She could still smell a spicy woodsy scent. It reminded her of the forests where she was born. It was that scent that had told her he was in the tower.
It had surprised her that he had come looking for her. Then she had seen the desire in his eyes, desire she had never expected to see.
His touch had been gentle, almost reverent. What had torn her heart apart was the turmoil that showed too plainly on his face. He wanted her, but he didn’t want to want her.
She understood him all too well.
Isla jumped when there was a soft knock at her door. So maybe that’s why Hayden had left before he’d kissed her. Had he heard the approach of someone?
She wanted to deny it, but she knew the truth of her subconscious. And it hurt far more than she would have liked.
Isla walked to the door, her knees shaking from a mixture of passion and resentment. She opened it to find Larena.
Larena’s smiled dropped when she got a look at Isla’s face. “Is everything all right?”
Isla opened the door wider and motioned Larena inside. “Everything is wonderful. Why?”
“For a moment there you looked…” Larena paused and must have reconsidered her words. “I came to see if you needed anything.”
Isla smiled and shook her head. “I have more than I need.”
“Cara was quite pleased with herself getting this set up for you. It will get cold in here during the winter without a hearth.”
“I will make do.”
Larena studied her a moment. “Aye, I think you will. You’re a strong woman, Isla. You’ve endured much more than we can ever imagine, haven’t you?”
Isla didn’t answer her, she couldn’t. Her nightmares and tortures that she suffered were for her alone. They weren’t to be shared with anyone.
“You will survive this,” Larena continued. “This and anything else that comes your way. Would you like to know why?”
Isla couldn’t help but ask, “Why?”
“Because you’re a survivor. I’m glad you are here with us. Please know if you ever need anything, you can come to me.”
“Thank you.” Isla had said those two words more in the last two days than she had in the last five hundred years.
Larena walked to the door, but paused as she made to leave. “You’ve been on your own for a long time, trusting no one. I understand how that feels.” She turned to look at Isla. “It took me a while to understand everyone here accepted me as I was.”
“You don’t have evil inside you.”
Larena smiled sadly. “I do. Every one of us with a god has evil.”
Isla swallowed and turned her head away. “You didn’t have a choice, Larena. The god chose you.”
“And Deirdre chose you. She threatened your family. Do not believe what you did was out of cowardice, Isla. It took a tremendous amount of courage to become a
Isla looked into Larena’s smoky blue eyes. “And the things I’ve done? Shall I blame them on Deirdre as well?”
Larena glanced away, but not before Isla saw the distress pass over her face. “I wish I could take away those burdens, but I think even if I could you wouldn’t allow me.”
“You’re correct. They are mine to bear.”
“And how long will you carry them? When will you forgive yourself?”
“Never.” Isla didn’t deserve forgiveness. Not for the things she had done, regardless of the reasons.
“I hope you change your mind. Sleep well,” Larena said and closed the door behind her as she left.
Isla wanted to hit something, anything to get the rage that had been building inside of her out. But she’d clamped down on her emotions for too long to do anything other than seethe quietly.
Everyone here was too welcoming, too understanding. They wanted to help her, but nothing and no one could help her.
No matter how hard she tried to rein in her scattered emotions, she couldn’t get a handle on them. They overwhelmed her, mocking her, taunting her until Isla punched the stone wall before she broke apart.
Tears stung the backs of her eyes as her bones shattered from the impact. Blood seeped from her sliced knuckles, and she could do nothing other than look at them.
She collapsed onto the bed and curled onto her side. She held her broken hand softly, her heart breaking for the person she had become, the fiend she had vowed she would control.
The tears she knew she should cry wouldn’t come. They never did.
THIRTEEN
Hayden watched Isla from the window. It disturbed him to see her lose control so harshly. He would never have expected it of her, though he should have after seeing some of her tortures himself. She restrained herself too tightly, and if she didn’t watch it, she would fracture. Already she was on the verge.
He had almost returned to his chamber when he saw that it was Larena, but something had told him to stay, and he was glad he had. He had learned much from their conversation. Too much, maybe.
Isla wouldn’t welcome him now, and he wouldn’t know what to say to her anyway. Hayden jumped from the tower and made his way back to his chamber. Isla needed to be alone, and so did he. Except all he could think about as he lay in his bed was Isla, the way she made him yearn, and the words she had spoken to Larena.
There was no question Isla was lonely. Everyone at sometime felt loneliness, but Hayden suspected Isla’s went much deeper.
He didn’t like that he could relate to her or understand her. It was enough that he desired her. If he didn’t watch it, he’d find himself in her bed much sooner than he’d like.
That was true enough. It made it too damn easy to convince himself it was all right to want her. But the memory of finding his family dead prevented even that.
Hayden bent an arm behind his head and stared at the ceiling of his chamber. Even in the darkness the powers from his god allowed him to see perfectly.
He knew sleep wouldn’t come, not when he could still smell Isla in his chamber, still feel her breath on his cheek and her curves in his arms.
It was enough to tempt a saint, and Hayden most assuredly wasn’t a saint.
Dunmore guided his horse as close to the entrance of Deirdre’s mountain as he could amid the rocks. The creature was surefooted, but with the snow and ice, even Dunmore knew it was time to go it on foot.
He slid off his mount’s back and dropped the reins. The horse wouldn’t go far, not in the snowstorm.
Dunmore hated the creak in his bones as he climbed ever higher. It just proved he was getting old too fast. How much longer would Deirdre continue to turn to him for help before she realized he wasn’t as fit as he used to be? He didn’t imagine it would be much longer.
But right now she needed him. He would see that he did as she requested. After that, there would be no stopping Deirdre. Maybe then she would grant him the ultimate gift of immortality and youth.
Dunmore didn’t bother to try and shield his face with his hands. The snow was coming down too quickly and too thick. He ducked his head and trudged forward.
It wasn’t long before he heard the telltale shrieks of the wyrran. The undersized, hairless creatures were
