the one who beats his sorry, motherfucking ass again. And when it’s done, he’ll know that.”
He pulled away, walked to the window, stared out, then walked back to look down at her. “I love you.”
Knocked sideways, she lowered to the arm of the couch. “Oh my God.”
“I’m so pissed off at you right now. I don’t think I’ve ever been more pissed at anyone in my life. And I’ve been pissed at plenty.”
“Okay. I’m really trying to keep up, but with my head spinning it’s hard to focus. You’re pissed off because you love me?”
“That’s a factor, but not the main thrust. I’m pissed off because you’re going to do this, because you, being you, have to do it. I’m pissed off because short of tying you to the bed, I can’t stop you.”
“You’re wrong. You could. You’re the only one who could.”
“Don’t give me the opening,” Simon warned. “I’m pissed at you. And I think you’re the most amazing woman I’ve ever known, and my mother sets a damn high standard for amazing. If you cry,” he said when she teared up, “I swear to God...”
“I’m having a hell of a day. Give me a break.” She got to her feet. “You don’t say what you don’t mean.”
“Goddamn right. What’s the point?”
“Tact, diplomacy, but we won’t get into that. Simon.” Needing to touch, she ran her hands over his chest. “Simon. Everything you just said to me—all of it—there’s nothing you could have said or done that could have made me feel better or stronger or more able to do what I need to do.”
“Great.” A few grains of bitterness came through. “Glad I could help.”
“Would you tell me again?”
“Which part?”
She rapped a fist on his chest. “Don’t be an ass.”
“I love you.”
“Good, because I love you. So we’re balanced. Simon.” She laid her hands on his cheeks, and when she kissed him it was strong and sweet. “Try not to worry. He’s going to try to mess with my head. It’s the only power he has now. And he can’t because I’m going in armed with something he’ll never have, and never understand. When I do what I need to do, and walk away from him, I know I’m coming back here. I know you’ll be here, and you love me.”
“You want me to buy that?”
“I’m not selling it. I’m giving it, and it’s truth. Let’s go out and make this deal. I want it done and over, so I can come back to the good part.”
They walked outside. “How soon can we go?” Fiona asked.
Tawney took a moment to study her face. “We’re cleared for tomorrow morning. Agent Mantz and I will see about getting a hotel here on Orcas, and we’ll fly out of Sea-Tac at nine-fifteen. We’ll escort you all the way, Fee. There and back, and be with you throughout the session with Perry. We’ll have her home by midafternoon,” he said to Simon.
Over and done and back, Fiona told herself. “I’ll have someone cover my classes tomorrow morning and afternoon. You don’t need a hotel. You can stay at my place. It’s there, it’s empty,” she added before Tawney could decline. “And it’ll save you some time.”
“We appreciate that.”
“I’ll get the keys.”
Simon waited until Fiona went back inside. “If he screws her up, you’ll pay for it.”
Tawney nodded. “Understood.”
Twenty-Seven
Normally, though opportunities to travel were few and far between, Fiona liked to fly. She enjoyed the ritual, the people-watching, the sensations, the anticipation of leaving one place and hurtling through the air to another.
But in this case, the flight was simply one more necessary part of a means to an end, just something to get through.
She’d thought carefully about what to wear, and hadn’t been able to figure out why her appearance, her
She considered and rejected a suit as too formal and studied. She contemplated jeans, her usual and most comfortable choice, but decided they were too casual. In the end, she decided on black pants, a crisp white shirt and added a jacket in strong blue.
Simple, serious and businesslike.
And that, she realized when she sat between Tawney and Mantz on the plane, had been the importance. What she wore, how she presented herself indicated tone.
Perry thought he was in charge, she reasoned. Though he currently resided in a maximum-security prison, he’d made a strong bid for alpha position.
He had something they wanted, something they needed, so that gave him power—power she intended to countermand.
The clothes would help remind her—and him—at the end of the day, she’d be the one walking out, going back to her life, to freedom.
He’d be the one going back to a cell.
Nothing he had to trade changed that. And that, she reminded herself, was her power. That was her control.
“I want to go over some of the procedure with you.” Tawney shifted toward her. “You’ll go through security, and there’ll be some paperwork.”
She knew by the way he studied her face he wondered if her nerve would falter. “There always is.”
“We’ll be escorted to an interview room rather than the visitation area. Perry will already be there. He’ll be secured with wrist and ankle shackles, Fee. You will never, not for one second, be alone with him. He won’t be able to touch you.”
“I’m not afraid of him.” That, at least, was true. “I’m not afraid of that. I’m afraid all this might be for nothing. He’ll get what he wants, get his rocks off on that, and not tell you anything that can help. I hate giving him the satisfaction of being in the same room with me, looking at me. But at the same time I’m getting the satisfaction of doing the same. And knowing I’ll walk away, go home—and he won’t.”
“Good. You keep that in your head. Keep it front and center, and know that if you want to break it off, at any time, it’s over. It’s your call, Fee. All the way.”
He patted her hand as they shimmied through some choppy air.
“He’s refused to have his lawyer there, he made a point of it. He thinks he’s in charge, in control.”
“Yes, I was just thinking about exactly that. Let him believe whatever he wants. Let him get a good long look at me.” Her voice hardened, edged with challenge. The turbulence, she thought, was all outside.
“He’s not going to see someone who’s afraid or subservient. And later today, I’ll be playing with my dogs. I’ll eat pizza and have some wine, and tonight, I’ll be sleeping with the man I love. He’ll go back to his cell. I don’t give a damn what he thinks, as long as he tells you what you need to know.”
“Don’t give him anything he can use against you,” Mantz added. “No names, no locations, no routines. As much as you can, keep your reactions steady. He’ll play you if he can, either to scare you or make you angry— anything to get under your skin. We’ll be in the room the entire time, and so will a guard. The entire session will be monitored.”
She let their reassurances, their instructions slide over her. No one, not even Tawney, could know what she felt. No one, she thought, could know that in some dark, closed part of herself she reveled in the idea of seeing him again, of seeing him restrained, as she’d once been. When she faced him again, she’d do it for herself, for Greg, for every woman whose life he’d taken.
He couldn’t know he’d given that dark, closed part of herself a reason to celebrate.
How could he, when she hadn’t known it herself ?
