Jane Goes Batty

there.”

She drove quickly. Lilith, trying to sit still on the front seat, was toppled first one way and then the other. Each time she slipped she swore.

“Where did you learn such colorful language?” Jane asked her after one particularly foul outburst.

“You pick things up living on the streets,” said Lilith.

“Can Miriam understand what you’re saying?”

“No,” Lilith answered. “Only your kind can. And before you ask, no, I don’t know why. And I don’t care.”

When they neared the house Jane parked the car a block away. She and Lilith walked the rest of the way, and Jane went around to the side of the house where she could look through the windows with less chance of being seen.

They were in the living room. Byron, tied to a chair, was in the center of the room. Beverly stood behind him, her hands on his shoulder, and Miriam was in front of him. She held something in her hand.

“What is that?” Jane asked.

“What’s what?” said Lilith. “I can’t see from down here.”

Jane picked the dog up and held her to the window.

“Fang extractor,” Lilith said. “She’s going to defang him.”

Jane gasped. She set the Chihuahua down. “Why?”

Lilith snorted. “Are you stupid?” she said. “Why do you think?”

Jane looked through the window again. Byron was shaking his head from side to side as Miriam tried to get the extractor into his mouth. For the first time Jane noticed a small pool of blood on the floor by Byron’s feet. Something white lay in the red puddle. It looked like a fang.

“That’s it,” Jane told Lilith. “I’m going in.”

Lilith trotted behind Jane as she went to the back door of the house. Lifting the mat, Jane took out a key and fitted it into the lock.

“Not the best place to hide a key,” Lilith remarked as Jane opened the door.

“Hush,” said Jane as they went into a small mudroom off the kitchen.

“Just what are we going to do?” asked Lilith.

“I don’t know,” Jane admitted. “I should probably think of something.”

A loud howl came from inside the house. It was followed by a thump, as though something—or someone— had fallen over.

“Or we can just make it up as we go along,” said Jane, running into the kitchen and down the hall.

Miriam whipped around when she heard Jane’s footsteps. Jane looked at the bloody extractor in her hand, then at Byron lying on the floor. He was still tied to the chair, and was trying to inch himself away from Miriam.

“She broke one of my fangs!” he yelled.

“What is she doing here?” another voice asked.

Jane looked to her right and saw two more chairs set against the wall. Tied to one of them was one of the twins. Tied to the other was Charlotte.

“What is she doing here?” Jane said.

“All of you shut up!” Miriam bellowed. She pointed the extractor at Jane. “Tie her up,” she ordered Beverly.

Beverly came at Jane so quickly that Jane had no time to respond. She felt herself being pushed to the floor. Then her wrists were pulled together and rope was wrapped around them. She was now lying on the floor facing Byron.

“That was very well done,” Byron said.

Jane ignored him, turning her head as well as she could to see what Miriam and Beverly were going to do next. Miriam was looking at all of the captives and smiling. “I think that’s all of them,” she said to Beverly. “I hadn’t anticipated taking care of this one so soon,” she added, nodding at Jane. “But we might as well stake them all at once.”

She came over to where Jane and Byron lay on the floor and bent down. “Are there any more of your kind polluting this town?” she asked, shaking the extractor in Jane’s face.

“I’m not telling you anything,” Jane said.

Miriam laughed. “I bet you’ll talk once I start pulling those fangs of yours,” she said. “I’ll be particularly happy to pull yours. You deserve it after trying to take my son.”

“For your information, he asked me out,” Jane said.

“Only because you glamored him,” said Miriam. “He would never fall in love with a creature like you. He might think he loves you, but once you’re dead and the spell is broken he’ll come to his senses.”

“And just what are you going to tell him about where I’ve gone?” Jane asked. “Or where any of us have gone?”

“That’s easy,” Miriam replied. “You and Mr. Fancypants here ran off together. The young man decided to move on. Young people do that. As for this other one, I don’t even know who she is.”

“I’m Charlotte Brontë, you dolt!” Charlotte screeched.

Miriam laughed. “She’s Charlotte Brontë,” she said, clearly not believing what she was hearing. “And I suppose you’re Jane Austen and Mr. Fancypants is Oscar Wilde.”

“Here now!” said Byron. “I most certainly am not. Do I look like a tired old washerwoman to you?”

“I’ve had enough out of you,” said Miriam. “Beverly, bring me the stakes.”

Jane couldn’t see what was happening, but she heard Beverly walk to another part of the room. Half a minute later she came back.

“Excellent,” said Miriam. “We’ll start with the boy.”

Again Jane heard movement. Then she heard the trussed-up twin say, “Wait a minute. I’m not even a vampire! That’s my brother.”

“Ted?” Jane called out. “What are you doing here?”

“Ned paid me to take his place tonight,” said Ted. “He said he couldn’t stand one more date with Beverly.”

Beverly hissed. “He said he cared for me,” she whimpered.

“It doesn’t matter,” said Miriam. “We’ll use this one as bait to get the vamp after we finish the others off. Let’s do Miss Brontë instead.”

“You can’t kill me,” Charlotte shouted. “I’m Charlotte Brontë.”

“Well, I do love your books,” said Miriam, clearly still not believing Charlotte. “Even so, I’m afraid your time is up.”

“Jane!” Charlotte yelled. “Tell her who I am.”

“She’s Violet Grey,” Jane yelled back.

“She’s lying,” said Charlotte. “Do you know who she is? She’s Jane—”

She was cut off by the sound of Miriam’s body hitting the floor. The woman had fallen several feet in front of Jane and Byron, and Jane could see the gash where she had been struck in the head. A thin line of blood trickled from the wound.

“I’ve been wanting to do that for a long time,” Beverly said.

A moment later Jane felt herself pulled to a seated position and pushed against the wall. Byron was likewise arranged. The two of them were facing Ted and Charlotte, who were still tied to their chairs. Charlotte glared at Jane but said nothing.

Beverly walked over to Miriam’s body and pushed her with her foot. Miriam didn’t respond. Beverly then turned to the others. “I suppose you all want an explanation,” she said.

“Just untie us,” Charlotte said, straining against the ropes holding her still.

Beverly laughed, but there was no humor in her voice. “Untie you?” she said. “Why would I want to do that?”

“That’s enough, Doris,” Charlotte said. “Do as I say.”

“Doris?” said Jane. “Who’s Doris?”

“I am,” Beverly said.

“Doris!” Charlotte said. “Untie me. Now.”