either,' he said, climbing into the bed. He brought the lamp closer on the night table and gently touched the bruises on her neck. 'These look even better now than they did this afternoon,' he whispered. 'God loves you, honey, and so do I.' Slowly he leaned over and kissed the raw places at her throat. She stirred slightly; he took it for a response, hoping that, after this weekend's events, she'd want to make love as badly as he did. Leaning farther, he kissed her lips. She kissed him back only halfheartedly, her lips clamped closed. He kissed her again, waiting for her to open her mouth; she did not. Well, perhaps she still hurt there; he pulled away, feeling foolish.
Later, as they lay together in the darkness, he reached out and touched her shoulder. He felt her stir. Running his hand over the nightgown, he moved down her breasts toward her stomach and belly, sensing himself grow aroused. She stirred again and rolled away, turning her back to him. Guiltily he withdrew his hand and, with a sigh, turned over and tried to go to sleep.
July Twenty-fifth
The Poroths had been up for hours when he awoke. He rolled over in bed and looked out. The first thing that caught his eye was a garden spider just outside the screen, clutching the tattered remnants of a moth. Nature! he thought, as he had in days past. The animal was grey and hairy, as large as some of the mice the cats had killed. It was clinging to the dark green ivy that grew over the outside of the sill; obviously it had had good hunting this summer, preying on the insects that lived among the leaves. Almost as if it sensed Freirs' revulsion, the thing suddenly began to move, climbing purposefully up the screen and, as he watched, horrified, making straight for the rent in the wire. Hurriedly he seized the spray can from the shelf by his bed, held its nozzle against the screens, and inaugurated the new week at the farm by dousing the creature with poison. It struggled to within several inches of the gap, then stopped, arched its legs, and dropped backward into the ivy.
Darkly the nursery rhyme came back to him:
If you wish to live and thrive,
Let the Spider walk alive.
He tried to shrug it off, reminding himself that he had already killed so many that he was living, even now, on borrowed time.
A rather quiet day, after the weekend's excitement. No visitors, no accidents, no noise or movements in the earth. Read some de la Mare in the morning – horrifying story of a little boy who sees a crouching demon each time he turns his eyes to the left – but his writing's so tentative amp; subtle amp; the day was so quiet amp; muggy that I somehow couldn't keep reading. Sarr was scattering some sort of white powder in the cornfield that's supposed to keep cutworms away, but he was also making sure to keep an eye on Deborah. She in turn sat watching him from a rocking chair on the back porch, rocking slowly back amp; forth but not otherwise moving, like a silent old woman more dead than alive.
Seeing Sarr's labors, I felt I ought to get some physical activity myself; but the thought of starting my exercises again after being out of practice so long seemed just too unpleasant. I took a walk down the road a little way, up to the first bend where the house is lost from sight. Perhaps I was hoping that the driver from the gas company would happen by again amp; offer me a lift… Somehow, though, I didn't want to get out of sight of the house, as if it might not be the same – or there at all – when I got back. Like the way Sarr keeps one eye on Deborah… I was bored, amp; walking to town sounded temping, but Gilead had so little to offer amp; just seemed too far away.
Was going to cut the ivy away from my windows when I got back, as it's become a haven for all sorts of bugs, but decided the place looks more artistic covered in vines.
Deborah made dinner tonight – meat loaf, string beans, amp; potatoes – but I found it a bit disappointing, probably because I'd been looking forward to it all day. The meat was underdone, somehow, amp; the beans were cold. Though she still seems tired amp; stiff, she seems otherwise normal now, amp; at least was able to talk over dinner-more than Sarr, in fact, who said almost nothing, except that he'd been unable to find out anything about the McKinneys (if in fact there are any). Deborah's voice is still hoarse, though, amp; she ate very little, as she has trouble swallowing. I persuaded her to let me do the dishes again. I've been doing them a lot lately.
I didn't have much interest in reading tonight amp; would have preferred sitting around their living room, like we used to do in the past, listening to the radio – Deborah, I'm sure, would have been up for it – but Sarr's gotten into one of his religious kicks lately amp; began mumbling prayers to himself immediately after dinner. Guess he's still worked up after the services here yesterday. Absorbed in his chanting, he made me uncomfortable -1 didn't like his face – amp; so after doing the dishes I left, borrowing the radio for the night.
