Baby proof

'Why?'

'I can't, babe (inaudible)… I have a few hours.'

'That's not long enough.'

'Let's make the best of it.'

Lorenz then trailed them to their room and listened at the door for a few minutes. The following morning he returned, slipped a maid fifty bucks to let him into the room. He took photos of two empty champagne bottles, a plate of half-eaten strawberries (so trite), and stuffed the sheets from the bed into his duffel bag.

'Why did he take the sheets?' I say.

'Semen samples. Classy, huh?'

I digest the sordid details and then say, 'Who was she? Do you know?'

'I have no idea,' she says. 'But when I first saw the tape I thought it was Jane.'

'Your best friend Jane?' I say, horrified.

'Yeah. But it turned out, it was just her body and hair double. I mean, this girl could be Jane's lost, slutty twin. And I've always suspected Scott of having a thing for Jane. So when I saw this video my heart literally stopped and I'm thinking to myself, Oh, my God, I am so going to kill Scott, and then Jane, and then myself. And the only thing that pulled me out of the moment was my next thought, one that made me almost smile. I thought to myself, Daphne is going to get three kids out of this deal.'

'Wait,' I say, as innocently and nonchalantly as possible. 'Daphne gets the kids if you and Scott both die?'

Apparently I'm not subtle enough for Maura, who says ever so defensively, 'Well, she's married, Claudia… And she wants kids.'

'Oh, yeah. I understand,' I say, but just as I did on the day of Raymond Jr.'s baptism, I have a twinge of envy and small stab of indignation. I hope that at the very least, I am the backup should Daphne die, too. I decide this probably isn't the right time to delve into guardianship matters. Instead I drop the subject and say, 'So it wasn't Jane?'

'No. It wasn't Jane. And I know Jane would never do that. But stranger things have happened… I think the only people I fully trust in this world are you and Daphne. But I guess I'm lucky to have two, huh?'

A scene from Hannah and Her Sisters flashes into my head, which is one of the most disturbing movies I've ever seen for that very reason. I simply can't fathom Daphne or Maura betraying me in such a way. Or Jess for that matter. But to Maura's point, the list is short.

Maura continues, 'So I think that whole initial shock of thinking Scott was with Jane worked in my favor. I mean, I was so unbelievably relieved when I saw that girl's face and realized it wasn't Jane after all. It was almost like a small battle victory in the middle of a war you're losing badly… Besides, in a sense, there's no new information here. We already knew Scott was a disloyal asshole. So I'm just dealing with gradations of that right now. He's a slightly grander and more consistent asshole than I previously thought.' She laughs.

I smile, impressed at my sister's ability to keep her sense of humor.

'Have you confronted him?' I say. 'Does he know you know?'

'No… And let me tell you, it's really something watching him act all innocent around the house, like Joe Good Husband.' She imitates him: ' 'Say, Maura, want me to whip up some blueberry pancakes?''

'Disgusting,' I say, knowing that no matter what happens to my sister's marriage, I can no longer keep up the pretense of liking Scott.

'Yeah. It really is. But a small part of me also takes perverse pleasure in having the goods on him. It's like I got the last laugh, you know? It's like, 'Who's the fool now?''

'So, what next?' I say.

'I haven't decided on strategy. I don't want to act impulsively. What do you think of giving him a chance to come clean and confess?'

'You mean, tell him that you suspect that something is going on and see if he fesses up?' I say.

'Yeah. Something like that. You know, without telling him I have proof.'

'Sounds like a good idea,' I say. 'And if he confesses?'

She exhales into the phone and says, 'I don't know. More counseling, I guess. Maybe we could apply to be on Dr. Phil.'

I laugh. 'You wouldn't, would you?'

She says, 'No! I can't fathom why people would expose themselves like that. I mean, the worst part about this is probably the humiliation.'

I think to myself that if the humiliation is the worst part about this then she really doesn't love Scott anymore. I ask her if she does.

'Oh, shit, I don't know,' she says. 'I'm so far beyond that analysis. I mean, I guess I love the man I thought he was. Or the man he used to be. And occasionally, I still have a faint glimmer of love for him when I see him with the kids. He's a great father, if you can be a great father when you're doing this to your family…'

She pauses as I think of our mother. Maura is likely thinking of her, too. I can't believe my sister has to go through all of this again.

She continues, 'But no, I don't love him anymore in the way you're asking about. I don't love a man who can make my life feel so seedy when I've done nothing wrong.' Her voice cracks for the first time, so I try to ward off her tears by speaking crisply, as a mother does to her child who has just fallen down and is considering whether to cry. 'Okay. So what if he denies everything?'

My strategy works because Maura's voice sounds strong again when she says, 'I don't know. But I'm thinking I'll just pack up the kids and get the show on the road.'

'You should tell him to leave. And with that video, you'd totally get the house.'

'I don't know if I even want the house,' Maura says. 'Our life in that house is a joke.'

We sit in silence for a long stretch until Maura says, 'So Daphne told me about the egg donor stuff. And about Ben.'

I have a split second of discomfort, wondering if Maura cares that Daphne and I confided in each other first. I wonder how old my sisters and I will be before we no longer compete at all in our circle of three. Then I say, 'Yeah. It was hard to tell her no, but I had to.'

'Because you want Ben back?'

'Among other reasons… But to be honest, that was the main issue… I think I made a mistake. I really miss him.'

'Yeah,' Maura says. 'I'm not surprised. I thought you might change your mind.'

Maura's I told you so is subtle but annoying. It occurs to me that I could do the same to her. I could tell her that I had my suspicions about Scott from the very beginning. That I thought he was way too charming and smooth to be believable. I think of their engagement when Scott hired an airplane to fly with the WILL YOU MARRY ME, MAURA? banner along the coast in East Hampton. I remember telling Jess that I didn't trust any man who turned a proposal-what should be a private, intimate expression of love-into something so public. I considered telling Maura the same-expressing my worries that she was marrying a shameless show-off, the sort of man who thrives on the chase, the hunt. But I don't think it would have changed anything. And what would be the point of telling her all of this now? Maura must know in her heart that she made a mistake marrying Scott. Just like I know that I made a mistake leaving Ben. So I say, 'Yeah. I guess sometimes you have to find these things out for yourself…'

'Are you going to tell him how you feel?' 'Yeah,' I say. 'As soon as I can work up the nerve.' Maura sighs and says, 'Isn't it strange that a baby was the only thing keeping you and Ben apart? And the kids seem to be the only thing keeping Scott and me together?'

'Yeah,' I say. 'I should have had a baby for the right guy.' 'And I had babies with the wrong guy,' she says, confirming my theory that women are always, at least subconsciously, aware of their big