Promises

“That’s all.”

I resisted the urge to slam the door behind him.

CHAPTER 19

ON THURSDAY, most of my students came back with permission slips. A few of the parents had actually written encouraging notes, telling me that they trusted me and that they appreciated what I was doing for their kids. It made me feel better, and after that the tutoring sessions resumed without incident.

A few days later, Cole called.

“Hey, Sweets. Are you lonely tonight?” He always talked in a flirty, flamboyant, lilting voice, and he never called me by name.

“We’ll both be lonely tonight if you call me that again.” I knew he wouldn’t listen.

“Don’t be such a kill-joy.”

“Are you in Vail? The slopes aren’t even open yet, are they?”

“Just passing through, Sweets. I thought I could head your way for the night. That is, if you’re feeling accommodating.”

My first instinct was to say no. But who was I kidding? I knew Matt wasn’t celibate in his relationship with Cherie, and I certainly didn’t owe him anything on that front. Plus, I don’t get that many opportunities. There was no telling when Cole would call again—maybe as soon as next month, maybe not until next year. Maybe never. And the thought of the months stretching out ahead of me with no company but my own hand decided it for me.

“Cole, your timing could not be better.”

“I’ll be there in four hours, Sweets.”

The next morning, when I came out of the bedroom, he was already dressed. Cole is shorter than me, whip thin, boyishly cute with dark hair artfully cut to hang in his eyes, and has just a hint of swish in his walk. He was looking at me oddly out of the corner his eye.

“What?”

“Just wondering, Sweets, that’s all. Who exactly is Matt?”

I felt myself go red up to my hairline and thought back on our activities of the previous night, hoping I hadn’t said Matt’s name at an inopportune moment. Cole must have seen the slight panic on my face because he laughed.

“Not that. I’ve told you before—you talk in your sleep.” He turned and pinned me with a piercing gaze. “Are you in a relationship? I know things between us have always been casual, but I would expect better of you than to cheat on a lover.”

“No. It’s not like that at all.” I tried to sound nonchalant but failed. Instead, it came out resigned and bitter.

He relaxed. “But you want it to be?” There was no jealousy. Our relationship was casual enough to avoid that kind of snag. He was just asking.

“I do.”

“So what’s the problem? He’s not interested?”

“Let’s just say his closet door is shut tight. And deadbolted.”

“Ah. The power of denial. Well, then, I don’t feel bad about last night. Do you?”

I smiled at him and leaned in to kiss his jaw. “Not a bit.” It was mostly true. “I probably should take you out for breakfast.”

“You should, but you won’t. I know you. God forbid anybody in this town find out that you actually get laid once in a while.”

It was an old argument and one that we never pursued far. “Cole—”

“Don’t worry. I’ll wait here while you run to the store and get something. And don’t even think about bringing me a donut. I want a—”

“A cinnamon bagel with low-fat cream cheese and a vanilla latte. I know.” I kissed him again. “Just give me five minutes to shower first.”

Just as I was stepping out of the shower, I heard a knock on the door, and my heart sank. I knew it was Matt—anybody else would use the doorbell—and I was struggling to get my sweats back on and get out there, although I had no idea how I was going to handle the situation when I did.

I heard the door open and heard Cole say, “Well, hello, officer! If I had known we had company coming, I wouldn’t have gotten dressed so fast.” Oh shit.

I made it into the living room, pants on but with my hair dripping wet, just in time to hear Matt say, “So. You must be Cole.”

“Well.” Cole threw a wink over his shoulder at me. “I’m flattered. And you are…?”

Matt just stood there. He was in his uniform, and I had never seen him look so angry. He was looking at Cole like he was some kind of bug and he couldn’t decide whether to put him outside or just step on him. But Cole is not the type to be intimidated. If anything, he uses his flamboyance as a type of shield, a way to thumb his nose at people who look down on him. I watched him do it now. He put his hand on his hip, cocked it out a bit, looked flirtingly up at Matt through his bangs, and even batted his eyes a little. “Is there a problem, officer?”

Matt’s cheeks started to flush, but I didn’t know if it was embarrassment or anger. He was completely still and silent. When it became obvious that he wasn’t going to answer Cole, I spoke up.

“Cole, this is Matt.”

Cole’s eyes went a little wide, and then he was instantly in motion. “Okay, Sweets, it’s obviously time for me to be on my way. Give me one second.” Matt and I stood there, arms crossed, watching each other warily while Cole bustled around gathering up his jacket and keys. Then he stepped up next to me and put an arm around my waist. He leaned in to nuzzle my neck, and I tilted my head a little to give him better access. Matt went stone cold rigid. I was still mad enough over the tutoring incident to take a little bit of pleasure in making him uncomfortable.

“An absolute pleasure, as always, Sweets. I’ll give you a call next time I’m in the area.” He intentionally said it loud enough for Matt to hear but then whispered in my ear, “Go get him, Jared,” before kissing me on the cheek and heading for the door.

Matt and I stood there a little longer after he was gone, waiting to see who would speak first. It turned out to be him.

“I didn’t expect you to have company.”

“Obviously.” All those weeks that I had been hoping to see him, hoping he would call, hoping he would knock on my door just like he had this morning, and yet now that he was here, all I could see was the judgment in his eyes. I turned away from him, went around the counter into the kitchen, and started making coffee.

“What is it, Matt? Did you come here to talk or to tell me how disgusted you are by my lifestyle? Or maybe to make sure I’m not tutoring kids in my bedroom?”

“Not that. I wanted to see you. But, I didn’t expect—” He stopped and seemed to be struggling to find the right words, struggling to get his rage back under control. “I didn’t expect him. I didn’t expect to find you with somebody else!”

“Why not, Matt? Why shouldn’t I be with somebody else?”

“Do you love him?”

That surprised me, but I didn’t answer him. Instead I asked, “Do you love Cherie?”

“No.”

A flat, honest answer. I was trying to hang on to my anger, because I knew if it left, I would only feel dirty and depressed. “No. I don’t love Cole. You know that.” I looked over at him. “If I had things my way, it would have been you in my bed last night. Last night and every night. But you have made it quite clear that you want nothing to do with me.”

He was staring at the wall about a foot above my head, and I knew he was struggling.

He was angry and hurt and embarrassed, and I was pretty sure he was at least a little bit jealous too.

“I love only you. But if you expect me to apologize for going on with my life after you