“Scared is what you’re feeling,” says Ma, “but brave is what you’re doing.”
“Huh?”
“Scaredybrave.”
“Scave.”
Word sandwiches always make her laugh but I wasn’t being funny.
Lunch is beef soup, I just suck the crackers.
“Which bit are you worrying about right now?” asks Ma.
“The hospital. What if I don’t say the right words?”
“All you have to do is tell them your mother’s locked up and the man who brought you in did it.” “But the words—”
“What?” She waits.
“What if they don’t come out at all?”
Ma leans her mouth on her fingers. “I keep forgetting you’ve never talked to anybody but me.” I wait.
Ma lets her breath out long and noisy. “Tell you what, I have an idea. I’ll write you a note for you to keep hidden, a note that explains everything.” “Good-o.”
“You just give it to the first person — not a patient, I mean, the first person in a uniform.” “What’ll the person do with it?”
“Read it, of course.”
“TV persons can read?”
She stares at me. “They’re real people, remember, just like us.”
I still don’t believe that but I don’t say.
Ma does the note on a bit of ruled paper. It’s a story all about us and Room and
My tummy hurts, I don’t like her to have other names that I never even knowed. “Do I have other names?” “No, you’re always Jack. Oh, but — I guess you’d have my last name too.” She points at the second one.
“What for?”
“Well, to show you’re not the same as all the other Jacks in the world.”
“Which other Jacks? Like in the magic stories?”
“No, real boys,” says Ma. “There are millions of people out there, and there aren’t enough names for everyone, they have to share.” I don’t want to share my name. My tummy hurts harder. I don’t have a pocket so I put the note inside my underwear, it’s scratchy.
The light’s all leaking away. I wish the day stayed longer so it wouldn’t be night.
It’s 08:41 and I’m in Bed practicing. Ma’s filled a plastic bag with really hot water and tied it tight so none spills out, she puts it in another bag and ties that too. “Ouch.” I try to get away.
“Is it your eyes?” She puts it back on my face. “It’s got to be hot, or it won’t work.”
“But it hurts.”
She tries it on herself. “One more minute.”
I put up my fists between.
“You have to be as brave as Prince JackerJack,” says Ma, “or this won’t work. Maybe I should just tell Old Nick you got better?” “No.”
“I bet Jack the Giant Killer would put a hot bag on his face if he had to. Come on, just a bit longer.” “Let me.” I put the bag down on the pillow, I scrunch up my face and put it on the hotness. Sometimes I come up for a break and Ma feels my forehead or my cheeks and says, “Sizzling,” then she makes me put my face back. I’m crying a bit, not about the hot but because of Old Nick coming, if he’s coming tonight, I don’t want him to, I think I’m going to be sick for actual. I’m always listening for the
I run to Toilet and do more poo and Ma stirs it up. I want to flush but she says no, Room has to stink like I’ve had diarrhea all day.
When I get back into Bed she kisses the back of my neck and says, “You’re doing great, crying is a big help.” “Why’s—?”
“Because it makes you look sicker. Let’s do something about your hair. . I should have thought of that before.” She puts some dish soap on her hands and rubs it hard all on my head. “That looks good and greasy. Oh but it smells too nice, you need to smell worse.” She runs over to look at Watch again. “We’re running out of time,” she says, all shaky. “I’m an idiot, you have to smell bad, you really — Hang on.”
She leans over Bed, she makes a weird cough and puts her hand in her mouth. She keeps making the weird sound. Then stuff falls out of her mouth like spit but much thicker. I can see the fish sticks we had for dinner.
She’s rubbing it on the pillow, on my hair. “Stop,” I shriek, I’m trying to wriggle away.
“Sorry, I have to.” Ma’s eyes are weird and shiny. She’s wiping her vomit on my T-shirt, even my mouth. It smells the worst ever, all sharp and poisonous. “Put your face on the hot bag again.”
“But—”
“Do it, Jack, hurry.”
“I want to stop now.”
“We’re not playing, we can’t stop. Do it.”
I’m crying because the stink and my face in the hot bag so I think it’s going to melt off. “You’re mean.” “I’ve got a good reason,” says Ma.
Ma grabs the bag of water away, it’s ripping off my face. “Shh.” She presses my eyes shut, pushes my face down into the awful pillow, she pulls Duvet right up over my back.
The colder air comes in with him. Ma calls out right away, “There you are.”
“Keep your voice down.” Old Nick says it quietly like a growl.
“I just—”
“Shh.” Another
“It reeks in here.”
“That’s because he’s had it coming out both ends.”
“Probably just a twenty-four-hour bug,” says Old Nick.
“It’s been more like thirty hours already. He’s got chills, he’s burning up—”
“Give him one of those headache pills.”
“What do you think I’ve been trying all day? He just pukes them up again. He can’t even keep water down.” Old Nick puffs his breath. “Let’s have a look at him.”
“No,” says Ma.
“Come on, get out of the way—”
“No, I said no—”
I keep my face in the pillow, it’s sticky. My eyes are shut. Old Nick’s there, right by Bed, he can see me. I feel his hand on my cheek, I make a sound because I’m so scared, Ma said it would be my forehead but it isn’t, it’s my cheek he’s touching and his hand isn’t like Ma’s, it’s cold and heavy — Then it’s gone. “I’ll get him something stronger from the all-night drugstore.”
“Something stronger? He’s barely five years old, he’s totally dehydrated, with a fever of God knows what.” Ma’s shouting, she shouldn’t shout, Old Nick’s going to get mad.
“Just shut up for a second and let me think.”
“He needs to go to the ER right now, that’s what he needs and you know it.”
Old Nick makes a sound, I don’t know what it means.
Ma’s voice is like she’s crying. “If you don’t bring him in now, he’ll, he could—”
“Enough with the hysterics,” he says.
“Please. I’m begging you.”
“No way.”
I nearly say
