Jane Goes Batty

“She really isn’t very good at this, is she?” Lilith remarked.

Jane thought quickly, searching her mind for something to distract her from thinking about things she shouldn’t. She suddenly could remember not a single nursery rhyme or song, and although she searched and searched for a poem with which to occupy herself, the only lines she could recall came from Chaucer’s Canterbury Tales, which she’d learned as a child. It will have to do, she told herself, and began to recite them in her head.

Whan that Aprill, with his shoures soote
The droghte of March hath perced to the roote
And bathed every veyne in swich licour,
Of which vertu engendred is the flour

She found to her dismay that she could remember no more. She said the lines again, hoping that would jar her memory, but it did not. Worse, it made her think of her siblings, with whom she had learned the verses and performed them for their parents, eliciting much laughter with their attempts at Middle English.

Don’t think about them, she thought even as she failed in this. Her own name—her real name—was threatening to reveal itself, and this she could not allow. If Lilith discovered her identity, then surely Miriam would, and no good could come of that.

Name the monarchs. The suggestion came to her as if Cassie herself had spoken the words. It was a challenge their father had set for them, listing all the rulers of England in chronological order. Jane and Cassie had often used the game as a way to make themselves fall asleep. Now Jane used it to keep her true thoughts hidden from Lilith.

Egbert, she began, surprised at how quickly it came to her. Ethelwulf. Aethelbald. Ethelbert. Ethelred. Her memory faltered here, but after a few moments she recalled the next ruler. Alfred the Great. Edward the Elder. Athelstan. Edmund. Eadred. Eadwig. Edgar. Edward the Martyr. Another Ethelred, this one the Unready. Edmund Ironside. Canute.

“Jane!”

Byron’s voice made her start, and she looked over at him.

“What are you doing?” he asked.

“Not thinking,” said Jane.

“You’re also not listening,” Byron said. “You were just supposed to distract yourself long enough to focus on what we’re doing.”

“Oh,” Jane said. “Sorry. Um, what are we doing?”

“Asking questions,” said Byron.

“Right,” Jane said. She straightened herself in her chair and once more looked at Lilith. The little dog was now lying down, her one front leg stretched out in front of her. She was no longer growling. “What are we talking about?”

“You were trying not to think about being Jane Austen,” Lilith said. “So much for that.”

“Damn it!” Jane said, hitting the arm of her chair with a fist.

“Nothing to be done about it now,” said Byron. “Anyway, Lilith has given me some very interesting information.”

“Such as?” Jane asked. She was very annoyed at having given herself away, and only half cared about what Byron was saying.

“As I suspected, Miriam is a hunter,” he said.

“She was recruited in 1962 by a college professor,” said Lilith. “She was studying ancient history and showed particular interest in the Sumerian legends of the undead. Gradually her mentor introduced her to the truth about vampires, and eventually she trained with six others, including Lee Harvey Oswald.”

“Oswald?” Jane said. “The man who assassinated John F. Kennedy?”

“Yes,” said Lilith.

“Are you saying Kennedy was a vampire?”

“And people thought his being Catholic was a problem,” Byron remarked.

“Oswald thought he was,” Lilith said. “Miriam didn’t. Anyway, that’s not important.”

“So how did you get involved with her?” Jane asked.

“The story she told you is true,” said Lilith. “She found me in Jerusalem. Actually, she rescued me from a vampire who had decided I would make a nice dinner. That’s where my leg went.”

Jane felt instant sympathy for the little dog and reached out to pet her. Lilith snarled and jumped back. “Don’t touch me, fang face!” she said.

“I’m not going to hurt you,” Jane said.

“Right,” said Lilith. “You just like to stuff little dogs in boxes.”

“We had to talk to you,” Byron said. “Would you have come if we’d asked?”

Lilith eyed him suspiciously. “That depends,” she said. “What do you have?”

“What do you mean, what do I have?” Byron asked.

“Just because I don’t like your kind doesn’t mean I can’t be bought,” said Lilith. “I’m a mercenary. I go where the money is.”

“What about your allegiance to the Ellenberg woman?” said Byron. “You’d betray her?”

“I’ve already repaid her a dozen times,” Lilith said. “I’ve helped her find and stake vamps all over the country. I don’t owe her anything.”

“Then why stay with her?” Jane asked.

“The food’s good,” said Lilith. “And I like to travel.”

Byron chuckled. “I like this one,” he said to Jane. To Lilith he said, “What’s your price?”

Lilith blinked and licked her paw. “Like I said, what have you got?”

Byron smiled. “How about bacon?” he said.

Lilith looked up. “I’m listening,” she said.

“I imagine Miriam never gives you bacon,” said Byron. “You know, what with keeping kosher and all. Am I right?”

“You’re not wrong,” Lilith told him.

Byron nodded. “Then how about this. For every piece of solid information you give us about what Miriam and her defanged stooge are up to, we’ll give you a quarter pound of premium hickory-smoked bacon.”

Lilith licked her chops, and Jane sensed her thoughts humming busily. She’s thinking about it, Jane told herself.

“Half a pound,” Lilith said. “And you cook it for me.”

“Naturally,” said Byron. “Then we have a deal?”

“I’m still her dog,” Lilith said. “Well, as much as I’m anyone’s. So don’t think I’m on your side. You’re buying information, that’s it.”

“That’s all we want,” said Byron.

“Then we have a deal,” Lilith told him.

Byron grinned. “Excellent,” he said.

Lilith stood up and shook herself. “Now get me out of here,” she said. “Miriam’s probably freaking out.”

Jane got up and went to the carrier.

“Uh-uh,” Lilith said. “This time you carry me.”

“May I pick you up?” Jane asked.

Lilith nodded. Jane scooped the dog up and held her to her chest. Lilith turned her head and looked up. “Jane Austen,” she said as Jane walked to the door. “If Miriam knew this, she’d stake you on the spot. She hates your books.”

“What about you?” Jane asked. “Do you like them?”

Lilith cocked her head. “Don’t be ridiculous,” she said. “Who ever heard of a dog that could read?”