my food.”
“I don’t know,” Parker said, slumping down at the kitchen table. “I couldn’t sleep if I knew the vampire was there. I’d be sure it was just a matter of time until she ate me.”
“All you breathers are exactly the same!” Nina shouted, stomping into the living room, pale nostrils flared.
“She’s also super quiet,” I said, licking the chocolate pudding from my spoon.
“Look, buddy,” Nina said as she gathered her dark hair into a long, slick ponytail. “We’ve been around awhile. You breathers aren’t the only ones who’ve evolved.”
Parker’s eyes narrowed, and for once, I thought I saw genuine terror in them. I considered intervening, but I wasn’t done with my pudding cup.
“Whoa, I didn’t mean to insult you. I’m just trying to figure this whole thing out,” he said, palms up, placating.
“Well, you no longer have to go all bow-and-arrow around dinnertime”—Nina shrugged—“and neither do we.”
Parker looked from Nina to me and back again and dropped his voice. “Vampire restaurants?”
“Something like that,” I said.
“See? This is what I can’t stand. We’re not all crazed maniacs, you know. When you walk into a grocery store, do you start ripping everything off the shelves, tearing into a box of Frosted Flakes with your teeth? No! Sure, when you’re hungry you might make a few bad decisions”—Nina rubbed her stomach and winced—“but you can control yourself. So can we.”
Parker shuddered. “But don’t you … like … the thrill of the hunt?”
Nina’s eyes went wild, primitive, and her lips parted, the pink tip of her tongue touching her sharp incisors. “Do I ever!” She kicked out her right leg and pointed at it. “Dolce and Gabbana slouch boots, forty percent off!”
The color returned to Parker’s cheeks, and he groaned, tossing his pudding cup in the trash. “I don’t know why I was worried. You chicks are all the same—dead or alive.”
Nina cocked her head, her nostrils fluttering as Parker passed her.
“What?” he asked, eyes wide.
“You smell … different.”
Parker’s cheeks flushed, and I tossed Nina my “it’s impolite to sniff our guests” look. “So, Nina, how was Dirt last night?”
“Wait. One more thing,” Parker started, taking a large step back from Nina. “What about the no-sunlight part? Is that true?”
Nina crossed her arms in front of her chest and nodded. “Yeah. You know the whole UV-sunburn thing?”
Parker nodded.
“Well, it’s like that, times, like, a billion. And then we burst into flames.”
I grimaced, but Parker seemed unfazed. “And what about the no-aging part? People have to wonder about that. How do you get around that one?”
“Most vampires are nomadic for that reason. But it’s not as big a problem as you might think. Men never question it; it’s the women who always ask.”
“And what do you tell them?”
“Pilates.”
Parker’s eyebrows shot up. “Pilates? Really?”
“If I even hinted at the truth there wouldn’t be a drop of blood left in the entire hemisphere and I’d be stuck with an undead army of cougars in Juicy Couture. That’s another thing—when you live forever, you become very skeptical of who you want to take along for the ride.” Nina blew out a sigh. “Forever is a very, very long time.”
I stared into my pudding cup and grinned while Parker squirmed.
“Forever, huh?” he asked.
Nina shrugged. I refilled Parker’s and my coffee mugs, and then the three of us settled at the dining room table.
“Okay then,” I said to Nina, “back to Dirt. Anything we should know about? Has there been anything interesting going on?”
Nina shrugged, pulling the morning paper off the counter. “That’s just it—nothing. Apparently there was some big fight there earlier—Thor demons, I heard—so the place was basically emptied out by the time we got there.”
“Thor demons? Fighting? That’s weird. They’re generally pretty peaceful.”
Parker’s eyes flashed, and I sipped my coffee, continuing, “You know, as far as demons go.”
The lock tumbled on the front door, and then Vlad was standing in the middle of the living room, his black- Drac uniform obscured by an ankle-length leather duster.
I pasted on a smile as Parker’s eyes widened. “Vlad, you remember Parker.”
Vlad’s nostrils flared as if he was smelling something unsavory. “Uh-huh.”
“Nice coat,” Parker said.
Vlad’s eyes flashed. “This is the official uniform—”
“We know, we know, Vlad. It’s the official wacky uniform of the Vampire Empowerment and Restoration Movement,” Nina said.
Parker’s brow furrowed. “VERM?”
“Yeah, that’s why we don’t shorten it.”
Parker leaned back and sipped his coffee. “And what is it that this movement wants to do, exactly?”
“We seek to restore vampires to their former glory and power, when humankind was rightfully subservient to our superior race.”
“Well, la-di-dah,” Parker said under his breath.
“It’s just a lame excuse for a bunch of vamps to run around in capes and top hats,” Nina said.
Vlad glared, his blue-white fangs bared. “We are restoring a centuries-old balance of power. Our race has been practically obliterated, forced to flee, to live underground.”
“I thought sunlight killed vampires?” I piped up.
“That’s beside the point,” Vlad said sharply. “The Movement welcomes all vampires”—he eyed Nina—“no matter how far from the flock they have fallen.”
Nina snorted and flipped a page on her newspaper. “Lame!”
“If you’re not with us, you’re against us, Auntie.”
“Fine!” Nina threw up her hands. “Put me down for a bumper sticker.”
Parker chuckled, and Vlad rolled his eyes, crossed the living room in a burst of cool air, walked into Nina’s closet bedroom, and slammed the door behind him.
“Charming kid,” Parker said, raising his coffee cup.
“You should see him when he’s in a bad mood,” Nina said, scanning the paper.
“Are these VERMS—”
“We don’t shorten it!” Vlad moaned from behind his closed door.
Parker lowered his voice to a near whisper. “Are they violent? Could they possibly be responsible …?”
Nina wagged her head. “No. Like I said, it’s really nothing but a bunch of spoiled rich vamp kids with nothing better to do.”
“I heard that!” Vlad whined.
“Good,” Nina returned. “Then maybe you all will forget this stupid movement and decide to do something worthwhile with your afterlife!” She shook her head at Parker and me. “This new generation of vampire—they think they’re so entitled.” She went back to reading her paper, then fingered the edge of her mug and casually looked up at us. “So, have you two had any luck with your case?”
I wagged my head. “No, not really.”
Parker swallowed and glared at me. “We’re doing okay. Hey, what’s Dirt? You mentioned it a minute ago, before Mr. Dark and Broody blew in.”
“Club,” I said. “Underworld friendly. Mostly vampires, demons …”
“The occasional zombie.” Nina wrinkled her nose. “They have
