yet.”
“And you want the boys to know that,” he said. “So you have to take care of your hair and your skin.”
“I leave myself in your capable hands.”
He led me past a row of old-fashioned hair dryers he loved because they reminded him of an I Love Lucy episode. The salon was filled with stuff like that-lavish murals, painted by a former lover; postcards of Puerto Rico, Tico’s home island; and a collection of Barbie dolls with extravagant hairdos, bought for him by clients every Christmas. When I walked in, Bruddah Norm was singing on the CD player about his Hawaiian-Samoan heritage, and I couldn’t help swaying to the beat.
Tico sat me down in a chair and motioned a boy over to me. “Jingtao will wash your hair,” he said. He made some hand signals to the boy, which led me to believe he didn’t speak much English, and then the boy turned me around in the chair and gently pressed down on my shoulders, lowering my head to the sink.
I rested my neck on the porcelain indent, closed my eyes, and tried to relax. I’d been working like a madman since the surfing expedition, trying to make up for my previous slacker attitude.
My boss, Lieutenant Sampson, hadn’t said anything to me in my low period, but now he’d begun lavishing praise on me, as if recognizing that I needed some extra pushing to make it back up from my depths. I’d closed out three homicides that week, all as the result of dogged police work, and I was feeling good.
Jingtao’s long, slender fingers massaged my scalp, first with shampoo, then conditioner, and I wondered how a boy-and he couldn’t be more than sixteen-who couldn’t speak English ended up shampooing at a hair salon. When I moved to Tico’s chair for my cut, I asked.
“I found him in the back alley,” Tico said, leaning close to my ear. The back of the center faced a narrow alley. “He was scared of his own shadow. I coaxed him inside, cleaned him up, and let him sleep in the back room.”
“Doesn’t he have family?”
“Not that I know of. There’s a Chinese girl at the travel agency next door, and all he’d tell her was that he’d run away from somewhere.”
“You should call social services. They can find out what’s going on.”
“In a few days,” Tico said. “I gave him a safe place to sleep, I feed him every day, and he collects a few bucks in tips. He’s safe enough, for now.”
He began to snip at my head, and black hair fell around me. “Now let me work my magic, young man. You need some help here.”
I relaxed to Bruddah Norm’s island beat as Tico cut, and when I left the salon I felt handsome. I’ve been lucky enough to get the best genes from my Hawaiian, Japanese, and haole grandparents: a light olive skin, a slight epicanthic fold over my eyes, and thick dark hair. I have worked my body for years through surfing, rollerblading, bicycling, and other sports. I’d put on a few extra pounds in the past year, maybe the beginning of a pot belly, but I’d been working it off with a fresh round of exercise.
Gunter came over that night to help me pick out the right clothes to wear for my date. I’m no fashion bug; if it was up to me, I’d wear aloha shirts, board shorts, and rubber slippas every day of the year. I sprawled on my bed, playing the air ukulele with Jake Shimabukuro on the sound system, while Gunter picked through my closet, most of which did not meet with his approval. “You need new clothes,” he said. “Actually, you need new taste first.”
“Just pick something,” I said, strumming along with one of Jake’s killer riffs. “It’s a date, not a job interview.”
“Honey, every date is a job interview,” he said, striking a pose. He’s an inch or two taller than I am, skinny as a coconut palm, with close-cropped blond hair. He’s a muscle queen, with bulging biceps and abs as taut as guitar strings. He likes to pretend to be some kind of Teutonic god, but I know he’s just a suburban boy from New Jersey. “You’re interviewing for a position. Husband, boyfriend, or just flat on your back with your legs up in the air.” He flipped through my shirts, pulling out a black T-shirt with a designer label, something Tatiana had given me for my birthday. “I may be looking for a new job myself,” he said.
“Really? What’s up?” Gunter was a security guard at a fancy condo in Waikiki, a job that suited him because he got to wear a uniform and boss people around. He was good at that.
“This new company took over the contract for services at the Kuhio Regent,” he said. “They’re subcontracting valet, security, and maintenance. We’ve all been hired by the new company-but who knows how long that will last. They may want to bring in all their own people.”
The music gave us a nice vibe, and a couple of beers added to the mellowness of the evening. Gunter moved on to pants. “Have you ever heard of this thing called dry cleaners?” he asked, pulling one rumpled pair of khakis after another out of the closet and throwing them into a pile on the floor. “You take them dirty, smelly, wrinkled pants like these and they return them to you a few days later, all nice and clean and pressed.”
“Who has time for that?”
“You have time for surfing,” Gunter said. “And what did you do this morning? Rollerblade? Bike ride? Jogging?”
“I ran through the park after I got done surfing.”
“See? You could have dropped these pants off on your way, and picked them up the next time you go for a run.”
“Save me the lectures. Just find a pair of pants I can wear.”
“My new boss is hot, though,” Gunter said, inspecting a pair of black pants for stains. “He’s over fifty, but built like a brick shithouse. And he’s hung like a horse.”
“Gunter. You haven’t seen his dick in person, have you?”
“The man’s a wannabe cop. He wears these tight uniform pants stretched across his crotch, white shirts with epaulets. His nipples are pierced, too.”
“Too much information. Those pants going to be okay?”
He tossed the slacks to me. “They’ll do. But I am taking you shopping at the outlets in Waikele. As soon as I get my next paycheck.”
I met Dr. Phil a little later outside Raimundo’s, an Italian restaurant on Kuhio Avenue. “You look handsome,” he said, scanning me up and down. “The night we met you were kind of ragged, but you clean up very nicely.”
I wasn’t sure that was a compliment. “My friend Gunter picked out my outfit,” I said. “He’s always telling me I don’t sell myself enough.”
“That’s a good friend to have.”
It wasn’t until we were seated that I remembered Raimundo’s was a place where Mike and I had eaten when we’d dated. I wondered if I’d picked the place as a way of reclaiming it, banishing his memory.
To a soundtrack of Frank Sinatra and Don Ho, Dr. Phil and I traded basic information, shared some sushi, and started on that long process of getting to know each other. “When did you know you were gay?” he asked, over the salad.
“I knew there was something strange when I hit puberty. I’d always liked girls, been friends with girls, but the feelings I had for guys were…different.”
“The locker room,” Phil said.
I nodded. “I’d see other guys naked and I’d start to think about touching them, doing things with them. I knew it wasn’t what I was supposed to feel, though, so I compensated by dating girls.” I shrugged. “I was lucky, because the girls liked me, and I never…you know…had trouble.”
I sipped some wine, and he waited. “And then there was this case, a couple of years ago. A bust that went bad, and my adrenaline was running like crazy, and I suddenly thought, ‘Is this the way I want to live? If I died today, would I feel like I’d lived the life I was supposed to?’”
He smiled. “We all have to come to that decision. For me, I was in medical school.” He told me a long story about a homophobic professor, and how that experience had spurred him to come out. He poured the last of the wine, and we finished it up over dessert. He said, “I’d like to see you again, Kimo, but my schedule gets crazy starting Monday. I’m going to nights, and I’m supervising a new crop of residents, so I won’t be able to get away for dinner.”
“That’s a bummer,” I said. “Tomorrow’s my last night shift, and then I have two days off before I switch to days.”
I licked my lips, and looked at him with raised eyebrows. In my past experience, this was the point when we
