“I’m freezing,” I said. “I’m going back inside.” I wanted to get out of there before Josh knew I’d come. I couldn’t compete with all of the normal girls in school—there was no use even trying.
“What’s inside?” Kaylie asked. “All the good stuff is out here.” She looked at me and then back to the band. “What you need is some beer. Wait here, I’ll be right back.”
With the crowd around the keg as huge as it was, I figured she’d be gone for ages, but she was back in a minute or two.
“Here,” she said, handing me a blue plastic cup. “Careful, it’s a little drippy.”
“How did you do that so fast?”
“I have my ways,” she said. She looked over my shoulder to see if Steve was still there. I wished I could be more like her and look straight at what I wanted. And navigate a keg in under two minutes. “Drink it quick. It’ll relax you.”
I took a tentative sip of the beer. It tasted like vomit. I tried hard not to wrinkle my nose in disgust.
“Is it bad?” Kaylie asked. I handed her the beer and she took a small sip. “Just like them to get a keg full of crap beer.” She handed it back to me. “Doesn’t matter, though, it’ll do the trick.”
Vanessa and Tricia came over with their own matching blue plastic cups. The beer was cold and my hand was getting numb. They should give you those cardboard sleeves like they do at Sienna when the coffee is too hot for the cup.
“Cheers!” Vanessa said, and raised her cup in the air before taking a giant swig. She didn’t even make a face when she was done.
“Are we checking out anyone in particular?” Tricia asked. Her skirt was almost as short as Vanessa’s, but at least she had the decency to shiver and cross her arms in front of her as she tried to ward off the cold wind that cut through the yard.
Vanessa laughed. “Apparently Miss Lucy here has a thing going with Josh Lee.”
Tricia raised her eyebrows. “I knew that he’d broken up with Cara—were you his thing on the side?”
“No way!” Kaylie answered for me. “Get real. Lucy doesn’t have to go for sloppy seconds. Josh asked her to come to the party. He’s totally into her.”
“If he’s so into her, then why has he been flirting with Justine all night?” Tricia asked. She tossed her head in the direction of the stage.
I felt a heavy weight settle in my stomach as I looked back toward the rear of the yard. Sure enough, Justine had planted herself right in front of where Josh was singing.
“He’s not flirting with Justine,” Kaylie said. “Everyone knows she’s been throwing herself at him for months.”
“I have eyes,” Tricia said. “And I know what I saw.” She looked at me. “You don’t seriously think you’d be going out with him? He’s totally going to get back together with Cara—they’re just cooling off until after winter break. They’re meant for each other.”
Each word was like a hammer blow of reality. Kaylie might want to think Josh liked me, but as annoying as Tricia was, she was probably right. I glanced back to the stage where Josh was looking intently at someone as he finished the song. He was looking right at Justine Hildebrandt.
The music stopped, but I couldn’t bear to have Josh see me now, chasing him like all the other girls. What would he think if he saw me standing here? I couldn’t stand to see him put his arm around Justine, to know that she was feeling the warmth of his body next to hers, inhaling his scent. The last normal night of my life was probably going to end like every other one had—with me cold and alone.
Kaylie was still arguing with Tricia, so I inched backward until I was standing next to a tall palm tree in a big wooden planter. I tried taking another drink to see if getting buzzed would make me feel any better, but the beer was so disgusting I could barely manage a tiny swallow. There was no way I was going to be able to choke down enough to make it worth it—while nobody was looking I tipped my cup into the planter and dumped out half the beer.
As I raised the cup back to my lips so it would look like I’d been drinking the whole time, I felt warm breath on the back of my neck.
“I wouldn’t drink that swill, either,” he said with a laugh.
My heart raced and I didn’t know whether to be happy or horrified, because I’d recognize Josh Lee’s voice anywhere.
chapter 17
9:30 p.m.
“Well, well,” Vanessa said. “Look who’s here.”
I bit the edge of my plastic cup and stared down at my shoes, not daring to look behind me. I knew that if I turned around and saw Josh holding hands with Justine, I’d probably run out of there without another word. So much for acting normal.
“I’m going to get something to drink,” Josh said, slightly out of breath. “Can I get anybody anything?”
He was standing so close to me I could feel the heat radiating off his body. He smelled clean and solid as he spoke over my shoulder. One quick glance told me that, at least for the moment, he was alone. I’d never believed the whole “weak in the knees” theory, but right now I wasn’t sure I was going to be able to stay upright.
I looked up in time to see Vanessa cut her eyes at me. She tossed her long blond hair behind her shoulder and raised her eyebrows. I didn’t know what she was up to, but it didn’t feel good. “I’d love another beer,” she said. She rolled her tongue over her lips and giggled as he took her cup.
As far as I knew, she didn’t even like Josh, so the only reason for the theatrics was to get him to notice her. And in that skirt and with those heels, if he didn’t notice her, he was blind.
“What about you, Luce?” Josh asked. “You look like you could use another beer.” I swear he winked at me when he said it.
