without them.”
Justin shifted against me. “I didn’t want my life. I mean—I didn’t want to die, but I wanted to be someone else. Someone who didn’t care about coming home to an empty house. Someone who didn’t feel alone all the time.”
“I feel alone a lot.”
He drew circles against my forearm. “But you aren’t. I’m here for you, and so is your family. You’ve got Lizzie too.”
The cat perked up at her name. Her entire body vibrated under my hand.
“I never told Naomi the truth.”
“I think she picked up on more than you thought. And she cared about you. A lot. She told me to take care of you in her letter.”
“What else did she say?”
He rolled off the bed and walked over to his computer desk. “Come over here and read it.”
I followed and sat in front of his computer. My stomach tensed, and I closed my eyes. It seemed too soon.
“Read it, Drea. I think it will make you feel better.”
My hand shook against the computer mouse. I opened my eyes, swallowing hard. My throat still felt scratchy. It began by telling him she was taking off with Scott, and that she was sorry.I’ve been planning this escape for a long time. I kept hoping things would get better. They didn’t.We don’t know each other that well, but I’m glad we got to talk that one night, especially about our dads. I hope yours comes around for you because he should be proud. You’ve got it together. I wish I had your strength, but I’m doing the only thing I know how to do. And that’s to get the hell out of here. No way is anyone going to lock me up. I’m a free spirit who belongs on the road.Take care of Drea for me. She’s the most real chick I’ve ever met, and you’re lucky to have her. But if you break her heart, well, let’s just say I’ll make a reappearance just to kick your ass. I know you won’t though. You’re a good guy.I’ll miss you guys and the music we made. You’re an amazing pianist. Don’t EVER stop!Until next time,Naomi
I didn’t even realize I was crying until Justin brushed his fingers across my cheek. “I miss her.”
“I know. I do too.” He stroked my hair, his voice cracking.
We held each other as the sunlight faded into dusk. Lizzie cuddled next to our feet. I told him about the day I moved in. How Naomi slobbered in my didgeridoo. He laughed and told me it sounded like something she’d do.
Then he talked about Italy and said that his grandma wasn’t much different from mine. But she’s a better cook.
“I want to take you there in the summer,” he said. “I have a couple musician friends there. We’ll jam. It’ll be cool.”
The idea made me smile, but I still couldn’t get Naomi out of my head. She would’ve really enjoyed a trip like that.
Going back to school was hard. A lot of people asked me about Naomi—they wanted every last detail. Kari eventually told them to
Kari and Roger ate lunch with us nearly every day. Most of the time, we talked about music, or anything to fill the hole inside of us. I often looked at the fountain, expecting to see a flash of purple hair. And the locker room was so quiet without Naomi’s incessant teasing. There was nobody to talk about Justin’s butt or to insist that I lighten up. It was amazing how even the most annoying things about a person could be missed.
Roger offered to sing a couple tracks for us. But I wasn’t ready. The mic still belonged to Naomi. People continued to post comments about her voice. One of my favorite indie musicians even wrote me on MySpace, asking if he could work with the vocalist. When I told him what happened, he said he was sorry. Her voice would’ve taken her far, he said. Then he asked me if he could remix “Invisible.” He told me he’d dedicate it to her on his Web site. My heart hurt a little less that day.
It took a month for me to look at the videos we’d filmed of Naomi. Justin and I sat in front of my computer after we’d hooked up the camera. Neither one of us wanted to push play. But we had a project to complete. The world needed to see what we saw in her. A beautiful girl we’d never forget.
“I don’t think I can do this,” I said, looking at the still of her face. I hated the thought of hearing her voice and seeing her smile but not being able to hug her. I couldn’t pause the tape and tell her not to leave. She’d be looking right at me, her eyes wide with some adventure in her head. And I’d see her on the floor of that house. Pale and crumpled.
“We have to try,” he said, moving my hand out of the way. “For Naomi.”
He pushed play and I held my breath.
Naomi walked down Railroad Avenue, her arms spread like she was planning on flying somewhere. She turned and faced us, her head tilting toward the sky. “I wish it would rain today.”
I exhaled slowly. Hearing her voice again warmed me inside.
“Are you only happy when it rains?” Justin asked her, referencing the Garbage song.
Naomi looked at him then, a smile easing across her face. “Maybe.” She spun around, approaching a grubby man with a guitar in his hand.
The guy’s dark eyes widened when she put a hand on his shoulder. And I knew exactly how he felt. Because I felt the same way when she noticed me.
“What’s your favorite thing to do in Bellingham?” she asked him.
“I’m a simple guy,” he said. “I just like to sit here, sing my songs, and hope someone will give me enough change for one of those bagels they sell across the street.”
She followed his gaze. “They’re pretty good, huh?”
“Even one will make my entire week. They got this jalapeno cream cheese that zings. Gives me the runs, though.” He let out a hoarse laugh.
