against her grandmother. “Everything is going to be fine,
Carolyn never went into Mommy’s room after that. The closest she came was standing against the wall outside the door when Oma took in a tray of food. She could catch a glimpse of Mommy then. When the weather warmed, her mother came out of her room wearing a pair of slacks and a sweater. She sat on the front porch, where Oma served tea, egg salad and dill sandwiches, and pecan cookies. Carolyn waited inside until Oma told her she could come out, too. She sat in the chair on the farthest end of the porch as far away from her mother as she could get. Her mother drew the blue sweater more tightly around her thin body. “It’s cold.”
Oma poured tea. “It’s seventy-three degrees, Hildemara Rose. You need fresh air.”
“It’s hard to keep warm even with the sun shining, Mama.”
“I’ll get you a blanket.” Oma put another sandwich on Mommy’s plate.
“No blanket, Mama. It’s better if we try to look as normal as possible.”
“Normal? The neighborhood already knows, Hildemara Rose. Why do you think they all stay away?” Oma gave a tight laugh. “Cowards! The lot of them.”
Mommy nibbled at the small sandwich. “You’re a wonderful cook, Mama.”
“I learned from the best.” Oma set her teacup in its saucer. “I learned from Rosie’s mother. They had a hotel. I’ve told you that, haven’t I? Chef Brennholtz tutored me at the
Oma and Mommy talked about Carolyn, too. “She needs a playmate.”
“Well, the mothers won’t want their children having anything to do with her.”
“I’ve been thinking. It might be good to get a puppy.”
“A puppy?”
“For Carolyn.”
“I don’t know, Mama. A dog is a big responsibility.”
“It wouldn’t hurt her to learn a little. It might make her less dependent.” Oma smiled at Carolyn. “She’s become my little shadow.”
Mommy leaned her head back and closed her eyes. “I’ll talk to Trip.” She sounded so tired.
That night at the dinner table, Daddy, Oma, and Charlie talked about getting a puppy. Daddy suggested buying a cocker spaniel. “Small enough to live inside the house and big enough that it couldn’t squeeze through the fence.”
“You don’t have to
Charlie groaned loudly. “Not a mutt. Can’t we get a German shepherd, Dad?” He’d stayed overnight with a friend whose family had a new television set. “Roy Rogers has a German shepherd. Bullet runs so fast, he’s like a streak of lightning.”
Oma looked unconvinced. “And where’s he going to run? A big dog like that needs space.”
Charlie wasn’t about to give up. “We’ve got a yard in front and a yard in back.”
Dad kept eating. “I wouldn’t have to worry as much with a police dog around. He’d have to be trained, though. I know someone who can give me pointers.”
A few days later, Dad lifted a ball of fur with drooping ears and bright brown eyes out of his car. He handed the pup to Carolyn, who snuggled it against her chest. “Hang on. He wiggles a lot. Don’t drop him.” He laughed as the pup licked Carolyn’s face. “I think he likes you.”
After that, Carolyn spent most of the day outside with the puppy, which they named Bullet. When she went inside, he sat by the front door and whined until she came back out. Mommy would come out and sit on the porch while Oma worked in the kitchen, and Carolyn ran around the yard, Bullet on her heels, leaping, yipping.
Whenever Oma went anywhere, Carolyn went with her. Sometimes they drove as far as the strawberry fields in Niles, where Oma talked with the Japanese farmers and bought flats of fruit to make jam. Other times they went to the cheese factory by the bridge over the creek that ran through Paxtown. Oma would take her into the storage room with the old Greek gentleman, who bored samples from big wheels of cheese while he and Oma talked of their old countries. Oma ran all the errands for the family: she shopped at Hagstrom’s grocery store, picked up supplies for repairs at Kohln’s Hardware, and bought clothes for Charlie and Carolyn from Doughtery’s department store. Sometimes Mommy argued with her about that.
Every Sunday, Oma took Carolyn to the Presbyterian church while Daddy and Mommy and Charlie stayed home. Daddy always said he had work to do, and Charlie stayed home because Daddy did. Once a month, Oma took Carolyn with her to the farm in Murietta. While Oma talked with the Martins, Carolyn climbed into the tree house or fed carrots to the white rabbit or watched the chickens. Carolyn slept with Oma when they visited the farm.
Carolyn didn’t suck her thumb when she slept in Oma’s big bed. She curled up against Oma and felt warm and secure. She dreamed about tea parties with the white rabbit that ate carrots from her hand. He stood on his back legs, tapped his foot, and told her he wanted ice cream tomorrow. She giggled in her sleep.
Everything felt good and safe and comfortable.
3
1952
It took almost a year, but Mommy got better, just like Oma said she would. She spent more time out of her room than in it. She sat at the kitchen table with the family, and she spent time in the living room, though she didn’t encourage Carolyn to sit beside her or get too close. “Just play on the rug where I can watch you.” Charlie built forts with Lincoln Logs; Carolyn colored in her coloring books or sat plastered to Oma’s side, listening to another story.
Often at night, Carolyn would hear Mommy and Oma talking. Sometimes they raised their voices.
“I can do the dishes, Hildemara.”
“I’m not an invalid anymore.”
“Calm down-”
“I don’t want to be calm. I don’t want to sit by and see you do everything for Trip and my children. I’m strong enough now to do some of the work around here.”
“I’m trying to help!”
“You’ve helped enough, Mama. Sometimes I think you help too much.”
Once Carolyn overheard Daddy. “That’s between you and your mother. Stop complaining! She saved us, Hildie. We’d be further in debt than we are now if she hadn’t come and helped us out.”
“That doesn’t mean it can go on like this forever, Trip. This is
“You’re being ridiculous.”
“You don’t see what I see. I’m losing-”
“It isn’t a contest.”
“You don’t understand!”
Carolyn became frightened when her parents fought. She stuck closer to Oma, hoping she’d never leave.
Mommy moved back into Daddy’s big bedroom. A truck came and took away the hospital bed and rolling tray table. Mommy scrubbed the floors and walls and painted the room pink. Daddy moved Carolyn’s furniture in. Oma found a round braided rug and trunk for her toys, and she bought fabric with flowers all over it and made curtains.
Bullet jumped the fence and chased the mailman. The poor dog had to be on a chain after that. Daddy built a
