some good grub and maybe even one of them magic fingers beds for ole Ben here, then we’ll get to shoveling our piles, all right?”
“Jim Bob,” I said, “I don’t even know you. Did Russel explain what’s going on here?”
“Yeah, he wants to find his son and you want to find out whose brains you blew out and why the cops lied to you and what they’re up to. But that don’t mean we got to stand around here in this sweatbox with this good- looking lady perched on that rotten chair like a parrot. Let’s go on over and get some air-conditioning. I do a lot better thinking when I have a big ole steak under my belt and a couple of cold Lone Stars to ride on top of it. I don’t do my best thinking when I’m hot as a Cuban whore and the place smells like a pig’s favorite corner, and I ain’t knocking pigs cause I own a dozen of them-Yorkshires. But folks, this ain’t headquarters.”
Ann and I followed Jim Bob and Russel over to the Holiday Inn. The Cadillac was impossible to lose, even though the way Jim Bob drove you would have thought he was doing his best to get rid of us. But that damn Caddy stood out like a brushfire from six blocks ahead.
“That bozo’s the private detective?” Ann asked.
“You were expecting Mike Hammer or Jim Rockford?”
“I was expecting someone who could read and write. That moron hasn’t got the sense to get out of the rain, let alone detect. He couldn’t find his ass with both hands and an ass map.”
I laughed.
“It isn’t funny,” Ann said, but she laughed a little. “He’s out to get our money and Russel is along for the ride. They’re both crazy, and we’re crazy as they are.”
“Well, Jim Bob is peculiar.”
“Peculiar. He’s a cracker. A redneck. A loony tune. Did you hear what he said, nigger shack. I hate that word, nigger. I despise it. This is not only crazy, the man we’re in with is a bigot.”
“I didn’t choose their company because they’re such liberated, socially conscious individuals. I didn’t choose Russel at all, and Jim Bob sounded like a good idea at the time. If he’s a yo-yo, I won’t hire him.”
“He considers himself hired, I think,” Ann said. “The Holiday Inn for headquarters? He must think we’ll put him up there. We don’t need a headquarters, and they can sleep in that red monstrosity he drives for a car. Did you see those baby shoes and the dice? Those silly curb feelers?”
“You don’t criticize the blacks and the Mexicans for their dice and baby shoes,” I said, and wished I hadn’t said it. She didn’t speak to me all the rest of the way to the Holiday Inn.
21
We ate at the Holiday Inn restaurant, or rather Jim Bob did. The rest of us had tea and coffee and Ann had a slice of apple pie. Jim Bob ordered steak and baked potato and all the trimmings, and when he took his first bite of steak he waved the waitress over and told her, “Honey, take this cow on back and finish killing it. Set the little buddy on fire for about three more minutes then bring it back to me.”
While Jim Bob waited on the steak, he and Russel talked about old times, and laughed. Ann and I felt a little limp, as if we had gone to the wrong party.
When Jim Bob’s steak came back he thanked the waitress and ordered a Lone Star Light. “Got to watch my girlish figure,” and he went at his food with gusto, saying, “Brain food.”
“Then you better eat plenty of it,” Ann said.
I looked at her. Russel looked at her. Jim Bob looked at her, and laughed. “Ain’t that the damned truth,” he said.
“Pass that salad dressing. The one that looks like someone threw up in the bottle.”
Ann looked at him blankly and passed the dressing. Well, Jim Bob wasn’t easy to insult, and I had a feeling that was because he’d had plenty of practice dodging catty remarks.
“Now, what we have here,” Jim Bob said, “is a real strange situation. And whatever is going on, the cops are in on it. And I figure that new tan Ford that followed us from across the highway after we left that sleaze motel is a cop car, and the fella that parked it out in the lot and come in here when we did and is sitting over there drinking his twelfth cup of coffee and rereading the sports section for the third time is a cop. Cops and cop cars go together, as the little ole man said. Whatever you people have put your feet in, it’s deep stuff.”
