20
The answer to that was a resounding yes, but she’d gone ahead and done it anyway. When Doug arrived at her flat forty minutes later he surveyed the three of them and said levelly, What a mess.’
Lola really hoped he didn’t mean her. If she said so herself, she was looking pretty good.
‘You’re telling me.’ Gabe’s tone was curt. ‘Have you seen what your sister’s done to my flat?’
‘I don’t need to. I can guess. She’s not what you’d call tidy,’ said Doug with heroic understatement.
‘And she’s a liar.’ Gabe turned to Sally and said accusingly, ‘When we spoke on the phone, you told me you were completely trustworthy’
‘I am!’
‘You promised you were super-housetrained.’
‘Oh God, you’re so picky.’ Sally rolled her eyes. ‘That’s just what people say when they want to rent somewhere. Like when you go for a job interview, you have to act all enthusiastic and tell everyone you’re a really hard worker. If you said you were a lazy toad who’d be late for your own funeral, they wouldn’t take you on, would they?’
Gabe threw his hands up in the air. ‘So you lied.’
‘It wasn’t a lie. Just a little fib. It’s not against the law to be untidy.’
Gabe addressed Doug. ‘I just want her out.’
‘I can see that,’ said Doug. ‘Right, tell me exactly what’s going on.’
When they’d finished explaining the situation, Doug looked at Lola and said, ‘So basically this is all your fault.’
‘Oh, of course it is. I do my best to help people out and this is what happens, this is the thanks I get.’
‘Legally’ Doug turned to the others, ‘either of you can cause untold hassle to the other. If you ask me, that’s a waste of everyone’s time and money. Shall we go and take a look at the flat now?’
‘Everyone put on their anti-contamination suits,’ said Gabe.
Over in Gabe’s formerly pristine living room, now awash with magazines and clothes and abandoned food and make-up, Doug nodded sagely. ‘Oh yes, this is familiar.’
Defiantly Sally said, ‘But it’s still not an arrestable offence.’
‘What I don’t understand,’ Lola was puzzled, ‘is when I came to the house in Barnes, your bedroom was fine. Completely normal.’
‘That’s because I have a mother who nags for England.’ Sally heaved a sigh. ‘And because she has two cleaners who barge in and tidy my room every day. Which is why I was so keen to get out of there.’ Glaring defiantly at Gabe she added, ‘And why I’m defmitely not going back.’
‘How many bedrooms here?’ Doug was exploring the flat. ‘Two?’
There was a pause.
‘I hope you’re not thinking what I think you’re thinking,’ said Gabe.
AC Doug shrugged. ‘Do you have any better ideas?’
‘I have a very much better idea,’ Gabe retorted. ‘She’s your sister. You can take her home with you.’
‘Not a chance. Lola, could you have her?’
Sally complained. ‘You’re making me sound like a delinquent dog.’
‘Trust me,’ Gabe gestured around the room in disgust, ‘a delinquent dog wouldn’t make this much mess.’
‘I would take her.’ Keen though she was to scramble into Doug’s good books, Lola couldn’t quite bring herself to make the ultimate sacrifice and thankfully had a get-out clause. ‘But I’ve only got the one bedroom.’
‘Fine. So you two,’ Doug turned back to Gabe and Sally, ‘have a choice.You either hire yourselves a couple of solicitors to slug it out or you give flat-sharing a go for a couple of weeks.’
‘I can’t believe this is happening to me.’The stubble on Gabe’s chin rasped as he rubbed his hands over his face.
‘You never know,’ Lola said hopefully. ‘It might work out better than you think.’
‘Ha! I’ll end up strangling her, then I’ll be arrested and slung in prison, then neither of us’ll end up living here.’ As he said the word prison, Gabe winced and looked apologetically at Lola.
‘Sorry.’
‘Right, decision time.’ Doug pointed to Sally. ‘Would you be willing to give it a try?’
Huffily she said, ‘Oh great, be chopped up into tiny pieces and hidden tidily away in a black bin bag. Just what I always wanted.’
‘So you’d prefer a solicitor. Expensive,’ mused Doug. ‘That’s a lot of shoes.’
You had to admire his style. Sally was now looking like a sulky fourth-former being told her homework wasn’t up to scratch. Lola kept a straight face as Sally shrugged and said, ‘I don’t see why I should, but I suppose I could give sharing a go for a couple of weeks.’
Doug swung back to Gabe. ‘But you still want to stick with the legal route, or ... ?’
What a pro. He was like an auctioneer juggling bids. Entranced by his masterful air, Lola watched and held her breath.
