The carpet deadened the faintest noise of her running across the room. She listened, against the door. All she could hear was her own heartbeat, bump-bumping in her ears. She pushed the door towards its frame before pressing the handle down, actually holding her breath. The door moved, swinging soundlessly inwards. She stood at the opening, staring upwards, able to see an oval of light at the top. A black and white checkered floor, she remembered. A heavy door, heavier than the one she’d just opened so easily, leading outside. She wouldn’t be able to run, if it was blowing as hard as it had been when they’d brought her here. Didn’t matter. She could hide, once she got outside. That’s all she had to do, get outside. She went up the first two steps, then stopped. She was frightened. She knew downstairs: her room with the sliding peephole in the door and the bathroom and the strange room with a big screen and the round dance floor in the middle. Felt safe there: safe with the woman although not with this man. The man who wanted her to dance. That was silly, a man wanting her to dance. It wasn’t like dad wanting her to dance. That would have been different. All right. She’d never danced for dad, though. It looked a long way up, to the oval of light. She had to get there. Get away. Get outside. She went up two more steps. Stopped again. She wished the woman was there. Someone she felt all right with. Mom or dad. Why hadn’t they paid? The woman said they didn’t care. Didn’t want her. She hadn’t believed it at first but they hadn’t done anything to get her back. And she seemed to be the reason they had a lot of their fights. But she’d seen dad cry, on television. Heard him say he loved her and did want her. It was the woman who was kind to her now: showered and dried her. Last night they’d gone through her backpack and looked at her schoolwork and the woman had even given her a lesson, but as a game, not the proper geography for which she’d got the B. The questions had been easy but she’d really tried and the woman had been pleased with her: called her a clever girl. She’d been proud to be called clever. Now she was confused: confused and frightened, although she didn’t know what she was frightened about. Just not knowing. Being alone. She didn’t want to go outside: didn’t know what was out there. Perhaps they were all up there, all the men in stupid masks who’d looked at her through the hatch. She wished there were more of them, not just this man who smelled bad and laughed in a silly way, as if he knew a joke that nobody else did.
There was the noise of a door, opening, closing. Footsteps across the hall. Mary scurried back, closing the downstairs door behind her and running to where she had been sitting. She was there, against the cushions, when he entered, a tray balanced across one arm.
There was bread and cheese from the previous day. The milk only half filled the glass and had lumps in it and was sour when she tasted it. The bread was stale but she made herself eat it, as slowly as she could. She pared off the cheese in small slivers.
‘You’ve got to shower. Take your clothes off.’
‘I don’t want to.’
‘You must.’
‘Why?’
He frowned. ‘She says.’
‘She changed her mind. She told me yesterday she doesn’t want me to do that, not any more.’
‘Not true.’
‘Why aren’t you wearing your mask?’ she asked finally.
When he smiled Mary saw his teeth were very uneven, as if there were too many crowded into his mouth: she hadn’t worn her brace for days now.
He said: ‘Don’t have to, not any more.’
‘Why not?’
‘Doesn’t matter any more.’
‘Why not?’ she repeated.
‘Secret,’ he snickered. He reached out, to touch her hair, but Mary pulled back. He sniggered again.
She’d eaten too much cheese, practically all of it, to prolong the meal and now she felt sick. She wished she’d gone up the stairs. She didn’t feel safe down here any more.
‘You’re pretty.’
Mary couldn’t think of anything to say.
‘I like you. Like your hair.’
‘I don’t like you touching it,’ said Mary, pulling away again.
‘Nice hair.’
‘Leave me alone!’
‘Haven’t got to.’
Mary didn’t think the sickness she felt had anything to do with what she’d eaten: it wasn’t like a tummy upset pain. ‘Did she say that?’
‘Yes.’
‘She told me you did. Told me herself that you didn’t have to touch me.’
‘She didn’t.’ He’d been sitting next to her on the bench, close enough to reach out towards her. Now he got up and crossed to the tape deck and CD equipment against the wall beside the large screen. He stood there, staring at it in total bewilderment, awkwardly touching switches and knobs. ‘No music,’ he complained.
‘We don’t want any music,’ Mary said nervously.
‘To dance,’ said the man. ‘We need music to dance.’
‘I don’t want to dance.’
‘Yes!’ The harsh loudness was back. He wasn’t sniggering or laughing any more. ‘Have a shower and then dance: play like you did with her, for the towel. Play with me.’
‘I didn’t like that,’ said the child. ‘I don’t want to do it again.’
‘I’ll slap you. I want to slap you.’
Victor! She had to treat him like Victor. ‘That would be bad.’
He shook his head. ‘No one knows.’
‘It’s not right, to hit people.’
‘Nice. Good.’
‘No! No, it’s not good. It’s wrong.’
‘He said I could.’
‘Who?’ She didn’t know what to do! Dad! Please, dad! There was no one to tell her what to do. I won’t be naughty again, God. I promise. Help me and I’ll be very good. Please, God.
‘Gaston.’
‘Gaston doesn’t want you to hurt me.’
‘He does. Said I could.’
Mary started to tremble. There was a lock on the inside of the bathroom door. Could she pretend to do what he wanted: get inside before he could follow her and lock him out! She might be able to, if she was quick: quicker than she’d been when she tried to run away from the woman the other time. She could pretend to dance a little first, make him sit down to watch to give herself the chance. What if he got to her before she locked it, like the woman had done? She’d be even more trapped then. Have to do what he wanted. Or he’d hit her. He’d said he would hit her: wanted to. ‘I want to go back into my room now.’
He shook his head. ‘Not any more.’
‘You mustn’t hurt me. Do anything bad to me.’
‘I can.’
‘If you do you’ll go where bad people go.’
He frowned at her, head to one side. ‘What?’
It had been the ultimate threat against Victor, when she’d wanted to make him cry. How much longer could she go on talking, keeping him away? She still felt sick and now her throat was beginning to get sore. I won’t make Victor cry ever again, God. I promise. ‘You know where bad people go?’
‘Jail.’
‘That’s it, you’ll go to jail.’ Mary seized on the word. ‘Go to jail for a very long time. For ever.’
‘No one knows.’
‘They’ll find out.’
‘Can’t.’
‘My father can. He’s a very important man. Lots of special people work for him.’
