test on the patrol runs. How often does Johnny Cop come a-moseying by? And only three days till Sunday. Best to wait until next Sunday. But Richard would crack, O’Dell would get dangerously bored, and who knew what might go down with Ruta Beth here?
He looked over to Ruta Beth, who had turned.
“Shit,” she said, 'a cop.”
The deputy tapped on the window. He was just a boy, really, mid-twenties, with cornsilk hair and eyes that were too far apart behind the aviator's shades. Actually, he looked a bit mean and surly, and he stared right at poor Richard. He gestured.
Richard just stared at him stupidly, his mind utterly blank with panic.
In fact, he wet his pants; the warm urine cascaded over his crotch under the dress. He blinked back tears. Behind him, Richard could feel O’Dell tense and see one of his hands disappear as it slid under the blanket where the AR-15 lay. The butt stock of the rifle was in plain sight; if the cop looked at it and could get beyond the idea of the absurdity of an assault rifle in the back of an old Toyota with two old ladies, he'd have them cold.
Richard began to gibber. Strange noises came from his throat.
“Ayah, ayah, ayah,” he began to chant through utterly dry lips. His mouth felt like a hole full of sand. Impatiently the cop repeated the strange gesture, and then tapped on the window.
“Wahl wn-duh,” said O’Dell.
More gibberish. Then it cleared magically in Richard's head: Roll down the window.
His trembling fingers flew to the crank and he wound it down, feeling an idiot's smile splay across his face. He was beyond panic, he was in some place where butterflies of pure fright flitted and danced.
“Howdy, ma'am,” said the young cop.
Mouth agape, Richard nodded moronically.
“It's such a hot day, I was somewhat worried to see y'all sealed up like that. A dog can die in an hour locked in a car, yes, ma'am, seen it myself. You going to need some air.”
It was pure nonsense to Richard. Why didn't the cop notice his whiskers, his thickish shoulders, the black hair on his arms, the broadness of his hands, or the goddamned rifle butt sticking out of the blanket between the two?
“Ya'll from out of town? Oklahoma. Down here visiting?”
Richard's tongue seemed to constrict; he wasn't sure what he was about to spit out.
“Aunt Lucy! Oh, Aunt Lucy, don't you git upset.”
He looked over and saw Ruta Beth flying down the steps toward him and Lamar hanging back but eyeing the situation carefully.
She ran to Richard and began to stroke his hand gently, saying to the cop, 'You know, Aunt Lucy was as perky as a bumblebee until the stroke.
Now she just sits in the rocker all day long with Mrs. Jackson and they rock and rock and rock. On Thursdays, we like to take them for a long drive.
Only chance they ever git to be off the farm.”
The young cop stepped back, looking from Ruta Beth to Richard and back again, never once considering Lamar.
“Thursday's Bill's day off,” Ruta Beth continued.
“He works at the Chalmers plant up in Oklahoma City. Lord, he's a kind soul. My first. Jack Williams, Jr.” why that man wouldn't do a thing if it weren't to his own advantage.”
She turned dramatically.
“Bill, honey, it's okay. You can go back and get the ice cream.”
Lamar nodded, and headed back inside.
“They love ice cream,” Ruta Beth continued to the young officer.
“But, lord, you can't take ’em inside. They just can't handle it, all the hustle and bustle. So we leave ’em in the car, git a quick Dr. Pepper, then bring ’em their ice cream. It's the best part of the week.”
“Okay, ma'am,” said the young officer.
“Just checking.
The old lady evidently rolled up the window—”
“Aunt Lucy, you bad girl!”
“And I tried to make ’em see how quick they could run out of air on a hot day. Seen it happen to dogs all the time.
Mama comes back from the grocery with her two kids and Fido’s done bought the ranch in the back seat. Terrible way for kids to learn about dying.”
“Well, I will talk to Aunt Lucy, you can believe me.
She's just got to learn.”
“Be seeing y'all. Hope you come back to Wichita Falls.”
“Well, I certainly hope we do, too.”
The cop passed Lamar, now emerging with two icecream sodas in paper cups, and tipped his hat. Lamar smiled and came around and climbed in.
“Here you go. Aunt Lucy,” he said loudly, and made a show of handing the cup to Richard, but at the last moment pulled it away.
“Aww,” said Richard.
“You blanket-head, Richard,” he hissed as he slid in.
“Goddamn, you couldn't think of nothing but to look at him like you swallowed a goddamned fish?”
“I'm not an actor, Lamar.”
“No, you ain't,” he said, then, turning, 'Honey, you saved our goddamned bacon on that one. You done just great. I think you got a future in this shit.”
“Lamar,” said Richard, 'can I have my soda?”
“No, you may not,” said Lamar.
“O’Dell gets one soda because he sat cool as a cucumber with a smile on his face, just like I told him, and Ruta Beth gets the other one, because she handled that Johnny Cop slicker'n motor oil. You don't get nothing, Richard. Another second and I'd have had to pop that boy and we're on the run again, for nothing, you dummy. Shit.” He gave Ruta Beth a kiss as they pulled out.
“Thank you. Daddy,” she said.
“Wich-ud wee wee said O’Dell.
“What's that, O’Dell?” said Lamar.
“Honey, did you understand him?”
“He's saying Richard went wee wee said Ruta Beth.
“Oh, Aunt Lucy,” said Lamar, 'you are such a baby!”
CHAPTER 12
Nothing panics you like your own blood, but by the time he'd gotten to the hospital. Bud had figured out that he probably wasn't going to die that night. And he didn't:
Stitches underneath his arm had popped when he leaped to celebrate Jeff's home run, but the loss was minimum, though the young emergency room doctor wouldn't release him and so he spent another night in the hospital despite his considerable meanings and groanings about it.
“He complains like that all the time,” Jen told them.
“It's his idea of fun.”
But the next morning, Colonel Supenski himself showed up, with lion eyes and not a lot of old-boy fellowship.
“Bud, you are ragging on me something fierce.”
“Yes sir,” said Bud, glumly.
“Now, I want you to consider doctor's orders my orders.
