would wake with a bellyful of inspiration.'
Napoleon was briefly that boy again, his eyes enjoying the memories. 'When my Father died,' he added, sadly, 'dreams became ambitions, so I set out to realise them.'
Lingering near the velvet sofa, Eddinray appeared fidgety under Napoleon's spotlight. 'My life was one of supreme highs,' he continued, 'and one loathsome low at Waterloo. Sent to my island prison by the British, my body was slowly poisoned by those dogs then thrown to rot in an unmarked grave. A disgraceful end to a wonderful life.'
'Why tell us?' I asked him. 'What's the point?'
'I am offering your English friend that which I did not get — an honourable last bow. For Sir Godwin Eddinray to compete with the competitor.'
Harmony let out a sharp gasp, and swiftly, Napoleon finished his proposal before further interruption. 'Participate in a contest, joust with me Englishman, and your party can leave here with prisoners mentioned.'
Sickly faced and weak at the knees, Eddinray sat. Harmony however, was not so feckless.
'Napoleon you are too arrogant!' she chuckled. 'You always were! You cannot defeat Godwin; he is a knight who understands horses and lances better than any here. You won't stand a chance!'
Napoleon snorted into his fist. 'What say you knight?' he asked, pompously dabbing his lips with a handkerchief from his pocket. 'What say you to her claims?'
Eddinray now regained something of his old self. He left the sofa and approached Napoleon with broadening shoulders. 'I agree…with Harmony.'
'And do you love her?' he asked him; 'or are you lying about that too?'
Harmony and Eddinray froze, the pair so obviously terrified of hearing the other's answer. Fortunately, one of them had an answer to Napoleon's question, thus shattered any tension with it. 'I am no liar!' declared Eddinray, boldly. 'And yes, sir! I do love this woman! There you have it!'
Harmony visibly quivered at his announcement, then leant against the nearest piece of furniture for support. 'You do?' she asked him.
Defeating the nerves in his belly, Eddinray faced her. 'From the very moment I saw you I was smitten. In awe. In love, my dear.'
They exhaled simultaneous relief, and smiling, they stumbled, almost inebriated to embrace before the fireplace. Kat and I shared delighted grins from across the penthouse, but a sore looking Napoleon chewed his bottom lip bloody. 'Excuse me,' he interrupted, lowering his voice to a snarl. 'I am not…finished.'
Infant-like in his jealousy, he pried the lovers apart and had his say between them. 'Tell us when you passed Englishman? Tell us that — then have the temerity to claim you are no liar!'
To this, Eddinray's body language spontaneously transformed, from an invigorated man who had received the best possible news, to a shrinking violet from his love.
'What's the matter?' asked Harmony, as his hands left her.
'Tell us!' added Napoleon, leering. 'Tell us…you fool of a man!'
Weakened and withdrawn, Eddinray planted himself back on the sofa. Harmony attentively approached to sit beside him. 'It's fine Godwin.” she said. “I know the truth. I saw it for myself. Watched everything on the locomotive.'
'What,' he said, fear obvious in his voice; 'did you see?'
Harmony scrunched up her eyes to recall. 'The time and landscape were unfamiliar, but it was clear you did not die a hero's death. Far from it, you lost your footing and fell drunkenly from a bridge.'
Napoleon laughed aloud, his belly bouncing up and down.
'You may be ashamed Godwin!' Harmony hastened, 'but an unspectacular end is the main for the majority. Nothing to be proud of, but nothing to be upset over either!'
'She must love you,' Napoleon scoffed; 'for despite seeing the truth with her own eyes, my life-support still refuses to accept it. Inform the rest of us, Englishman — when did you take your pratfall? The date precisely?'
'I cannot remember it…'
'Come now!' he badgered, hurrying to them at the sofa. 'The 15th Century? No? The 16th perhaps? No? Surely then…the 17th?'
'Stop!' Eddinray pleaded, but Napoleon pressed on for victory. 'Let us race past the 18th and 19th centuries, and further still to the 20th! Yes, now that's much more accurate!'
Frustrated annoyance spread over the Penthouse. Harmony could not wait for Eddinray to take his time now — she demanded the truth be told.
'So be it.' Eddinray said, and with a huge sigh of surrender, a wet eyed and humiliated knight, confessed. 'I died in the year 19 hundred and 89. The 20th century.'
Harmony stood, taking slow steps away from the sofa, her plain expression revealing nothing.
'My name was Gerald,' Eddinray explained, 'Gerald Price. I worked as a nurse at my local elderly care home in Blackburn, England. A common nurse, that's all. I cleaned mouths, changed sheets, fluffed pillows and wiped backsides for a living. An admirable profession you might say, but hardly a heroic one.'
Napoleon leapt on the opportunity to mock him. 'You see? A nurse! Can you imagine him in his woman uniform, honouring the sick with incompetence!'
He laughed and laughed until his sides hurt.
'Shut up!' Kat yelled at him. 'Shut your fat mouth!'
Napoleon gradually caught his breath, if only to hear Eddinray conclude his story. 'It was New Year's Eve.' he stuttered. 'I was due to attend a fancy dress party so rented this very…costume…for the occasion. The most expensive in the shop. After the party — sloshed of course — I slipped and fell from a bridge. In the Waiting Plain, I accepted the consequences of my wasted years and drunken folly, and was therefore sentenced to face the many trials and tribulations of the Distinct Earth. '
'Where the stupid and meek assumed he was an English knight from times long past.' finished Napoleon, dusting the matter off his palms. 'There is your story Harmony, and that is your knight!'
Harmony looked senseless, like a doll to the news. I meanwhile uttered the only thought to enter my head.
'The name? Of all the names to choose, why Godwin Eddinray?'
'Strangest thing Danny,' he replied, 'a moment before I fell headlong into the water, that name was the last thing I ever heard. It seemed to fit the costume. It all made sense somehow…'
Standing again, Eddinray outstretched his hand toward Harmony. 'Forgive me?'
Stony faced, she turned her back to his hand and pleas.
'Priceless.' muttered Napoleon. 'The nobody playing a somebody — all very dull and pathetic.'
'I wasn't naive,' said Harmony, gently; 'I knew you embellished the truth Godwin, but I believed your stories came from an honest place in your heart. Tell me…was nothing real? Was it all nonsense?'
Shrinking back to the sofa, Eddinray's unanswerable mouth sent Napoleon into another spell of laughter. Harmony wavered to the window to hide her broken heart, and in the centre of this melodrama, Kat and I where stuck to uncertain feet.
'Oh, I need a cigarette.' said Napoleon, chortling over the breeze and cackling fire. 'This has been a good night!'
Then, and with a biting grimace, Eddinray sprang from the sofa and announced -
'I will joust! I will joust with you Emperor!'
Kat and I peered, somewhat embarrassed at each other; Harmony remained unmoved at the window. Seizing the chance to see off his love rival, Napoleon pounced. 'Will you joust…nurse? Are you serious? Can you ever be serious?'
'When and where?' he answered. 'I will joust!'
I went to calm him down, but Eddinray's mind was made up. 'If I win?' he asked Napoleon. 'What then?'
'You leave my Fortress in fine health,' he replied, 'with prisoners 1692 and 2020 in tow.'
'And if he loses?' I said, intrigued.
Napoleon had to clear his throat before sharing that vital condition. 'When the nurse loses, Harmony will remain here with me. The rest of you will march willingly to vacant cells below. No negation.' he quipped in Kat's direction.
