I wanted to take her into my arms, hold her, and tell her nothing of what I had been through or what I knew would be my fate. I wanted her safe, back in the city, not here were they could find her… but no. This was not real. This illusion would not hold me. “This is a trick.” I stepped back.
“Sumto, you must listen to me. I am a sorceress of no mean ability. I can help you if you let me.”
“Sorceress? You are a child. Talk sense if you are going to try and fool me. Try a little harder!”
She sighed, I thought she was trying to hold onto her temper. “I am eighteen and no child, I assure you. I am what I say I am, and I can help you.”
“Lies,” I stepped back. “It takes years to learn sorcery, time and money. No family would spend money teaching a woman sorcery, let alone a girl.” I turned and walked away, closing my eyes and fighting the dream.
My will prevailed, the scent of the ethereal garden faded and she was gone, her parting words fading away as the dream disintegrated into darkness, “No one taught me, I…”
64
When I woke, Sheo was sitting at the table, waiting for me.
“Sumto,” he greeted me with courtesy.
I didn't answer, but swung round and sat on the edge of the bed to look at him.
“You should serve him, he is righteous, his cause just,” he came right to the point.
Shaking off sleep I replied calmly. “That's why he tortures people, because he is so righteous. That's why he tricks people because he loves the truth.”
He ignored me. “Can't you see the city we served is selfish and wrong? We take and take, whatever we want, whenever we want it, use it and discard it and take it again.”
I gestured out the window, “And what is he doing?”
“Taking back.”
“So we are two children fighting over a sweetmeat.”
“No, he is an adult taking from an older, bigger child and giving back to a younger and more vulnerable child.”
I didn't answer him, my attention wandering over the table, something was attracting my attention. There was a large jug of beer and two glasses. Sheo leaned forward and poured a glass. “For you?”
“No.” It was harder to say than I remembered from my drinking days.
He shrugged. ”You will drink it later, no doubt.”
“You drugged me.”
“Yes. In the water; a drug that lowers your resistance to addiction. There was also a tiny dash of wine, just to get you started. You are already a drunk, everyone in the city knows that. It does nothing on its own, of course, but now we can feed you any drug we like. We decided to start with alcohol. I know you like it, are you sure you won't take a sip?”
“I'm sure.” Getting up and walking away was probably the hardest thing I have ever done. I could smell the hops, the living yeasty scent pulling at me. I made it to the window, and out onto the balcony. I wanted to throw myself over onto the hard flagstones below, but I couldn't do it. Yes, I liked booze. Beer, wine, that western drink they distill… whiskey, it was fiery and harsh but warmed the belly nicely. Yes, I like my booze all right. They had found a weakness. Another way to alter my state of mind and make me more malleable. I gripped the rail, acutely aware of its texture, and looked out over the courtyard thinking only about my waiting beer.
There was just no way this was going to end well.
65
A few days passed in a drunken blur. I struggled against the booze but it was pointless, and after a while I stopped struggling. There wasn't really any point. Every day Sheo came and talked to me, laughed with me, told me stories and tried to get me to tell him things I didn't know.
I really was a useless sorcerer. I knew a few tricks at the one carat and below level. Nothing. I had never spent the money on the spells and never had the money for the larger stones. Yes, my family had much larger stones but no way they would let me get my hands on them. I would sell them for drink. That thought made me laugh. Later in the day it would make me cry. I was a drunk. What did anyone expect?
66
The mist wasn't anything to do with being drunk. At least I didn't think it was. It was hard to tell. As it began to clear, swirling more thinly around me, I began to see hints of bushes, flashes of color through the mist that might be flowers.
“Sumto?”
“Wassit?” I spun around and the garden spun with me, flowers flashing by. I stamped one foot down to get my balance and stood there, concentrating on keeping upright.
“Sumto?”
The voice came from behind me so I slowly turned around. And there she was.
“Can you hear me?” She sounded urgent, concerned.
“'Causican.” I gave her a big grin, threw my arms wide, “Jess'ca!”
“Jocasta,” she stepped toward me, puzzled.
“Jecazta, 'sright! Hellow!”
Her pretty face creased into a frown as she stopped a couple of paces away. “You're drunk!”
It took me a while to formulate a reply. “I am,” I told her at last. “V'ry v'ry drunk. Bu' ish nomifalt.”
She blinked a couple of times, shaking her head. “It's what?”
“No mi faul'”
She shook her head, disbelieving her senses. Did she have senses? In a dream? I stared blearily about, staggered a step. Maybe in an illusory place you had illusory senses. That triggered a thought and I tried to explain it at once. “Of cau'se, iyusyryspefam!”
“What?! Sumto! Did they do this to you? How… why are you drunk?!”
“Drugz,” I swayed a bit but caught my balance. “Gimmi drugz.”
“What?! You want drugs?!”
I shook my head violently, lost my balance and fell over. As I lay on the ground looking up at her and trying to stand she faded a little, turning her head and said, “To hell with this, I'm getting him out of there.”
Someone answered her, it was just a sound, nothing I could understand, recognizably a voice but nothing more. She turned back and looked at me. “I'm coming for you.”
I giggled. “B'beddafwimmi,” this struck me as unspeakably funny and I laughed like a drunk.
She shook her head and moved away without moving, or so it seemed, I could hardly see for laughing, then the garden was gone.
67
I'd forgotten what hell a bad hangover can be. I couldn't even say 'never again' because I was looking at a jug of beer and thinking how much better I'd feel after I had had some. And it was true, that's the hell of it. I would
