Don’t you ever read it?’
‘No.’ Pulling a face, Janey followed Paula’s index finger and read the rest of the advert. ‘ 'I am a good-looking male, thirty-four, with a whacky sense of humour.' Hmm, probably means he’s into serious spanking. 'Fun-loving partner required, five feet three or under.' Ah, so he’s an extremely short spanker. 'Age, looks and marital status unimportant.' That means he’s totally desperate.’
‘OK,’ said Paula, conceding the point. ‘He doesn’t sound great, I’ll admit.’
‘Great? He sounds like a nerd.’
‘But they aren’t all like that. How about this one? 'Divorced male, forty, own home and car, new to the area. Likes dining out, theatre, tennis, long walks ...' What’s wrong with him?’
Janey said unforgivingly, ‘BO I expect.’
‘Don’t be mean! Why are you so suspicious?’
‘I don’t know.’ She shrugged. ‘If he’s so terrific, why does he need to advertise in the Lonely Hearts?’
‘He’s new to the area and he doesn’t want to cruise the bars picking up girls,’ said Paula, springing to his defence. ‘Because the type of girl he likes doesn’t hang around bars waiting to be picked up. There’s nothing weird or sinister about advertising in the Personals,’ she added firmly. ‘Sometimes it’s just the most sensible thing to do.’
Janey had never thought of it like that. Neither would she ever have imagined that Paula would argue the case so strongly. Her curiosity aroused, she said, ‘Have you done this kind of thing yourself?’
‘No, but a friend of mine tried it once. And it worked for her.’
‘What happened?’
The younger girl broke into a grin. ‘She met a tall blond airline pilot. Within six weeks, they were married. And they’re amazingly happy.’ Paula, who could give Maxine a run for her money where bluntness was concerned, added, ‘You should try it.’
Startled, Janey laughed aloud. ‘Me?’
‘It’s been two years now since Alan ... disappeared.’ Paula fixed her with a steady gaze. ‘I know it’s been hard for you, but you really should be starting to think about the rest of your life.
You’re only twenty-eight, Janey. You need to start going out, meeting new people ... having fun...’
‘And you seriously think this is the answer?’ Deeply sceptical, Janey said, ‘That by answering a few crazy adverts in the local paper I’ll change my life?’
‘I don’t know.’ Paula, having made her point, crossed her fingers beneath the counter and prayed that Janey would never find out she’d made up the fairytale romance between her friend and the pilot. Reaching for the paper and returning her attention to the crossword, she added casually, ‘But if you don’t try it, you’ll never know. Now, have a look at fourteen across. Do you think it could be pfennig?’
Paula had a way of saying things which stuck in the mind. As she tackled a pile of ironing that evening, Janey found herself recalling their earlier conversation and beginning to wonder if she had a point after all. Having overcome her initial misgivings, she now conceded that for some people, circumstances beyond their control made it hard for them to socialize in the traditional manner. When she’d pressed Paula for further details about her friend, for example, she’d explained that as an airline pilot, Alistair had been so busy flying all over the world, he simply hadn’t had time to meet any girls in his own country. Not interested in the air hostesses with whom he worked, he had placed an advert instead, in Time Out, and received sixty-seven replies. The first date hadn’t worked out and Geraldine, Paula’s friend, had been the second.
True love had blossomed almost instantaneously and the remaining sixty-five females hadn’t had a look- in.
Janey hadn’t believed this story for a moment. Even if Paula hadn’t own-goaled herself, calling the pilot Alistair one minute and Alexander the next, she would have seen through the enormous fib, but that didn’t mean it couldn’t happen. Janey herself had read magazine articles detailing such meetings and subsequent marriages. Paula had undoubtedly been right when she’d declared that sometimes it was simply the most sensible thing to do.
Abandoning the ironing before she wrecked something she was particularly fond of, Janey switched on the kettle. Her stomach was rumbling and she could have murdered a bowl of spaghetti but the cream cakes that afternoon had probably used up her calorie quota for the next three weeks.
Gloomily surveying the contents of the fridge, she set about making herself a boring salad sandwich instead.
‘Widower, 62, seeks the company of a lively lady 4560, for friendship and old-time dancing. Resilient toes an absolute must.’
He sounded lovely. Janey was only sorry she wasn’t old enough for him. Wondering if maybe she couldn’t get away with lying about her age, she read on.
‘Lonely vegan (Sagittarius) wishes to meet soulmate,’ pleaded the next ad. ‘Non-smoking, teetotal young lady required. Capricorn preferred.’
Aaargh, thought Janey. Oh well, it took all sorts. And who knew, maybe there was a soulmate out there somewhere, reading this advert and experiencing a leap of joyous recognition.
‘Gentleman required for plumpish but well-preserved divorcee, 55. Fond of walking, gardening, cooking and dancing.’
That was nice, she could pair up with the foxtrotting widower.
‘Discreet businessman seeks ditto lady, 30-50, for mutually pleasurable meetings, afternoons only.’
A typographical error, surely, thought Janey with a grin. Didn’t he mean ‘matings’?
‘Tall, presentable, divorced male, 35, would like to meet normal female.’
