My jaw dropped. 'How are you going to get a what, Pup?'
'A bodily fluid sample,' Savannah said, and all I could do was stare at her while she tripped over her words in the rush to explain. 'It's not just part of the ritual. We need them to tell if any vampire has drained you-'
'Can I spit on you? Will that do?' I said. 'Hold out your hand 'No,' she said, in all seriousness. 'We need a sample more… charged with your aura. And since I know you'd rather die than give me blood-'
'Savannah! This is the twenty-first fucking century!' I said. 'If you really need samples you can get a finger stick or some swabs from any medical supply house. Between all your bondage games and this 'Vampire Consulate' crap you've probably got one on speed dial!'
'Yeah' she said. 'Actually… yeah. It's not the usual form of the ritual but… Doug, you think he would go for that?'
'I think he almost certainly would,' Doug said. 'After all, it is your court.'
'Who would go for what?' I asked, suspicious. 'Anyway, you've had your little fun. Now take this thing off and-'
'We can't,' Savannah said. 'Darkrose has the keys.'
My eyes bugged. My fingers reached up and felt the lock: it was solidly closed.
'You have got to be shitting me,' I said. 'Take this fucking thing off!'
'We… we can't,' she said, suddenly apologetic. 'We used the same lock that she puts on Doug and me, and only she has the key 'You idiots,' I snarled. 'What if there was a fire?'
'She never chains us to anything with those,' Doug said. 'The leash is just a snap-'
'Get this fucking thing off me or I swear I will go down to Home Depot and buy a pair of metal clippers and snip the fucking thing off-'
'A little late for that,' Doug said. 'You know, the twenty-four hour Home Depot dialed their hours back, so-'
'I know lots of welders, not to mention professionals specializing in body modification,' I said. 'Somebody's got something that will get this off-'
'Dakota! Dakota!' Savannah said, holding up her hands. 'I'm so sorry. All right? Given our history, I didn't think it would bother you so much.'
'We split because you started drinking blood which you did because-wait for it-you never think!' I shouted. 'If I didn't know better, I'd swear you were a guy always thinking with his dick-'
'Hey,' Doug said.
'Shut up, Pup,' Savannah and I said in unison.
Savannah studied me in the silence that fell. 'Darkrose will be back in a couple of hours. We'll take that lock off and give you a new one with the key, but… you need the collar. I wasn't joking when I said it was the symbol of my house-if you don't have it I can't guarantee that other vampires won't bite first-'
'You have to be kidding. You have to be kidding!'
Doug shook his head. 'She's not. Even I've been harassed by vampires, and they only quit after I showed them the collar-'
'Did you have to give a 'sample'?' I asked.
Doug looked away, embarrassed. 'Yes. I don't give blood either.'
The intercom buzzed, and I jumped.
'Yes, what is it?' Savannah said.
'Lord Delancaster is here,' a man said, and I drew a breath. Delancaster was the vampire who made Savannah into Saffron. 'He says you called upon him, Lady Saffron.'
'Tell him our crosses are uncovered, so we shall join him in the vestibule.'
'As you wish, Lady Saffron.' The intercom went dead.
Wonderful. The vampire who made Saffron. I'd never met him. Sight unseen, I despised him. And didn't intend to hang around and do a polite little meet and greet now. 'Alright,' I said. 'Thank you, 'Lady Saffron,' for this damn visa, and for the lovely little show that left it locked around my neck. You go meet with your master, I'll go meet with the werewolves, and we can talk about getting this off me when I get back-'
I turned to go, but Savannah raised her hand. 'Wait, you can't leave. We're not done. Don't you want my protection?'
I let out my breath. 'At this point, no, not really. It's not like every vampire you meet is a serial killer… but… damnit, I do still worry about the pesky few. You know this gang, you tell me-do I need your protection?'
Savannah sagged in her chair. 'It's on the west side,' she said, scanning the floor as she considered. 'Yes, you do need it. I'm sorry. I'm sad to say, if you really want to be safe, you even need it in the vampire district, if people knew you were my ex-'
'Damn blood junkies,' I said.
'We're trying to do better,' she said, leaning forward, almost pleading. 'We really are. Lord Delancaster approves of our efforts. You'll like him-'
'Not likely,' I said, 'and in any case I'm not planning to stay and get chummy-'
'But you have to,' she said. 'He's the Lord of Georgia. He has to confirm my protection. You need his 'ban'. The sample is for him-that's why I summoned him.'
My jaw tightened. I counted to ten and reminded myself that if a vampire worried about where I was going, I needed protection. And this was from Savannah, who probably really did have my best interests at heart. Son of a bitch. 'Of course I have to meet him. How stupid of me not to have realized. The hits just keep on coming,' I said. 'Let's get this over with.'
'Please don't make a scene,' Savannah said. She got up and snapped for Doug to follow her. He started to crawl, and she muttered something, so he got onto his feet, which had the side effect of exposing his little cage again. Oy. The hits really did keep on coming.
Lord Reynold James Delancaster waited in the vestibule, the perfect parody of a modern vampire. His long silvery hair poured back over the soft brown cape and coat he had apparently stolen from Sherlock Holmes; one hand checked a pocketwatch, which he deposited back into the pocket of a brocaded vest; the other hand rested on the top of a jewel-headed cane.
Before she'd turned, Savannah had told me breathlessly that he'd been the model for Louis in Interview with the Vampire. Personally, I think he was just hamming it up, and it made him look like a bad copy of Lucius Malfoy.
'You called,' he said, his deep voice sounding more like Lurch from the Addams Family than the whine of everyone's favorite angstridden gothy vampire. 'I trust it was urgent.'
Delancaster lived in the Little Five Points District-not far from me in Candler Park, actually-but not as Savannah's subject; as her ruler. Officially his full title was Lord of the Vampires for Georgia, making Savannah kind of like a mayor in the world of vampire politics.
'Lord Delancaster,' Savannah said, smiling, bowing deferentially to the vampire. I wondered how smart giving her a court was: 'Saffron' was extremely powerful for a such young vampire, and history was filled with empires toppled because the heirs were eager to inherit. Vampire nepotism might make it just as hard to hold onto power.
But, watching her bowing… I remembered this was Savannah. For all of her supposed power, she was still a wet-behind-the-ears twenty-seven-year-old with a submissive streak. She was obviously treating this like some kind of grand game where she was the star player, and by letting her ham it up Delancaster had no doubt wrapped her round his finger.
Savannah was up and talking again. 'Thank you for coming on such short notice.'
'That is… quite the outfit. Going out for Halloween?' Lord Delancaster asked, kissing her hand. As he did so, he caught sight of Doug's cage and flinched. 'Oh my. Hello, Douglas. I take it you are not going out tonight.'
'Hello, RJ,' Doug responded, nodding briefly. 'Not like this, no.'
'Well, my Lady Saffron,' the Lord Delancaster said, with a forced smile. 'Your court is always a show.'
'Tell me about it,' I muttered. 'The sight of a three hundred year old vampire flinching alone was worth the price of admission.'
'Be nice,' Savannah said icily. 'I'm sorry, my Lord Delancaster. My supplicant here interrupted the Lady Darkrose and me during our play.'
Lord Delancaster looked at me.