“You don’t know that’s a cop,” Ann said.
“No, ma’am, I don’t. But I figure it is, and I figure pretty good. Wouldn’t have been in this line of work long as I have if I didn’t. And if you feel a little hostile to me, that’s all right, sister. I don’t blame you. I know Ben here, and after what he’s done you’re connecting me with him. We’re friends, but we’re separate, and what he did was a killing offense. I’d have killed him myself. But we’re past that. Ben was a little crazy, but now he’s right as rain, or as right as he gets. So we’re gonna work together, or let’s just get this over so I can take ole Ben back to Houston for a three-day drunk and see if I can get him a job somewhere. What say? We gonna work together or not?”
“I didn’t say anything about any of that,” Ann said.
“Well, you did and you didn’t. What’s it gonna be, Mr. and Mrs. Dane?”
I looked at Ann.
Ann said, “All right. The man over there is a policeman, and we’ll work together.”
“Good,” Jim Bob said. “What we’re gonna have to do first is go out there and dig up that fella you shot.”
“What?” I said.
“You heard me. I want to be sure that the dead fella isn’t Freddy. I know what you’ve said, and I don’t think you’re a liar, but you could be wrong. He could have changed a lot. The color of the eyes you could have been wrong about. I’ve dealt with a lot of eyewitnesses, and what they remember ain’t always how it was. In your case, you may not want that ole burglar to be Freddy, but it could be.”
“No way,” I said.
“That’s the rules,” Jim Bob said. “We start there. If it is Freddy, then we figure why they let Ben out so easy and take it from there. If it ain’t Freddy, we play another angle. And let me add this.” He looked at Russel. “If it is Freddy, and if you’re still thinking you got to hurt Mr. Dane or his family here, well, Ben, ole hoss, I’ll just have to blow your brains out and put you in the hole with him and cover you up. Got me?”
Russel grinned at him. “I may not let you.”
“We can always hope we don’t have to find that out, can’t we?”
“Yeah,” Russel said. “I wouldn’t want to kill you, Jim Bob, we been friends too long.”
“It would pain me too. Killing you or getting killed by you, so let’s just hope that don’t come up.”
“It won’t. If it’s Freddy, then I’ll accept he was burglarizing Dane’s house and Dane had to kill him.” Russel looked at me. “I know now you didn’t just shoot him unarmed and plant a gun. You aren’t like that.”
“My, haven’t we gotten to be chummy,” Ann said.
“And little lady,” Jim Bob said, “you keep that sarcastic edge, cause we’re gonna need it to keep us sharp. Now, let me finish up this feast, then I’d like to get Ben and me checked into a room. Mr. and Mrs. Dane, y’all go on home and I’ll call you. And if you’re starting to sweat a little bit in the pocketbook and wondering what I’m gonna cost you, it’sst s, I like this. Three hundred dollars a day, no expenses. I cut that cause I know Ben. As for the stay at the Holiday Inn for me and Ben, I got that covered. If that sounds steep to you, don’t know what to tell you. That’s the price. I don’t just do this for my health and I ain’t so friendly to Ben here I’ll do it for free.”
“That’s all right,” I said.
“It’s high,” Ann said.
“It’ll do,” I said.
Jim Bob laughed. “Don’t you just love women? They can squeeze a dollar till it farts-no offense ma’am. Listen, you two go home and I’ll call you when I want you. I won’t give details over the phone. I’ll just call and you come here and we’ll talk in person. Way this is shaping up, could be something big and nasty going on here, and if that’s the case, they’re out at your place tapping the phones right now.”
I thought about that and couldn’t really imagine it. It sounded too much like one of those bad made-for- television movies.
“If the fella over there follows you out and follows you home, don’t pay him no mind. It don’t mean a thing. Or he might have a buddy follow you. But you just go home and wait. Got me?”
