he had been struck by a slaughterhouse hammer.
At some point it overwhelmed me, and I began retching. I had seen death before, just a year ago in fact, but this was different. The last time I had been struggling just to survive, and I passed out as soon as the battle was over. The bodies had been removed before I saw them. This time they were fresh before me, and their deaths had been particularly brutal. There’s nothing quite like seeing a man’s brains on the ground to drive the point home.
Even worse, I had done it without being in any real danger myself. Sure I hadn’t realized how lethally effective my stones were, but I had picked them off calmly, one by one. They hadn’t had a chance. Eventually my stomach was empty and I realized Penny was stroking my back sympathetically.
“It’s not your fault,” she said softly.
Like hell it wasn’t. I knew what I had done, and now I realized even better what I had done a year before. I had killed over a hundred men then and hardly given it a second thought. If her vision was true I would do so again, many times over in all likelihood. I straightened up, spitting to clear my mouth. “It’s a good thing I’ve got you.”
“I’m sorry I didn’t tell you Mort. I thought you were losing your mind. I would have done anything to stop it,” her face was full of concern.
More than anything I wanted to accept her apology, to make up. I needed her love more than ever, but I was full of self-loathing at what I had done. It would have been so easy to let go of it. But I also knew death was coming for me, and I would do worse things before the end. I had the beginnings of a plan… to get rid of the bond before the end came, to save her. I would be doing her no favor by reinforcing her love for me, not when she would be left behind.
“That’s not what I mean,” I pushed her hand away. The hurt expression on her face was almost more than I could bear, so I looked away and then walked back to the road leaving her standing there. Once my back was to her I spoke again, “I mean it’s a good thing I’ve got you to finish me off… if I turn into a monster.” I headed back to our camp without waiting to see if she was following. I didn’t trust myself to speak again.
Chapter 17
Back at the remains of our campsite Marc was chatting amiably with Cyhan. The large fighter was still buried almost to his neck, so he didn’t have much choice in the matter. I might have felt sorry for him but Marc was an excellent storyteller. I doubted he had been bored.
“How was it? Is the road clear?” asked Marc.
“It is now,” I said bluntly. I didn’t bother asking Cyhan if he would behave, with a few words I opened the earth up around him so he could climb out. I figured he was pragmatic enough to let bygones be bygones, now that the situation was resolved. “Let’s get moving. We have a long day ahead of us.”
The large man looked me over carefully as he came up out of the hole. A tense moment followed as I waited to see what he would do. “You sure it’s wise letting me out after that?” he asked calmly.
“I did what I needed to do,” I answered. “I don’t see the need to make an issue of it. Would you prefer to go back in the hole?” Despite my bravado I was working hard to keep my voice even.
“At least you’re learning,” he answered me.
“Learning what?”
“Not to waste your time attacking me with your fists. You didn’t hesitate, and you effectively neutralized my ability to threaten you with a minimum of effort,” he dusted some of the dirt from his clothing. “If you were my student I would be pleased.”
“And since I’m not your student?”
“I’ll make sure you don’t get the chance next time,” he gave me a wicked grin. A smile on the big man was unusual and sight of his teeth made me uneasy, bringing to mind images of a dangerous animal.
A short while later we were riding down the road, mules in tow. When we got to the site of the slaughter Cyhan insisted on stopping to examine the bodies. I didn’t bother arguing. They should know what sort of man they were traveling with anyway. Marc joined him but Penny stayed on her horse, she had seen enough already. Neither of us spoke.
When the two of them returned I could see the shock on Marc’s face but Cyhan was more reserved. “I’ve never seen anything quite like that,” the veteran commented. “What did you use?”
“Rocks,” I pulled one out of my pouch and flipped it in his direction. He caught it deftly.
“Where did you get that idea?” he asked.
“I have an active imagination.” Sarcasm is one of my strong suits.
“Some of them looked like they were running.”
“I thought they might have friends,” I said simply. I wasn’t about to show him any of my self-doubt.
“Maybe,” he said. “Some of them definitely had families; by their gear and clothing I could tell a few of them were guardsmen from the city.”
Guilt shot through me, thinking of their wives and children, but I fought it down. “They should have picked a better way to make extra money.” He grunted but didn’t say anything else.
We rode in silence after that. Marc tried to start up a conversation a few times but even he couldn’t overcome the dark cloud that hung over us. Penelope refused to even acknowledge his questions. Cyhan was less reticent but he wouldn’t respond with anything more than one syllable answers. Marc didn’t bother trying to engage me.
That evening we made camp without having encountered any more people on the road. Penny sparred with her teacher and even I could see she was starting to improve. She had a serious intensity about her now. After we had eaten Cyhan suggested she take watch with me. In his own way I suppose he was trying to give us an opportunity to make up.
“I’d rather not,” she said simply, and that was that.
Once my turn at watch was done I slept restlessly. I woke often, dreaming of the men I had slain. At one point I even dreamt of the stone lady. She was looking down on the bodies of the men I had killed. Slowly she moved from one to the next, leaning down to put her hand on their chests. As she touched each one the earth drew them down, until they were no longer visible. When she finished she looked at me and I could see tears in her eyes, glimmering crystals that fell endlessly to the still earth. She opened her mouth to speak to me but I couldn’t hear her words. She was at once both beautiful and sorrowful. Though I couldn’t hear her it seemed she was pleading with me, asking for something, but whatever it was I knew it was no longer in my power to give.
I woke suddenly, sweating. Glancing around the camp I saw Penny sitting next to Cyhan. They were talking softly, and he had his arm around her shoulder. He was probably trying to make her feel better but the sight kindled a dark fire in my belly. I closed my eyes to shut out the sight. It wasn’t my concern anymore anyway. She would need someone after I was gone. Assuming I could manage to find a way to get rid of our accursed bond.
Dawn came early, as it usually did. We broke camp quickly and set off down the road. Birds were singing and there was a mild breeze, which carried the pleasant smells of flowers and growing things to my nose. In short it was a miserable day. I’ve never understood why Mother Nature was so clueless with regard to my moods. Women were supposed to have excellent intuition after all. Then again I had long suspected Mother Nature was a bitch by choice.
Penny seemed to have recovered from our fight the day before. She was chatting amiably with Marc, a relief for him I’m sure. It had never been easy for him to be silent. Even Cyhan seemed more sociable, today he had increased the length of his responses from one syllable to several words. Sometimes he even put forth the effort to use whole sentences.
All in all, the lively atmosphere served to highlight my antisocial behavior. At one point Marc rose closer and after a moment I realized he was speaking to me.
“What?” I asked. I hadn’t been paying attention.
He sighed dramatically, “I was asking if you’re looking forward to getting back home.”
“Not particularly,” I replied. The thought of home just reminded me that I had broken things off with Penny. My bed would seem extremely empty after more than a year of sharing it with her.
“So what are you brooding about?” he inquired.