Walked back here with some rock music playing. It sounded pretty obscene, here in this rural quiet beneath the stars, but somehow once I got inside it seemed to keep the night at bay. Listened to the ads between each song – plugs for car stereos amp; acne cream amp; roadside disco lounges. It all sounded terribly alien out here; what must people like the Brethren make of such stuff? Next I listened to a bit of the news (no mention, alas, of our pathetic little earthquake). Lots of heavy international power politics, crime amp; corruption in New York, blacks amp; Libyans demanding this amp; that, bus drivers threatening a walkout… No wonder the people here despise the outside world; judging from the picture of it you get on the radio, it's as wicked as Sarr claims.
Have been listening to the radio for the past hour or so. Recall the days, not so long ago, when I'd have gotten uptight at having wasted an hour, but out here I'm slowing down, more amp; more, the longer I remain.
… Can't find that goddamned new can of bug spray. I usually keep it right by this table, close at hand, and play Search amp; Destroy each night before turning in. Annoying to think that one of the Poroths took it amp; didn't return it; don't like the idea of their entering my room. The other can's almost empty, but by judiciously using it amp; an old rolled-up Sight amp; Sound (whose cover I'll now have to throw away) I managed to give the place a good going over. Now the room smells of spray amp; I'm exhausted.
Just shut the radio off. I'd be tempted to leave it on all night as I go to sleep, but then you can't hear what's happening outside, and I don't like to be at that sort of disadvantage.
Now that it's quiet, I can hear Sarr praying amp; singing hymns. Odd to think of him doing so alone. I imagine that Deborah must be up there with him, mouthing the words.
July Twenty-sixth
Writing this, breaking habit, in early morning. Was awakened around two or so last night by sounds coming from the woods. A wailing – deeper this time than anything I've heard before – followed by what sounded like a low, guttural monologue, except there seemed to be no words, at least none I could distinguish. Maybe it was another whippoorwill, or a large bullfrog, or even some local poacher on a nightly sortie through the swamp. If frogs could talk… For some reason I fell asleep again before the sounds ended, so I don't know what followed.
This morning's paper had a brief piece about our 'earthquake.' Also had a letter from Carol today. She'll be coming out this weekend -unfortunately with that creepy old Rosie. Don't like the way he's cozied up to her; she practically lives for the guy. Still, it'll be great to see her again. Despite what they say about Lammas Eve, this weekend shouldn't be so unpleasant after all…
From the Hunterdon County Home News, Tuesday, July 26: QUAKE CAUSE STILL UNDETERMINED
Gilead, July 25. – Though this tiny fanning community is located less than ten miles from the Ramapo Fault believed to run from Somerset County to the Hudson, a research team of Princeton University geologists reports that the causes of Sunday afternoon's earth tremor here appear to have been 'independent of the fault.' According to the group's findings, released early today and based upon data collated with other seismographic laboratories in the region, the quake's epicenter was somewhere north of the town. Damage was slight, confined to broken windows and household articles, though farmers report some panicking of herds. The disturbance appears to have been highly localized, affecting only the town and its surroundings; neighboring communities were not aware of it.
Contacted by telephone in Connecticut, vacationing department staffer Dr James Lewalski, director of laboratory facilities, noted that no place on the continent is totally free from such quakes; even New England, he noted, has had 'at least one recorded earth tremor of sizable proportions every year since the founding of the colonies.' Lewalski pooh-poohed the notion that the state might be entering a new earthquake phase not associated with the Ramapo Fault. 'There will always be a few freak quakes whose cause is difficult to pinpoint,' he said, 'but there is at this point no cause for alarm.'
Deborah was able to walk around today amp; spent most of it in the woods picking berries. She came back amp; made us dinner, but it was nothing special. The four new chickens have begun to lay, but we've only had around half a dozen eggs from them since they were purchased; the old hen, after a week of laying soft eggs, has
