time I had only two dollars left so I stuck out my thumb and was picked up by a man named Enrique Moldonato and tonight, standing onstage here at the Academy Awards, I would like to thank him publicly. As luck would have it he was going all the way to Los Angeles and dropped me off at a Laundromat close to his home. Luckily, the Laundromat had a phone book and I had a quarter so I put two and two together and phoned Paramount Pictures. When the receptionist answered I said, 'Let me speak to the per-son in charge there.'
She said, 'One moment, please.'
Then, in the background I heard her say, 'Mr. Tartikoff, you have a phone call.'
And I heard him say, 'Oh, good.'
He came to the phone and I said, 'Mr. Tartikoff, my name is Don Singleton and I'd like to make a motion picture.'
He said, 'Hmmmm. A motion picture about what?'
And I looked over and saw someone empty the lint tray from one of the dryers and I said, 'A motion picture about my life.'
'I'm all ears, Don,' Mr. Tartikoff said.
Just then the operator came on the line and told me to deposit more coins and Mr. Tartikoff said, 'Don, are you calling from a pay phone?'
I confessed that I was and he asked if there was some way we might talk in person, so I gave him the address and shortly thereafter a big limo pulled up and Mr. Tartikoff entered and put his hands to his mouth and yelled, 'Is there a Don Singleton here?' and I said, 'Yes, that's me.'
We shook hands and he looked around and he said, 'Say, Don, this place is really damp. What do you say we go some-place else?'
He said he'd been invited to a big celebrity party and asked would I like to come along and I thought about it for about, ha ha, two seconds and said sure. Then his driver opened the door and we got into the limousine and on the way to the party Mr. Tartikoff, Brandon, asked me questions about my life.
He poured us each a glass of scotch from the bar and studied me and said, 'What are you, Don about thirty- five years old?'
'Thirty-six.'
'Have you ever worked?'
I told him I'd worked almost four years as a dishwasher at the KandW Cafeteria. I worked there from the age of seventeen until I was twenty-one, when I got fired for spitting in the food.
'They fired you forthat?' Brandon said. 'That's crazy. Why, everyone I know spits in things all the time.' He spit into his glass and drank it. 'That's no reason tofire anyone for God's sake.'
Then I spit on my fingers and leaned over and rubbed it into the driver's neck.
Brandon looked at me then and said, 'I've got a feeling about you, Don a good one,' and we chinked our glasses in a toast.
At about this time, the limousine turned off the road and we headed up a long tree-lined driveway, up to a big mansion with white columns and stained-glass windows and a shallow moat filled with swans and turtles and someone came and opened the limo door and I looked up and saw Barbara Streisand and she was wearing. . well, the exact same thing she's wearing tonight as a matter of fact. She and Brandon embraced and then she turned to me and raised her eyebrows like, 'Who the heck is this?' Brandon told Barbara Streisand that my name was Don and that I used to wash dishes at KandW Cafeteria and, ha ha, I tell you, Barbara Streisand just couldn't ask enough questions.
'A dishwasher! Tell me, was it a conveyor run-through Waste King Jet System or a double hot sink layout? What detergents did you use? At what temperature does a drinking glass become quote unquote 'clean'?' She took my arm and led me into the house, which was just absolutely teeming with celebrities: Joey Bishop, Faye Dunaway, Shari Lewis, Kevin Costner, Gene Rayburn, Tatum O'Neal, Tom Cruise, Cathy Lee Crosby, Carol Charming, Buddy Ebsen the list goes on and on and on. Barbara Streisand handed me a champagne cocktail and introduced me around and, ha ha, I felt like giving a press conference, so many people asking questions about my life.
'What did you do after you lost your job at the cafeteria?' Chastity Bono asked.
And I said, 'Nothing, just sort of hung around the house.'
Michael Douglas asked what my parents had to say about that, and I said, 'Well, you know my parents.' And then I realized that no, these celebritiesdidn't know my parents. In my movie,Don's Story, my parents are played by Charles Bronson and Don Rickles. I think they both did a fantastic job especially Don Rickles, who played the part of my mother. Quite a few actresses were eager for that role, but as director I chose Don Rickles not because my mother is funny far from it and not to boost Mr. Rickles's career, but because, ha ha, you put a wig on that guy and he looks just exactly like her. Ha ha. And Charles Bronson what can I say? He's one of the best in the business. And that's the funny thing about show business, that it's a constant learning experience. . for everybody. Last year when those celebrities asked what my parents were like, I had a hard time coming up with the words.
I lost my job at the KandW at the age of twenty-one and for the next fourteen years my parents never, for one moment, let up on me. They were all the time trying to make me feel bad for being myself and not working. If I had a nickel for every time they pounded on my bedroom door screaming, 'WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN THERE?' I'd have several million dollars. Well, ha ha, I guess now I do have several million dollars but I would have had it a lot sooner.
'WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN THERE?'
And I'd say that I was planning to take Hollywood by storm and they'd yell, 'YOU'RE OUT OF YOUR MIND. YOU'RE INSANE. DO YOU UNDERSTAND? INSANE. COME OUT OF THAT ROOM AND GET A JOB. YOUR BROTHER HAS A JOB AND HE'S MISSING HIS LEFT HAND IF HE CAN WORK SO CAN YOU. DO YOU HEAR ME? COME OUT OF THAT BEDROOM.'
'That must have been very difficult for you,' Dr. Joyce Brothers said. And I admitted that, yes, it was. Then someone asked what kind of a lock I had on my bedroom door and Brandon Tartikoff caught my eye and made a cutting gesture against his throat and, ha ha, even though I'd been in Hollywood for less than two hours I knew what that meant, which probably has a lot to do with why I've walked away with tonight's Best Director award. 'Cut!' Thanks, Brandon.
I hated saying goodbye to all of my wonderful new show business friends but it was time to go so Brandon led me out the door to our waiting limo. And just as I was settling into the backseat I saw Barbara Streisand turn to Vincent Price and say, 'I like that kid. He's a survivor.'
So are you, Barbara. So are you.
We left the party and went to a restaurant named Spago, where Brandon and I spent the next several hours talking and eating spaghetti. He seemed so interested in every aspect of my life and was full of questions.
'So tell me, Don, after you left the cafeteria you mean to say you did absolutelynothing for the next fourteen years? God, that's fascinating.'
I noticed people at the surrounding tables perk up and try to listen in on our conversation so Brandon had us moved to a private booth.
'What was your day like? When would you wake up?'
I told him I'd usually open my eyes at around one-thirty or two but wouldn't get out of bed until two forty- five, when my mother put on her fluorescent vest and left the house to do volunteer crosswalk service at Brooks Elementary. Then I'd go downstairs and root around the kitchen and watch TV until around four o'clock, when her car would pull up in the drive-way, at which point I'd go back to my room and lock the door and stare at my hands until around five-thirty.
'I noticed your hands,' Brandon said. 'They're really special. When was the last time you trimmed your fingernails?'
'Nineteen eighty-three, eighty-four.'
'Do you everwash your hands?' he asked.
'Maybe,' I said. 'Maybe not.' I wasn't being difficult just mysterious.
Just then the waiter delivered our check and he said, 'I noticed your hands the moment you walked in. They're fascinating. Hands tell so much about a person. I think you should get a job here!'
'Back off,' Brandon said. 'I think Don's had enough restaurant work to last him the rest of his life.'
When we got back to the limo Brandon asked if I had a place to stay and when I confessed that I did not he used his car phone and made a reservation at the Beverly Wilshire hotel. Then he said, 'So, all right, Don, say it's
