the hell wears that much puke green taffeta? It makes me look like a bridesmaid in some kind of wedding from hell.” She unleashes a verbal assault then whispers into my ear, “Can you believe this guy, Rowan? He’s got the fashion sense of a rock.”
I just can’t even move.
I’m just so tired.
Don’t know why.
I’m so scared.
What is he going to do to me?
“But, you know, that dress is just plain ugly.”
What is he doing back there?
Oh God no, please…
I’m sobbing inside.
“Will you quit messing with my hair, you freak?” She shifts her view and yells angrily into the darkness, “Can’t you see that you’re scaring me?
“Yeah, that’s it. Come around here where we can see you.”
She turns her attention to me with a quickly uttered instruction, “Watch close, Rowan, here he comes.”
Blinding light.
“Dammit! Did you see him, Rowan? Did you?”
I see nothing but darkness.
“All right, you weirdo, quit messing with my feet. Get up and turn around so Rowan can see you, fetish boy.”
What is he doing now?
OUCH! That hurts!
What is he doing to my feet?
Why?
My heart rattles in my breast.
I can hardly breathe.
I’m so frightened.
“Look at that. The moron can’t even tell left from right.
“Move so Rowan can see you. Yeah you, you fathead, Rowan needs to see you.
“Oh, this is good. Look at this, Rowan. Sequined pumps. SEA FOAM GREEN sequined pumps. And would you look at how high those heels are! Where the hell did he get those things? Now I ask you, do I look like I have doll feet?”
A sudden flicker of light.
Psychedelic spots again.
“I think he’s got a wiring problem in that place. The lights kept doing that.”
Another bright flicker.
Pain rakes through my grey matter like a cheap wine hangover as the sudden switch of personalities occurs again. The throb hammers in my temples as the alternating trio of psyches begin a knock-down, drag-out battle for possession of me.
Oh sweet Jesus, she’s so beautiful.
She’s so close.
So close…
“What are you doing?
Please, no.
PLEASE let me go?!
Please don’t put that in my mouth.
Please no!
Somebody help me, PLEASE!
Gagging.
Bitter.
“You shouldn’t have given me that, you moron.
You already gave me too much to begin with.
You ever hear the word overdose?
Sheesh! What an idiot. Man, I just don’t care anymore.
Just let me sleep.”
Heavy breathing.
Struggle.
I feel so tired.
My chest hurts.
My heart is pounding so hard I can hear it.
Breathe.
I need to breathe.
“Come on you jerk, quit grunting. I’m not that heavy.”
Panting.
Excitement.
Arousal.
It hurts.
Oh God, it hurts.
Why is my heart racing?
God it hurts.
“Look, I may be a cheerleader, but I don’t bend like that.
Give me a break.”
Heavy breathing in the darkness.
Oh God, why can’t I breathe?!
“Look at him, Rowan. LOOK AT HIM!”
Hair just so.
Chin tilted up.
No, stay that way.
Yes.
Legs crossed.
The silky feel of her stockings against the back of my hand.
Another rush of arousal.
Yes! Perfect!
POP!
Bright Light!
POP!
Bright Light!
POP!
I can’t feel anything.
I can’t even feel my heart anymore.
I don’t care…
“Talk to me, white man.” My friend verbally insinuates himself into the vision once again, only to become a weak fourth voice in the turmoil.
If only it was really her…
Really her…
Really her…
Darkness.
Fear gives way to warmth.
