you really go as far as that on the Inner Circle the other night?'
'Good God, did she tell you
'That's only half of it. How many eggs?'
I ate my bacon and eggs in silence. I was disillusioned. I had thought Nurse Plumtree above the common feminine habit of describing an evening out in the spirit of a boastful Grenadier in a pub after Waterloo.
When I met her the following evening I was more careful in my conversation and behaviour. This did not seem to disturb her, but as we came home I had to admit that her silences seemed longer and longer, and now extended from Piccadilly Circus to Russell Square on the Tube; and as she turned to allow me to kiss her good night I was sure I saw incipient acne all over her cheeks.
'I suppose you know Macpherson's on nights?' she said.
I murmured that I had noticed her while dashing through the ward on my night round.
'I'm asking the office to get her moved,' Nurse Plumtree went on. 'She's incompetent. Do you know that this morning she gave the high-protein diets to the low-proteins? And she mixed up the extra vitamins with the salt- deficients?'
'Oh, really? It doesn't seem to have done them much harm, anyway?'
She twisted the top button of my overcoat: 'Richard, I've got an evening tomorrow. Will you come to dinner at home?'
'Home?' I was startled. I had never thought of Nurse Plumtree having any home except the one provided by St Swithin's.
'It's only down in Mitcham. Mummy and Daddy would love to see you.' I hesitated. 'Please, Richard.'
I thought quickly. Dining with the parents would certainly be a trial. I could see it-gruff father, who I believed was a retired colonel, and sharp-eyed mother, both suspicious of my intentions towards their daughter. Still, Nurse Plumtree had been a kind companion to me, and I owed her some repayment-besides, I was running short of money, and it would mean a free meal.
'All right, ' I said. 'I'll meet you at the usual place at six, if I can get away.'
The clock struck then, and she disappeared through the closing doors of the Nurses' Home.
'How's Plumtree?' Nurse Macpherson asked cheerfully, as I arrived in the ward kitchen two minutes later.
'Oh, all right.' I sat on the edge of the table, lit a cigarette, and swung my legs.
'You don't sound very enthusiastic about it, I must say.'
'Oh, don't I?'
She put down a bowl of eggs she was beating and went on, 'Be a darling and lend me a cigarette. I left mine in the Home.'
She came across to me as I pulled a packet from my jacket pocket. When I lit her cigarette with the end of mine she gripped my hand tightly and said, 'You know what's wrong with Plumtree, don't you? She's undersexed.'
For a moment I looked at her. Nurse Plumtree was pale and dark, Nurse Macpherson red-headed and freckled. Nurse Plumtree always looked faintly ill, and Nurse Macpherson always buoyantly healthy, with a stride recalling a moor on a frosty morning and arms suggesting the tennis racket and the hockey stick. Nurse Plumtree was introverted and Nurse Macpherson extroverted, and if one was undersexed then the other was certainly oversexed. Before I realized what I was doing, I had kissed her.
'Ummm,' she said, nestling into my arms. 'Not quite the Nightingale spirit, but give me more.'
'What about the ward?' I gasped.
'The pro's looking after it.'
I kissed her again.
'But the night sister?'
'Not due for hours. Besides, I've got my cap on. That's the important thing. If they found a nurse stark naked with her cap on, it would still be respectable.'
It was late as I walked slowly up the stairs of the Residents' Quarters. I felt smugly sheikish. I now had two girl friends: one for companionship and comfort during the day, and one for excitement at night. As long as I could keep them reasonably separated and do without too much sleep, I was in for an interesting time.
16
The second disturbance to my romance with Nurse Plumtree was the dinner at home.
'Mummy and Daddy are very sweet really,' she said as I drove Haemorrhagic Hilda down to Mitcham.
'I'm sure they are.'
'Forgive Daddy if he's a little crotchety sometimes. He's been rather like that since he retired from the Army. And Mummy's arthritis sometimes upsets her in weather like this. But I'm sure you'll like them very much. Just be yourself,' she advised me.
The Plumtrees lived in a small house called 'Blenheim' that stood in a neat garden containing a row of yews shaped into horses' heads, with a miniature brass cannon by the steps and a notice on the door saying CIVIL DEFENCE-CHIEF WARDEN. She rang the bell, which had the effect of a bomb going off in a zoo. Immediately there was an outburst of barking, caterwauling and human shouting from inside, and I waited nervously on the mat wondering if it was a pair of lions who were scratching hungrily for me inside the door.
'I do love animals so,' Nurse Plumtree said.
The door burst open, and two Great Danes sprang at me, put their paws on my shoulders and began licking my face.
'Alexander! Montgomery!' cried someone inside. 'Mind what you're doing to the Doctor.'
'Don't worry,' said Nurse Plumtree calmly. 'They're only puppies.'
The dogs were pulled off, I staggered through the hall, and found myself in a sitting-room decorated with long photographs of regimental groups, a pair of crossed swords, a tiger-skin rug, and several ceremonial helmets under glass domes like forced rhubarb. The room seemed to be filled with human beings and animals. There were dogs in the corners, cats on the cushions, birds in the windows, and a tank of fish over the fireplace; scattered among them were a thin, stooping man with a white moustache, a fat dark woman in a purple dress, and a young man and a girl who both looked strongly like Nurse Plumtree.
'My dear, dear, Doctor,' said the Colonel, advancing with outstretched hand. 'How very pleased we are to see you! Edna has told us so much about you. May I introduce Edna's mother?'
As I shook hands she said warmly, 'Edna's told me so much about you, too.'
The young man held out his hand and said, 'Hel-lo. Name's Ian. I'm at the BBC. Sweet of you to come, old thing. This is Joan. We're Edna's brother and sister, and we've heard so much about you it isn't true.'
Joan said, 'Smashing you could come. Always hearing about you.'
I began to feel annoyed. I had expected the evening to be a quiet dinner, and it had been turned into a gathering of the clan.
'Naughty, Cromwell,' Joan said, picking up a wirehaired terrier which had sprung from the hearthrug to start biting my ankles. 'Naughty, naughty Cromwell! Did you want to eat the Doctor, then?' She buried her nose in the struggling dog's neck. 'Don't you think he's got a lovely face?'
'He's getting married tomorrow,' Ian explained. 'Which makes him rather excited.'
'Now let's have a cocktail, Doctor,' said the Colonel, rubbing his hands. He smiled at me. 'Or I'd better call you Richard, hadn't I?'
'If you like, sir, of course.'
For some reason this made everyone roar with laughter.
Before long I could not help mellowing in the warmth of my reception. I had come prepared for suspicious tolerance at best, and now Edna Plumtree's father was treating me like the man bringing the winnings from Littlewoods. Even conversation at dinner was easier than I had feared, because the Plumtree family, like many others, believed that the only way to make a doctor feel at home was to narrate their ailments since childhood in a richness of clinical detail more suitable for the operating table than the dining table. First Colonel Plumtree described the pelvic wound he had suffered at Dunkirk, starting with a short sketch of the military situation leading
