Pacific. And, he supposed, the explosion of a condom on Nantucket can cause an October freeze in Georgetown fifteen years later.
At the time, they handled the situation surprisingly well. He was sensitive, caring, understanding. She was thoughtful, mature, and decisive.
He said it was her choice all the way. He believed, then as a man, and now as a judge, that the woman had all the votes. There was no talk of marriage. After all, they barely knew each other. But if she chose to have the child, he promised to be there for them both. He’d visit, bring birthday presents, pay for everything right up through college. He gave himself an A for his hypothetical parenting skills, which she reminded him, were considerably greater than his actual contraception skills.
The abortion was quick and apparently without incident. Well, not without psychological incident. Connie became depressed. He felt guilty. He’d never heard the term back then, but now he supposed they were snared in a codependent relationship. He wouldn’t leave her, not like that. He was captured in the web of her moodiness, sinking in the quicksand of her unfulfilled needs.
They were married six months later, and the artificiality of the closeness that carried them through the abortion soon evaporated. For reasons neither they nor the doctors could understand, this healthy, athletic, screw- every-damn-night couple could not conceive. Several years later they learned that the abortion had caused an infection, which scarred her Fallopian tubes.
Complicating their lives, hanging over them like an unseen ghost, was the child they never had. They did not even create an illusion, a fantasy child to sustain them like the playwright Albee’s ineffectual George and vicious Martha, locked in a perpetual embrace of psychological cruelty. Their life together had begun with the act of conceiving an unwanted child on the shore of an ocean, and in what Sam’s Southern Baptist relatives would have considered an act of biblical retribution, they cried a sea of tears trying to duplicate the feat.
“Do you know what really angers me?” she asked, finally.
Everything, he thought.
“The fact that you don’t see the connection between your words and the source of your feelings,” she answered herself.
He had to get out of there. The bedroom was growing smaller by the minute. He stood and tried to escape, squeezing between his wife and the bed, banging his shin into an open vanity drawer.
“Damn! Plessy versus Ferguson! ” When he was angry, Truitt tried to confine his profanity to the names of horrific Supreme Court decisions. Sopchoppy responded with a quiet woof.
“I told you this house was too small,” she said as he fled, hopping on one foot.
The Truitts’ two-hundred-year-old farmhouse near Waltham was ten times larger, Connie frequently reminded him. They had eighteen gently rolling acres with a stream on one side of the property and a duck pond on the other. But Connie was unhappy there, too, always complaining that the house was too big, too drafty, too old, too far from Boston.
Washington was going to be their move to the city. Embassy parties, dinner at Citronelle, shopping for antiques.
Sam Truitt cared nothing for black tie dinners or sauteed foie gras with poached figs in port wine sauce. His tastes were simpler, preferring cut-off jeans and a meal of plain grilled snapper and boiled swamp cabbage, a legacy of growing up in Everglades City. It took him thirty years to find out that his momma’s swamp cabbage was called heart of palm when served in fancy restaurants, including The Palm, and an appetizer portion could set you back eight bucks. He used to eat about a pound of the concoction for supper. His mother, a Florida Cracker, would slice open a palm tree with a machete and cook the fibrous meat with sow’s belly or ham hock in a fifty-five-gallon drum on an open fire. They’d eat, year-round, at a picnic table under a live oak tree, zebra butterflies flapping over their heads, causing typhoons in Tonga, he now supposed.
Washington was also going to rejuvenate the marriage, and who knows, maybe lead to a magical fertility that had escaped them farther north. So far, all it had accomplished was to bring them into closer confinement.
Two scorpions in a shoe box.
He preferred the open spaces of the wetlands where he grew up. Connie insisted on referring to the Everglades as “the swamp,” despite his insistence that it was really a slow-moving freshwater river some sixty miles wide. Just after his nomination to the Court last spring, he returned to Florida for “Sam Truitt” day, which the local weekly termed the largest celebration the town had ever seen, if you didn’t count the annual seafood festival. The volunteer fire department led a parade, with the high school band playing off-key Sousa. A chugging John Deere tractor hauled Sam and Connie down Conch Avenue on a float with papier-mache pillars representing the Supreme Court, Connie choking on the diesel fumes that hung in the humid air.
In the sweltering Fishermen’s Hall, Truitt made a speech, tracing his success to values learned in the sloughs and creeks of the Ten Thousand Islands, and Connie stood there in a yellow sundress, fanning herself with a commemorative poster, complaining about the heat, picking over the supper of fried catfish, hush puppies, and key lime pie-washed down with sugar-laden iced tea. Later, manhandling bottles of tequila, Truitt and some of the good ole boys, now leathery fishermen with scarred hands and squinty eyes, swapped lies about their youth and who built the fastest airboat from broken airplane propellers and old Chevy engines.
Truitt hadn’t been home since his mother’s funeral eight years earlier. His father had died three years before that. This time, as he clasped hands and slapped shoulders of old friends and acquaintances, he kept an eye on Connie, studying her discomfort. While he felt at home, she looked afraid of stepping in something squishy and repulsive.
That night in their motel room, as they settled onto opposite sides of the lumpy bed, Connie said, “I didn’t know I’d married Huck Finn.”
“Yes you did,” he replied.
Sam Truitt knew that Connie would have been happier married to a real estate developer who made millions building condos in protected wetlands, or an investment banker who knew the value of the deutsche mark when the markets opened each day-anyone whose net worth equaled her appetite for consumption.
To Truitt, status was achieved by deeds, not dollars. His love of the law was paramount over building a net worth. It also took priority over personal relations, something he acknowledged as a flaw in his character. When they first moved to Washington, he realized that he was more concerned about the needs of migrant workers than those of his newly migrated wife.
He accepted the fact that Connie grew less affectionate each year. Hell, he deserved it. Sam Truitt was, after all, a man who had difficulty expressing his emotions, much less fulfilling the emotional needs of another person. Who could blame Connie if she longed for a man who would pamper his wife instead of illegal aliens?
So Sam Truitt understood half a dozen years earlier when she had her first affair, with the tennis pro at the club, of all the mundane cliches. He responded with an affair of his own, an adoring law student, in violation of university rules and his own ethics. I’ll see your cliche and raise you another. They weathered those storms and stayed together.
At first, Connie had seemed happy when he received the Supreme Court appointment. No more faculty teas with their dreary gossip washed down by watery punch. Life in Washington would be different. But she must have been thinking of her father’s social whirl as a senator, always making the rounds of chic parties and Georgetown dinners. She was not prepared for the more monastic life of a Supreme Court justice. Boredom set in quickly. After not having worked for years, Connie began an interior decorating business. Now, her fondest hope was for the defeat of the Democratic president in the next election, both to punish him for appointing her husband, and to bring wealthy Republicans to town with an insatiable desire to redecorate.
His shin still throbbing, a truce having been declared by his retreat from the bedroom, Truitt was sitting at the small desk in the study when he heard Connie’s voice. “Did you hire the third law clerk, Sam?”
“Yes,” he called back, as he thumbed through the briefs for the first oral argument of the new term. “She’s a real winner. Lisa Premont.”
“Tell me about her.” Connie was moving around in the bedroom. They were talking to each other now separated by the landing at the top of the stairs-and years of missed connections.
“She’s from the West Coast. Berkeley, Stanford, then a year clerking on the D.C. circuit.”
“A California beach bunny?”
“She’s a fisherman’s daughter and smart as hell.”
“I’ll bet she’s pretty.”
