Barefoot: A Novel

this?”

“Go away,” Brenda said. “Please.”

“My brother saw them together,” Didi said. “Out in Monomoy. In the middle of the night.”

“Your brother?” Ted said.

“She’s ful of shit, Ted,” Brenda said. “I don’t know what your problem is with our family, but we real y need you to leave us alone. We’re under a lot of stress here.”

Stress, Vicki thought. There should be another word.

“Fine,” Didi said. She crossed her arms over her chest in a way that seemed diffident. “But I’m not ful of shit. They are sleeping together.” She spun on her heels and marched away.

Yes, Vicki thought. The girl was probably right. Josh and Melanie. Strange, nearly unbelievable, and yet Vicki had picked up on a bunch of clues that made her believe the girl was correct. Josh and Melanie together: It should have been the biggest revelation of the summer, but Vicki threw it into the basket with everything else. It didn’t matter.

At home, the routine went to pot. Josh returned with the kids.

“How did it go?” he asked.

“We don’t know,” Ted said. “The doctor is going to cal later.”

“Oh,” Josh said. He looked at Vicki quizzical y. “You okay, Boss?”

Melanie and Josh, she thought. Possible? She couldn’t waste time wondering. Palliative care. A year, maybe two. Blaine would be six, Porter three. Blaine would remember her, Porter probably not. There would be long hospital visits and drugs that put her mind on Pluto. Vicki felt like she was going to faint. She col apsed in a chair.

“Ted, can you take the kids out, please? I can’t deal.”

“Take them out where? What about Porter’s nap?”

“Drive him around until he fal s asleep. I can’t lie down. What if the phone rings?”

Josh cleared his throat. “Okay, I’m going to go, then.”

Blaine protested. “What about a story, Josh? What about Kiss the Cow?”

“You’re going with Daddy,” Vicki said.

Josh slipped out with a wave; he seemed eager to leave.

“I don’t know about this, Vick,” Ted said. “You’re going to sit here by yourself and obsess.”

“I’l take the kids,” Brenda said. “That way you can both sit here and obsess.”

Vicki felt like screaming, We are talking about my health, my body, my life!

“Go,” she said. She hid in her hot bedroom with the door closed. She opened the window; she turned on the fan. She sat on the edge of the bed.

Al over the world mothers were dying. Pal iative care: steps that could be taken to prolong her life. There was a question she needed to ask Brenda, but they never seemed to get a minute alone so Vicki could ask her. Because Melanie was always there? Melanie, twirling outside the dressing room. Are you sure there’s not something else going on? Melanie and Josh. But when? Where? And why wouldn’t Melanie have told her? But maybe the answer to that was obvious. She thought Vicki would be mad. Would Vicki be mad? She sat on the edge of the bed with her feet on the floor. Her feet, her toes, her body. Ted tapped on the door.

“Come in,” she said.

He handed her the phone. “It’s Dr. Alcott.”

So soon? But when she checked the clock, she saw it was quarter to four. “Hel o?” she said.

“Vicki? Hi, it’s Mark.”

“Hi,” she said.

“First of al , let me tel you that Dr. Garcia has scheduled your surgery for September first.”

“My surgery?” Vicki said. “So it worked? The chemo?”

Ted clapped his hands like he might have at a sporting event.

“It worked exactly the way it was supposed to,” Dr. Alcott said. “The tumor has shrunk significantly, and it has receded from the chest wal . The thoracic surgeon should be able to go in and get it al out. And . . . assuming the cancer hasn’t metastasized, your chances of remission are good.”

“You’re kidding me,” Vicki said. She thought she might laugh, or cry, but al she felt was breathless wonder. “You are kidding me.”

“Wel , there’s the surgery,” Dr. Alcott said. “Which is never risk-free. And then there’s the chance that the surgeon wil miss something or that we’ve missed something. There’s a chance the cancer wil turn up somewhere else—but this is just my ultra-cautious side talking. Overal , if the surgery works out like it should, then yes, remission.”

“Remission,” Vicki repeated.

Ted crushed Vicki in a bear hug. Vicki was afraid to feel anything resembling joy or relief, because what if it was a mistake, what if he was lying .