Each day, the prisoner is locked in his cell at noon. He will stay there until seven-thirty the next morning. At seven-thirty, upon leaving his cell, he is given breakfast. Breakfast is a substance approximately the same color and consistency of the substance it will become when it is ready to leave his body later in the day. The smell of the food is different from the smell of the stuff that winds up in the bucket, but is equally inspiring.
After breakfast, there is work for about half the prisoners. Hard labor is what the prisoner hopes for at Parish Prison. Only the fittest are allowed work; the rest are placed in a large guarded room where the prisoner does nothing. There, he sits. He plays cards. He argues about things that don’t matter. He talks about women. He talks about murder, rape, and assorted petty crimes. He laughs for no good reason. He boils from the inside out. He tries not to think. And thinking is all that he has.
65 hours a week are spent in the big room doing nothing. 103 hours a week are spent in the total darkness of the cell.
In one year, 5,356 hours are spent in the dark. 3,380 hours are spent on a bench in the big room doing nothing.
This is why morphine is in demand at Parish Prison.
Many of the prisoners have arrived with morphine habits, but many more will leave with them. You would think it would be the other way around.
The prison infirmary buys its various medical supplies, including morphine, from a drug firm owned by the warden’s brother-in-law. There is good money to be made in prison pharmaceuticals. The pills are supposed to vary in strength so that the dosage can be decreased over time, gradually weaning the addict off the drug. This is a basic principle of rehabilitation. But the tablets do not vary in strength-in fact, the addict is given considerably more than he needs. Addicts only want their pain to go away, they don’t want to die-so there are extra tablets floating around Parish Prison. They are like currency here.
5,356 hours in the dark. 3,380 hours doing nothing. One year.
Dark + Nothing =?
In Parish Prison,
? = Little White Pills.
Antonio Carolla developed his morphine addiction at Parish Prison like so many others, but he is lucky. He has only been here for twenty-one weeks. He has not been convicted of any crime and was formally acquitted yesterday. Today he goes home to his wife Anabella and their one-year-old son Dominick. He knows the love of his little family will help him find the strength to beat the morphine in his blood. He knows Anabella’s good Sicilian cooking will put the meat back on his bones. But first he has to get out of this place.
He is sitting in the dark now. Waiting.
Chapter seven. Run
There’s a dull throb in Antonio’s head, an echo of this morning’s white tablet. Reaching down, he feels around for the tiny goat skin pouch he keeps tucked at the insole of his left shoe. Pulls it out. Empties the contents into his right hand. By sense of touch he counts how many pills are left. There are two. He closes his hand around them. His most recent dose still dances at the fringes of his mind; he will save these for later.
A dull roar creeps into his cell. He assumes it’s an effect of morphine, but it’s actually the sound of shouting voices-in the thousands-outside the prison. The faint sound of gunfire crackles from beyond the walls of his cell as the barred doors of the prison begin slamming open, slamming shut; prisoners shouting, some in Sicilian, some in English, some in French. Antonio senses he will not be leaving Parish Prison today after all. In his heart, he knows it.
In consideration of this, he changes his mind about the two remaining pills. He swallows them quickly and washes them down with his own spit; they scrape down his dry throat painfully. This, he imagines, will numb the pain of whatever the mob winds up doing to him if it is not done quickly. It may even distract him from closely considering the inevitable.
He lies down on the cot. Thinks of his son, Dominick. Reaches up to the section of stone to his right where, twenty-one weeks ago, he etched his son’s name with a sharpened spoon. Touching the letters brings a weak smile to his lips. Dom is a very bright and handsome boy. The morphine amplifies the wonderful memory of Dom’s face, the way it used to light up when his father came home from the docks each night. Antonio knows he will not see his son’s beautiful face again. His head spins from the morphine-Dominick and Anabella spin along for the ride. He does not cry. He is Sicilian. He will be strong for them. Even if they are only in his head.
Outside his cell door there is the sound of labored breathing. A key jangles in the lock. The door slams open.
“
The shouting comes from the guard called Beauregard, an African black as coal. Antonio has never heard Beauregard’s voice in this excited tone and so barely recognizes it. It is usually slow, deep and smooth but now it is shrill and fevered. Beauregard only says the one word over and over, but still, Antonio doesn’t understand. Then, finally, variation:
“You in here, Tonio? Answer, dammit!”
“Yeah.” Beauregard negotiates Antonio’s location on the cot by tracing his voice through the dark.
“Dammit, you stupid dago-wop, get offa that damn cot and get movin’! You got some visitors comin’ that you don’t
“GO! Guh-GO! Guh-GO! GO! Guh-GO!”
Something about the crazy rhythm of the stutter brings Antonio to his feet, legs rubbery from morphine and fear. He discovers he is exhausted though he hasn’t significantly moved in hours. His own voice echoes off the walls of the cell, the sound of it detached-as if from a mouth other than his own: “Where…go?” Stupid-sounding echo.
“I don’t know, dammit!
Antonio obeys, makes to leave his cell, bumps into Beauregard as he passes, mutters, “pardon.” He is moving fast, but not too fast. The hallway is long and black-he has to brush his hands along the walls to find his way. After about forty steps, he reaches a familiar “T” in the hall-he knows this particular intersection. He knows that going right will lead him to the Big Room Where Prisoners Do Nothing 3,380 hours a year.
He goes left.
The shouting is louder now, but he can’t tell if it is behind or before him. The stone and mortar of the prison hallway carries echoes funny, and the morphine makes it a carnival game. His recent double dose is kicking in hard now, raging and leaping in his brain. Antonio is running wildly through the hall, running without touching the walls for guidance, flailing his arms before him.
Antonio Carolla’s eyes need more than what they are getting. They don’t dare hope for light, but they do hope for variation in blackness, a slight difference in shade, a hint of depth. His pupils struggle to widen, convinced that if they can widen a bit more they may snatch up some elusive optic information. But there is no information for them to snatch. It is so damned dark in here. So goddamned dark.
Shouting is louder now. Voices closer. Without warning: information of the eye does appear.
The black carnival game of the prison hallway has acquired a slight orange glow. Antonio
