Something Blue

He didn't flinch. 'That's right. Just like that.'

'Well. Regardless of whether we're friends, why can't you tell me if you're still with Rachel? What's the big deal?' I paused, praying that he would say, Don't be ridiculous. Rachel and I don't have a relationship. That afternoon was just something that happened… or even better… almost happened. Maybe I had even imagined their tans in Crate and Barrel.

'It's not a big deal,' he said. 'I just think it's best if we don't discuss our personal lives.' He gripped the handle on his briefcase, pushing it from side to side.

'Why? I can handle it. You can't?'

He exhaled hard, shook his head, and said, 'Fine. If you insist. Things with Rachel are very good. Great, in fact.'

'So you're actually dating?'

'See? That's exactly why I don't want to discuss my life with you,' Dex said, rubbing his hand along his jaw.

'Fine.' I sniffed. 'Let's just get your things. They're in the bedroom. You remember where that is, don't you?'

'You get them. I'll wait here.'

'Dex, please,' I said. 'Just come with me.'

'No,' he said. 'I'm not going back there.'

I sighed, striding toward our bedroom, where I had planned on seducing him after a glass or two of wine. That clearly wasn't going to happen. So I grabbed a shoebox, dumped a pair of Jimmy Choos on my bed, and rummaged through my desk until I found a few instruction booklets. One for a fancy calculator he had bought for his home office. Another for our stereo. And a few maps of the D.C. area where his father lived. I put the papers in the shoebox. Then, just to add some heft, I threw in our studio engagement picture, expensive sterling silver frame and all. I knew it was one of Dexter's favorites of me, so it had surprised me when he took other pictures of us and left that one behind. I waltzed back into the living room, thrust the box toward him, and said, 'Here.'

'That's the heavy box you couldn't carry?' he asked, disgusted. He stood, poised to leave.

That's when it all sank in and I started to cry. Dex was serious with Rachel. He was leaving me to go meet her. Through tears, I begged. 'Don't go. Please don't go,' I said, wondering how many times I'd say those words.

'Darcy,' he said, as he sat back down. 'Why are you doing this?'

'I can't help it,' I said as I blew my nose. 'I'm so sad.'

He sighed loudly. 'You act as if I did this thing to you.'

'You did do this thing to me.'

'You did it too. Remember?' He pointed at my stomach.

'Okay. Fine. I did it too. But…' I struggled to think of some way to keep him with me a bit longer. 'But I need some answers before I can move on. I need closure. Please, Dex.'

He stared at me blankly. His eyes said: 'You don't have a choice about moving on. I'm outta here.'

I asked my question anyway. 'When exactly did you start dating? On the very day we broke up?'

'Darcy, that is entirely immaterial at this point.'

'Tell me. Were you looking to be consoled? Is that why you went to Rachel's?'

'Darcy, just stop it. I want you to be happy. I want you and Marcus to be happy. Can't you want the same for me?'

'Marcus and I broke up,' I blurted. All pride was out the window now.

Dex raised his eyebrows, his mouth forming the beginning of a question-when or maybe why. But he changed his response to, 'Oh. I'm sorry to hear that.'

'I miss you, Dex,' I said. 'I want us to be together again. Isn't there any way?'

He shook his head. 'No.'

'But I still love you.' I linked my arm around his. 'And I think that we still have something-'

'Darcy.' He pulled roughly away, his features rearranging in a preachy expression. I knew this face well. It was his 'my patience has expired' face. The face he got after I posed the same question a dozen times. 'I'm with Rachel now. I'm sorry. There's no chance of us ever getting back together. Zero.'

'Why are you being so cruel?'

'I'm not trying to be cruel. You just need to know that.'

I put my face in my hands and sobbed harder. Then, suddenly, I had an idea. It was an awful, low thing to do, but I decided that I had no choice. I stopped crying, cast him a sideways glance, and said, 'The baby is yours.'

Dex was unfazed. 'Darcy. Don't even start with that Montel Williams DNA-testing crap. That baby is not mine, and we both know it. I heard what you told Rachel. I know when we last had sex.'

'The pregnancy is further along than I thought. It's yours. Why do you think Marcus and I broke up?'

'Darcy,' Dex said, raising his voice. 'Do not do this.'

'Dex. The baby is yours. My doctor did an ultrasound to confirm the fetus's age. It happened earlier than I thought. It's yours,' I said, shocking even myself with the disgraceful tactic. I told myself that I would come clean later. I just needed to buy some time with Dex. I could get him back if I just had time to work my magic. He wouldn't be able to resist me as Marcus had. After all, Marcus was impossible, weird about commitment. But Dex had been mine forever. There had to be some lingering feelings.

'If you're lying about this, it is unforgivable.' His voice was almost shaking, and his eyes were wide. 'I want the truth. Now.'

I sucked in my breath, exhaled slowly, and maintained eye contact while I lied again. 'It's yours,' I said, feeling ashamed.

'You know I'm going to want proof.'

I licked my lips, stayed calm. 'Yes. Absolutely. I want you to take a blood test. You'll see that it's yours.'

'Darcy.'

'What?'

Dex put his head in his hands and then ran them through his thick, dark hair. 'Darcy… Even if it is mine, I want you to understand that this baby won't change a thing between us. Not a thing. You got that?'

'What does that mean exactly?' I asked, even though it was pretty clear what he was driving at. After all, Marcus had just made the same point to me the night before. I had the concept down.

'We're over. Finished. It's never going to happen again with you and me. Baby or no baby. I'm with Rachel now.'

I stared at him, feeling outrage well up inside of me. It was all so unbelievable! So utterly inconceivable! How could he be with Rachel? I stood and paced over to the window, trying to catch my breath.

'So tell me the truth right now. Is it mine?' he asked.

I turned and looked at him. He wasn't going to fold. You come to know a person well in seven years-and I knew that once Dex made up his mind, there was absolutely nothing that I could say to change it. His jaw was clenched. There was no opening for me. Besides, as brazen as I could be, I knew I could never actually go through with a ploy like this one, even as a temporary measure. It was just too awful, and I only felt worse for having tried it.

'Fine,' I said, throwing up my hands. 'It's Marcus's baby. Are you happy?'

'Actually yes, Darcy. I am happy. No, ecstatic is more the word.' He stood and pointed angrily at me. 'And the fact that you could lie about such a thing confirms to me-'

'I'm sorry,' I said before he could finish his sentence. I was crying again. 'I know it was really low… I just don't know what to do. Everything is falling apart for me. And-and- you're with Rachel. You took her on our honeymoon! How could you take her on our honeymoon? How could you do that?'

Dex said nothing.

'You did, didn't you? You went to Hawaii with her?'