night-and every night that followed. Dawn didn’t like anything she cooked. When she asked her daughter what she did like, she shrugged. Carolyn knew it wasn’t the food that mattered, but the hands that prepared it.
Other more serious problems quickly developed.
Carolyn had to pick up Dawn from school and keep her at the office for the afternoon. A kindergartner didn’t have homework to keep her occupied, and coloring didn’t hold May Flower Dawn’s interest for long. Her daughter wandered and got in the way. When she accidentally knocked a stack of files off Ross’s desk, he called Carolyn into his office.
“You’re going to have to make other arrangements for your daughter, Carolyn. I can’t have her in here.”
Carolyn remembered coming home to an empty house when she was May Flower Dawn’s age. She remembered gravitating to Dock’s warm welcome and how that had turned out. “She just needs a little more time to adjust, Ross.”
“No. A child shouldn’t be cooped up in an office all afternoon. She should be outside playing with friends.”
Stung, Carolyn asked for a few days to work things out. She called her grandmother. “Oma, I don’t know what to do.”
“Of course you do. Ask your mother to babysit.”
“I’d be handing May Flower Dawn back to her.”
“No. You’d be sharing her.”
Carolyn wanted to weep. Sharing? Over the past five years, how much time had Mom allowed with her daughter? “You don’t understand.”
“I understand better than you do, Carolyn.” She sounded sad and tired. “Don’t make it a tug-of-war.”
When Carolyn hung up, she put her head in her hands and wept. Gulping down sobs, she looked up and saw May Flower Dawn standing in the doorway, frightened and upset. Carolyn wiped her face. “It’s okay. You’re going to get what you want.”
Running up the white flag, Carolyn called her mother. She could hear Mom’s relief and pleasure. “Of course! I can pick her up after school. She can stay here until you’re off work. You can drop her off anytime you need to show houses. I’d love to have her!”
She hadn’t had May Flower Dawn back for a month before she lost her again.
Life went more smoothly after that. At least Mom and Dawn were happy.
20
1977
It had been seven years since Carolyn left San Francisco and came home. Seven years of demolishing the old and constructing her new life. She’d hoped it would become easier with time. She hoped people would forget her past and allow her to raise her head without feeling censorious eyes upon her.
With only one bank in town, Carolyn often saw someone who knew her past. Today, that person just happened to be Thelma Martin. She came in shortly after Carolyn got in line to wait for a teller. She could feel Thelma’s eyes boring into the back of her head. They hadn’t spoken since Carolyn left the dentist’s office. Carolyn’s muscles clenched tight as she focused on not turning around. The woman had spread more poison in Paxtown than anyone, and she still seemed to delight in dredging up Carolyn’s history for anyone curious enough to listen.
A teller opened up, and Carolyn made a beeline to her window to make her deposit. “Can I do anything else for you, Miss Arundel?”
Carolyn said no thank you, stuffed her checkbook into her shoulder bag, and headed quickly for the door. She barreled right into someone standing just outside. The man steadied her.
“I’m so sorry.” She stepped back from his touch, face hot. “Excuse me.”
“Carolyn?”
Flustered, she looked up. She hadn’t seen this tall, broad-shouldered, red-haired stranger around town, but he looked familiar. In the split second she looked into his green eyes, her pulse shot up. She tried to place him. Had she slept with him in Haight-Ashbury? She hoped not, but the memories of those awful days came fresh to mind every time she saw Thelma Martin’s condemning glare.
“Mitch Hastings.” He smiled at her. “Remember me now? Your brother and I rode bikes together, until he got a red Impala.”
She had driven the Impala until Dad had said it wasn’t safe to drive anymore. She hated seeing it towed away, hated even more the payments for another used car.
When she didn’t say anything, he went on. “We played football together in high school. I played offensive lineman so he could score all those touchdowns.”
His smile made Carolyn’s insides quiver strangely. That alone made her want to run. She glanced away and saw Thelma Martin heading straight for the door. “Nice to see you again, Mitch.” She didn’t even extend her hand. “I have to run.” She stepped around him and walked quickly toward her car.
“Wait a minute.” He caught up with her easily and fell into step beside her. “What’s your hurry?”
“I have to get back to work.”
“Can I call you?”
“Sorry.” She got into her car. If he kept standing where he was, she’d run over his toes. She glanced at him as she backed out. Cranking the wheel, she shot out of the parking lot. She glanced in her rearview mirror. Mitch stood, hands on his hips, looking bemused. He turned his attention to Thelma Martin when she came up to him and extended her hand. No doubt Thelma Martin would feel it her civic duty to warn Mitch off having anything to do with the town slut.
The telephone rang within minutes of her return to Ross Harper’s agency. His wife, Candace, answered. “Yes, she is. She just walked in the door. One moment please.” She smiled at Carolyn. “Call on line two. He has a nice voice.”
“Carolyn Arundel. How can I help you?”
“You can go with me to my class reunion tonight.” Mitch Hastings didn’t waste time.
She couldn’t imagine anything worse than a Paxtown class reunion-it didn’t matter what year. “No, thank you.”
“I know it’s short notice. If I’d known you were back in town, I would’ve gotten in touch sooner.” He chuckled. “It was providential we ran into one another.”
Clearly, Thelma had given him an earful about her past. He wasn’t the first eager beaver wanting to go out with her and see how far he could get on a first date. Hence, she never went out. “I wasn’t in your class.”
“We’re out of high school. The age difference doesn’t matter anymore.”
Meaning what? She’d been jailbait when she had a crush on him? “Try someone else.” She hung up.
When she picked up May Flower Dawn that afternoon, her mother told her Mitch Hastings had been there for a visit. “He was a sight for sore eyes. I haven’t seen him in years.” She looked pleased and speculative. “He said he saw you in town.”
“We bumped into one another.”
“Did he tell you he’s a certified financial planner now?”
“We had about two seconds to exchange greetings, Mom. I had to get back to work.”
“He told Dawn stories about Charlie and had us all laughing. He has a place up north of Healdsburg; Alexander Valley, I think he said. He’s in town for the class reunion. He said he asked you to go with him, but you said no. If you’d like to change your mind, he left his number. He’s staying at the Paxtown Hotel. We can keep Dawn for the night…”
“No, thanks.”
“I always liked Mitch. He’s a solid young man, Carolyn. Why don’t you go? All you do is work. It wouldn’t hurt to have some fun once in a while.”
Carolyn had to bite her tongue to keep from telling her mother Thelma Martin had gotten to him first and poisoned the water. And how did anyone know what Mitch Hastings was? Mom just said she hadn’t seen him in years. Carolyn didn’t feel safe with what he’d stirred in her in less than a minute. “I don’t need any more complications in my life.” She preferred loneliness to feeling used. Several of her brother’s friends still lived in the
