‘I mean, it’s water off a duck’s back as far as I’m concerned. Sometimes I’ll take her advice,’
Blythe went on, ‘and sometimes I won’t. But that’s because I’m her mother. I’m used to her.’
‘Whereas it hasn’t been so easy for you, Malcolm, has it?’ The presenter’s voice softened.
‘Criticism like that can be quite hurtful, can’t it?’
Stunned, Lola said, ‘But I didn’t criticise him! I didn’t!’
‘Oh no, no, Blythe’s daughter has never criticised me. At least not to my face,’ Malcolm said hastily. ‘She’s a lovely girl, very polite. I just felt a bit lacking in the, um, sartorial department, I suppose. Getting dressed up and making the most of myself has never been my forte. And I want Lola to think well of me because ... well, because I think a great deal of her mother.’
Lola’s throat tightened. She couldn’t speak, couldn’t swallow.
The twinkly-eyed presenter, addressing the camera, said, ‘So, Lola, I know you aren’t watching at this moment because you’re at work and Malcolm and Blythe didn’t tell you they were going to be doing this today, but if you do happen to see a recording of this programme I’m sure you’ll agree that Malcolm and your mum have scrubbed up a treat! They both look wonderful. If you ask me, your mum’s a lucky lady to have found herself such a very caring and thoughtful man.’
‘Here,’ murmured Doug. Lola took the handkerchief and wiped her eyes.
‘And after the break,’ the presenter continued cheerfully, ‘we’ll be talking to a husband and wife who have both undergone sex changes, and who’ll be joining us here in the studio with their daughter who until two years ago was their son!’
‘There you go.’ Doug half smiled. ‘Things could be worse.’
‘I’m so ashamed.’ Lola sniffed hard, because being lent a hankie and dabbing away tears was one thing but blowing your nose in it was altogether less dainty.
‘So that’s your mum’s boyfriend, the one you don’t like.’
‘I don’t dislike him. I just thought Mum could do better.’ Sniff. ‘I thought she was settling for Malcolm because he was easy.
She didn’t mean easy in that sense — yeuch, perish the thought. ‘He seems like a nice chap.’
‘He is. I just couldn’t s-stand the beard.’ Lola gave up and blew her nose noisily into the hanky.
‘And now everyone knows how shallow I am.They’re all going to think I’m a really horrible p- person.’
For a moment she thought Dougie might put his arms around her, reassure her that she really wasn’t horrible, maybe even drop a consoling kiss on her forehead. Instead the annoying salesman reappeared and said to Doug, ‘Is she finished here? Can I change the channel back now?’
‘Sorry, yes, thanks very much.’ Realising that most of the customers in the vicinity were watching them, Doug gathered himself and checked his watch. ‘Come on.’ He gave Lola’s shoulder a tap and said lightly, ‘Let’s get you back to the hospital before the nurses find out you’ve escaped.’
Blythe had washed her hair and changed out of the grown-up leaf-green suit. In her purple flowery top and pinstriped skirt and with the glossy, poker-straight blow-dry a thing of the past, she looked like herself again.
‘Wasn’t it awful? I felt like a clone!’ Hugging Lola, she said, ‘And the eyeliner! Never again!’
Malcolm, following Blythe into Lola’s flat, said, ‘She’s been going on about that blessed eyeliner all day.’
‘It’s all right for you,’ Blythe retorted, ‘you didn’t have to wear it.’
‘Maybe not, but I still had to go into make-up, didn’t I? Base, they put on my face.’ Malcolm shook his head in bafflement. ‘And powder! That was a first, I can tell you. Felt like Danny La Rue!’
‘Malcolm, I’m so sorry.’ Lola moved past her mother to greet him with a hug and a kiss on his freshly shaven cheek. ‘I never meant to make you feel bad about yourself ... I’m so ashamed ...’
‘Oh, there there, no need to apologise.’ Embarrassed, Malcolm said bashfully, ‘The thing is, you were right. I even knew it myself, just didn’t have the nerve to try and change things on my own.
When you’ve had a beard for twenty years you kind of get used to it. If anything,’ he told Lola,
‘I’m grateful to you for telling your mother I looked a fright.’
Ouch.
‘You look fantastic now.’ She stepped back and gazed at him, meaning every word.
‘He does, doesn’t he?’ Blythe nodded in agreement.
‘I’ve got rid of all my old jumpers,’ Malcolm said proudly. ‘The fashion woman told me to throw out anything with a pattern on it, and I have.’
‘She said that to me too,’ Blythe chimed in. ‘And I told her to take a running jump.’
‘We went to Marks and Spencer’s this afternoon and bought loads of new clothes. The fashion woman wrote me out a list. She said I shouldn’t wear sandals any more either.’
Lola decided she loved the fashion woman with all her heart. ‘Well, anyway, thank you for being so nice about it. And why are we still standing out here in the hallway? Come on in.’
‘Sorry, love, we can’t stop.’ Blythe beamed. ‘We only dropped by to show ourselves off to you.
Well,’ she amended, ‘so that Malcolm could show himself off to you and I could let you see that I’m back to normal. We’ve got to get to the pub — it’s quiz night and everyone’s dying to hear about our time at the TV studios.’
