The knight appeared flummoxed by my simple question, as if a wife had just asked a forgetful husband the date of their wedding anniversary.
'Eh?' he stuttered. 'My queen is? Well the damnedest thing is I cannot remember!' he giggled, nervously. 'What does it matter anyhow? Memories I feel are like clumps of manure thrown at a wall. Some stick whilst others slide, don't you agree?'
I glanced back to an un-amused samurai.
'What do you do now, knight?' Kat asked him.
Suddenly, Eddinray brandished his long sword straight in the air, before proudly announcing. 'I seek chivalrous adventure and daring do in the Distinct Earth! This… is what I do now!'
'Okay,' I muttered with an unsure smile. 'My name is Daniel. The man behind is Kat.'
'Meow!' the knight shrieked, his hand making a paw. 'Delighted to meet you both, and charmed, utterly charmed by this timely arrival!'
Sir Godwin Eddinray then held out an offering. 'Would you gents care for some bark?' he asked us, forcing some into his mouth. 'It is vile to be sure, and sticks to your teeth like all bark should, but it is also strangely addictive. I find myself hopelessly snagged by its lure.'
Politely, I refused.
'Hysteria,' Kat whispered in my ear. 'Sunstroke madness. A foolhardy castaway.'
'You think?' I hissed back. 'He looks normal to me. Well… normal for this place anyway.'
'Hello!' cried the Knight, waving generously in our direction. 'My ears are perfectly functional gentlemen! I am standing right here after all! Do the eyes in your head not see me?'
I shrugged apologetically as Eddinray picked the bark from his mouth then shamefully sniffed at the saliva- dripping clump. 'Ordinary people do not eat bark, do they?” he asked. “This is unusual behaviour, is it not?'
My sympathetic nod confirmed the Englishman's suspicions. 'Sadly,' he added; 'I ran out of food many moons ago and I'm afraid the situation has taken a rather grim turn. My own hand looked appealing at one stage, all deliciously pink with five succulent fingers; that is ‘til I happened to glance upon my fingernails. The dirt put me right off!'
'Grim or not,' grizzled Kat, 'we will not rescue a mad person!'
'Rescue?' argued the knight; 'is a strong accusation, Sir. Strong indeed! I am in a pickle — of that there can be no doubt — but nothing I cannot muscle myself out of! Moreover, I am certainly not a mad person! I tell you I am the sanest dead man alive!'
Eddinray’s armor screeched like a rusty hinge whenever he made the slightest movement, and he appeared faint under the weight of it all.
'Hot in that mail, knight?' Kat teased.
'Like a pig on a revolving spit I am roasting ninja, but also bear naked under this mail and metal. There are many horrors in this realm — my nakedness would only attract them of course.'
'Of course!' I agreed, amused. 'And how did you get, in your pickle, Eddinray?'
Sir Godwin Eddinray smeared a hand across his burdened brow. 'Fought off wretched marmoset men on an island not far from here… the persistent buggers barely left me time to launch this floating ramshackle. There is surely no honor amongst there kind!'
'Marmoset men?' I said.
'Or baboon boys!' he answered. 'Of their origin I am not entirely certain, but their primate strength was formidable, though fortunately not a match for my sly cunning.' He exhaled a weary breath now, as if he had just re-fought the incident over in his mind. 'I will say this to you men — those heathen swine do not eat bananas!'
I blurted out a laugh, but held my mouth shut when witnessing Eddinray's sincerity. He was visually shaken by the memory of that mysterious marmoset island. 'For all my dexterity,” he concluded, “I have been drifting lost and forgotten. If you gentlemen would provide me safe passage across this ocean on the back of your beast, I shall be forever grateful.'
'No!' barked Kat. 'I do not like him, Fox. I do not like you knight!'
'Don't you ninja? Why, I'm a lovely chap, and most especially trustworthy! Oh yes!'
'I am no ninja!'
'My samurai companion may be right,' I said, diplomatically. 'The three of us could be asking too much of this horse’s back.'
'I see,' said Eddinray, glum faced. 'Then I shall take my chances with the bottomless sea and burning sun. With no food, no water and no chance. Godspeed on your way men. Good luck to you!'
'Ya!' exclaimed Kat, kicking the hind of Atlas. The horse ignored him, and I did too. For all the risk involved, I liked this knight, and couldn't leave him to die.
'He comes with,' I said. 'You're not evil, are you knight?'
'Certainly not!' he protested. 'I vanquish evil, Sir! With one thrust of my sword or butt of the head, whatever is necessary and to hand. Yes, I smile in the face of wickedness and call it ugly!'
'He
I bent into Atlas' pointy ear and whispered. 'Can you take the three of us girl?' She responded with a single snort and bobble of the head — Eddinray could come along.
'Excellent!' he cried, armour squeaking. 'Excellent!'
'Stretch your feet for now,' I yawned, getting off the horse. 'Sun's setting. We'll beat it at dawn. Can you catch us some food, Kat? Anything?'
The bad tempered samurai spat during his climb off Atlas.
'What a grumpy little so and so you are!' said Eddinray. 'Are you and I going to have trouble on our flight?'
Kat cleared the snot from his nose then shoved passed Eddinray. With his back to us, he sat at the edge of the raft, immersing legs in the water.
'Catch us food?' the knight considered as Kat swished out his katana. 'Gentlemen, I have exhausted all hunting methods known to man, and there is no food to be found in these waters! It is the definition of barren I say!'
'Silence his mouth!' Kat complained. 'Or you both go in the water!'
I placed a finger over my lips to urge the knight quiet. Together and in silence, we then watched Kat lose himself in meditation, raise the katana over his head and hold the breath in his lungs. More than a minute passed when he stabbed the blade into the water and pulled a fish from the sea, a gasping green thing skewered on the sword. Kat flicked the flapping food over his shoulder and into my arms — then repeated the process.
***
We filled our bellies with raw fish that evening, the moon rippling a spotlight over an oily ocean. I found Eddinray to be warm and charming in an eccentric, mad scientist sort of way. He also shared something in common with Kat that I couldn't fail to notice: both men believed that they were the single greatest warrior who ever lived. But while Kat was quietly secure in his skill, Eddinray wanted the whole realm to hear how many times he'd risked his neck saving it. Over the course of our meal, the knight boasted of brilliant battles fought and won, of duels with the deadliest of adversaries — the heroic recounts of a man willing to climb the tallest towers for the fairest maidens. His eagerness to talk was a refreshing change, but one only I appreciated. The samurai showed us his shoulder the entire night, which disappointed me. I knew Kat didn't enjoy company, but also thought I had gotten through some of his barriers and that he would be open for conversation whenever engaged. I still had a lot to learn.
The Weather-Maker curled like a devoted pet beside me, her coat reflecting the stars and warming me like a sleeping bag. As I stroked her thick hair, I felt something unusual wrapped around her neck. It was a satchel, perfectly positioned for her teeth to get at its contents. Every time I tried to feel inside the bag, Atlas would nudge my hand away, so I took the hint to mind my own business.
'That's when the fire lizards of the Altmerrion zone set upon me!' continued Eddinray, his fists thrashing the air. 'Their breath burnt off my eyebrows and their claws threw their dung, but I got the best of them. I chopped and hacked them into little tiny pieces, and there was no guilt on my part. It is one thing to throw an axe at a man's head, but quite another to throw ones faeces!'
'That was a fascinating story,' I said, genuinely entertained. 'You've seen so much. Tell me Eddinray, have
