is. She acts like she's our censor. She has a thing against any song whose lyrics are at all suggestive, so forget doing Amy Wine-house or even the Dixie Chicks. She's always around before concerts making sure that every little last bra strap is hidden. I know she's behind this.'

'It doesn't matter-'

'It does, Mom. I love singing.'

Susan knew that, and her heart broke. Kneeling, she took Lily's hand. 'It doesn't matter who started it,' she finished quietly. 'If the girls voted, it's done.'

'But how could they do this to me? I've worked with them since freshman year. What about 'esprit de corps'?'

'Babies change things,' Susan tried to explain as gently as she could, but Lily wasn't finished.

'I won't be showing until way after the holidays-but no, they thought this would make for a 'smoother' transition. Like they're so pure? They are not, Mom. Jennifer Corbin makes the rounds of the football team, Laura Kirk is with a different guy every month. And Emily? She had an abortion last summer, only they called it a procedure to correct a gynecological problem.'

'Procedure?' Rick asked with a snort. 'And her mom's the ring leader? Sounds like self-righteous indignation on the part of someone who's guilty as hell but doesn't want the world to know.'

'I should tell the world about Emily,' Lily declared.

'And be self-righteously indignant yourself?' Susan asked. 'I don't think so.'

'Emily did have an abortion.'

'She isn't pregnant now, and that's the issue.'

Lily pulled her hand free. 'So we're back at that-my being pregnant now and your not wanting this baby. Confess. You don't.'

'Want you pregnant now? I don't. But you are. I'm trying to accept it-just like you have to accept that the other girls don't consider pregnancy to be part of the Zaganotes' image. You have reasons for doing what you did, and if this is one of the consequences, you have to accept it.'

Lily started crying again. 'Why?'

'Because that's how it is.' Susan sighed. 'What alternative do you have, sweetheart? Yes, the girls are wrong, but if you tell them that, they'll resent it. Tell people about Emily-or Jen or Laura-and it'll be even worse. Isn't it better to preserve your own dignity?'

'Hey,' said Mary Kate from behind them.

Susan had forgotten the other girl was there and looked back to see her edging toward the door.

'Don't leave!' Lily cried. 'I need you to help me here!'

But Mary Kate kept going. 'Your mom's right. If they don't want you, you shouldn't want them. Your dad wants to visit with you now, and I don't want to hear all this. I hear it all the time at home.'

'You're a coward!'

'Actually, yes,' said the girl and disappeared in a puff of riotous hair.

Brooding, Lily folded herself into the corner of the sofa. 'Why do friends run out on you when you need them the most?'

'Mary Kate isn't running out on you,' Rick reasoned. He was sitting sideways on the sofa with an arm along its back. 'She's giving us time.' He touched her hair. 'I do want to visit with you. You wouldn't say much on the phone. I still don't know the name of the guy.'

'Why does it matter?' the girl said with just enough attitude to be mocking Susan. 'It's done.'

But Rick wasn't. 'He's the father of your baby, and that baby is for life. Who he is matters to me because I'm your dad, and I care about you. I want anyone who touches you to be a decent person-okay, I know you were the instigator, but please tell me, at least, that you had real feelings for him.'

Her eyes slipped away. 'I did.'

'Does he live here in town?'

'Yes.'

'Is he a classmate?'

She leaned back, eyes on the ceiling. 'If I were to tell, what would you do? Hit him up for money?' She turned to look at Rick. 'He hasn't got it. Neither do his parents.'

'The issue isn't money.'

'Then marriage?' She looked at Susan. 'You guys didn't marry. Why's this different?'

'Have I mentioned marriage?' Susan asked. She had stepped back, wanting to give Rick time with Lily. But the decision not to marry hadn't been his.

'You're thinking it.'

'I am not.' She would never want her daughter rushing into a marriage that might be bad. 'And your situation is different from ours. I didn't plan to get pregnant. But once I was, Rick was the first person I told.'

'And look what happened,' Lily argued. 'It caused so much trouble that his parents had to leave town.'

'That's not why my parents moved,' Rick said quietly.

'Then why?'

'Because…' He paused, frowned. 'Because it was time. My sister was already gone, and I was on my way. There was nothing to keep them around. But at least they knew the score, and that made it easier-which is where I'm heading with this, Lily. You've put your mom in a lousy position. The more she knows, the better she'll be able to deal with it. Besides-trust me-the guy would want to know.'

'Did you?'

'I did not want your mother to be pregnant. But given that she was, yes, I wanted to know. You're half mine.'

'But you didn't marry her, because Mom didn't want to get married.' Her voice rose. 'Well, maybe I wanted it.